unbelievable

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hello, hard to get my head around this one, I have just found out through networking site that my h is now living and started a new life in london... thats about 100 miles away from.me? Hes also statred a new job I see on fb, so I did my research an its true, he really has moved on? How is this so? Pics plastered all over fb... but he dont look happy and he looks different like a different character person? Am I going mad  can anyone relate to this? Yet xmas eve he txts me wishing me a merry xmas and new year and asking how I am, of course I didnt reply, but if hes.moved away why contact me still?

[stronger123]

Hello, hard to get my head around this one, I have just found out through networking site that my h is now living and started a new life in london... thats about 100 miles away from.me? Hes also statred a new job I see on fb, so I did my research an its true, he really has moved on? How is this so? Pics plastered all over fb... but he dont look happy and he looks different like a different character person? Am I going mad  can anyone relate to this? Yet xmas eve he txts me wishing me a merry xmas and new year and asking how I am, of course I didnt reply, but if hes.moved away why contact me still?

[sadinnc98]

They always have to fish... . test the waters and see if you are there. 100 miles really isn't that far-mine lives an hour plus away... . many BPD actually like/thrive on LDR's from what I have read!

So the question is, have YOU moved on?

[stronger123]

What is LDR? And yeah ive moved on kust schocked I guess. But then im.thankfull hes not stalking me like he did last time demanding me bk!.

[sadinnc98]

What is LDR? And yeah ive moved on kust schocked I guess. But then im.thankfull hes not stalking me like he did last time demanding me bk!.

LDR=long distance relationship

It may help you to stay the course if you block the FB, etc...

[stronger123]

Ah that makes alot of sence, considering when I met him he lived in a different country then came.over here left his parents bros and sis etc to so called be with me!  But he has moved jobs too which makes me feel like, he will never show his face again? Or will he? I have blocked him from.fb, did that many months ago, just my mate mentioned it to me and I got confirmation by rimging hos old work place to see if its true etc... . in.which it is.

[Learning_curve74]

Hey stronger123, people with BPD do not feel and think like you or I do. To him, feelings are facts, so perhaps when he is being nostalgic and remember the good times with you, so that may be when he reaches out nicely to you. It is also probably that he suffers from black or white, all or nothing thinking, so it is very easy for him to flip between extremes of emotions. Add that to the extreme fear of abandonment, that's why many pwBPD seem to simply just up and run away even immediately after a very close intimate encounter. The logic doesn't make sense to you unless you're disordered, but it is a maladaptive coping strategy which gives him short-term relief of his inner emotional pain. Unfortunately it results in long-term pain, but many people (not just pwBPD) choose short-term relief over the drudgery and work towards long term happiness and fulfillment.

Short explanation is that he probably desperately wants to attach to other people but cannot stand it or endure the closeness for long due to his anxiety and fears. It's the "I hate you, don't leave me" BPD hamster wheel. 

[stronger123]

Thank you learning curve 74 for adding to my post, it has helped alot and im beggining to understand it to some degree I guess. I forgot to mention, he even has a pic of me and him on fb as he deleted.all the others many months ago, but how strange why not delete that one also?

he randomly txts me too, alwayd out of the blue, last txt was xmas eve wishing me a nice xmas and new year, but when he txts me , im finiding he is very repeative with what he says all the time, is this part of the illness to?

he doesnt even look the same character in the photo's with the person hes using/living with now, he looks like a.different man/person, his facial expressions etc, sometimes childlike too? This is not the person I married, thats a fact and weve been married 11 years!.

As for me im.in a new relationship now in which I am truly happy to be in, but it doesnt stop me from hurting sometime s when he txts etc... .

do u think I will ever see him face to face again? When it goes wrong for him? I get witheld phone calls to and no one speaks, I know its him. Its just strange .