Remembering to Forget

[nolisan]

I had a sighting of the ex over the holidays. Thank god she didn't contact me. But it triggered re-grieving. Fell into "what could have been"... . etc.

But I have done some purging with freinds and then I did something that really helped: I made a "top 10 list" of the nasty crazy things she pulled. I stopped at 20 and could have gone on and on.

Stepping back and looking at the list was ... . gut wrenching. HOW could I have put up with it. Her behavior was absolutely atrocious and clearly abusive.

One of her gaslighting techniques was to rationalize her nastiness with her astro-sign: Scorpio. She certainly had a stinger and liked to use it. She had me in a trance where I felt "that was just her nature", I needed to accept her just as she was and somehow being with her made me a better man.

It seems just seeing her has taking me back into going through the grieving phases all over again. I am in that angry phase right now. Angry at her and angry at myself for putting up with it.

Noles

[nolisan]

I had a sighting of the ex over the holidays. Thank god she didn't contact me. But it triggered a lot of stuff. Fell into "what could have been"... . etc.

But I have done some purging with freinds and then I did something that really helped: I made a "top 10 list" of the nasty crazy things she pulled. I stopped at 20 and could have gone on and on.

Stepping back and looking at the list was ... . gut wrenching. HOW could I have put up with it. Her behavior was absolutely atrocious and clearly abusive.

One of her gaslighting techniques was to rationalize her nastiness with her astro-sign: Scorpio. She certainly had a stinger and liked to use it. She had me in a trance where I felt "that was just her nature", I needed to accept her just as she was and somehow being with her made me a better man.

It seems just seeing her has taking me back into going through the grieving phases all over again. I am in that angry phase right now. Angry at her and angry at myself for putting up with it.

Noles

[Learning_curve74]

I hope you see that it's okay to be angry, nolisan. It sounds like you're aware that the journey isn't always straightforward, though the tortuous path can often make us feel bad. Great job working on that top ten list to help you!