Day 6 of NC - Going strong

[SeekingAdviceinCa]

Firstly, thank you to every one of you for reading my posts and sharing. I would not have made the progress I've made over the past week without you. My sincerest thanks.

This really does get easier. (Also helps when you get a f--k you laced text tirade in the middle of it that reinforces why you are going NC in the first place.). Going NC has been the best thing I could have done. It's helping with the FOG. It's helping with the repetitive thoughts. It's helping me have clarity. My relationship is all I think about everyday all day so I'm transitioning out of that obsession.  I feel... . different. Stronger. More empowered. I can see myself getting to the point of not taking this anymore. And I'm accepting that the only route for me is a divorce. I cannot and will not keep trying to change a woman that won't change. I have to change myself. I'm purchasing the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" to help me learn why I let things get to where they're at in the first place and to never let them happen again.  I know I deserve better than the life I've been living. I have so much goodness to give someone.

The woman I fell in love with is not well. Does she have BPD?  Maybe. But what's a label at this point?  What does a label provide?  Some kind of comfort?  I will have REAL comfort in my life when I have peace. When I'm not afraid of things any more. When I know I can be ok to feel content that good times are here and that the other shoe won't come dropping. I will have comfort when I share my life with someone who respects me, who doesn't lie, doesn't cheat. I will have comfort when I don't feel the emotional and verbal abuse. I will have comfort when I listen to my gut that has been yelling at me all this time... . move forward with your life.

Tomorrow is NC day 7. I'm taking it all one day at a time.

[arn131arn]

Firstly, thank you to every one of you for reading my posts and sharing. I would not have made the progress I've made over the past week without you. My sincerest thanks.

This really does get easier. (Also helps when you get a f--k you laced text tirade in the middle of it that reinforces why you are going NC in the first place.). Going NC has been the best thing I could have done. It's helping with the FOG. It's helping with the repetitive thoughts. It's helping me have clarity. My relationship is all I think about everyday all day so I'm transitioning out of that obsession.  I feel... . different. Stronger. More empowered. I can see myself getting to the point of not taking this anymore. And I'm accepting that the only route for me is a divorce. I cannot and will not keep trying to change a woman that won't change. I have to change myself. I'm purchasing the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" to help me learn why I let things get to where they're at in the first place and to never let them happen again.  I know I deserve better than the life I've been living. I have so much goodness to give someone.

The woman I fell in love with is not well. Does she have BPD?  Maybe. But what's a label at this point?  What does a label provide?  Some kind of comfort?  I will have REAL comfort in my life when I have peace. When I'm not afraid of things any more. When I know I can be ok to feel content that good times are here and that the other shoe won't come dropping. I will have comfort when I share my life with someone who respects me, who doesn't lie, doesn't cheat. I will have comfort when I don't feel the emotional and verbal abuse. I will have comfort when I listen to my gut that has been yelling at me all this time... . move forward with your life.

Tomorrow is NC day 7. I'm taking it all one day at a time.

Glad to hear, Seeking.  Stay strong.  It's week 3 for me, and I hit a wall over the holidays and last weekend.  But I broke through it like the green Hulk... . shattered that mofo.  I know I am stronger.

"You don't want to see me angry!"

Arn

Stay strong

[SeekingAdviceinCa]

Keep it up arn!  You got this!

I know I will have many many more weak moments. But I have to ride a good week as long as I can!

[arn131arn]

Keep it up arn!  You got this!

I know I will have many many more weak moments. But I have to ride a good week as long as I can!

Yeah, like when she marries a guy... . maybe a week to mourn, envy then buy the tickets/popcorn to the gun show! 

[SeekingAdviceinCa]

Well my stbxw is dating a guy now. Wonder how long she can maintain the facade? I wish I could text him the "f--k you" text tirade I had from her this week. The guy deserves a warning. Lol

[arn131arn]

Well my stbxw is dating a guy now. Wonder how long she can maintain the facade? I wish I could text him the "f--k you" text tirade I had from her this week. The guy deserves a warning. Lol

I wouldn't... . let itself play out.  May not be when we want it, but it's coming.

I'm gonna move on, get myself better, find something healthy, and watch from the sidelines... . done playing the game.

Need a rest, Coach

[irishmarmot]

Just started day 6 of NC myself and I feel ok.  Got 14 texts from 2 days ago but had her blocked.  Just as well because I don't need to rehash any of the bs whether good or bad.  The whole relationship was an illusion anyway it wasn't real.  I also think about her all day long wish I could get her out of my head but I can't.   Yesterday was particularly bad, but it resolved itself last night.  I must admit,  I do hold onto the illusion that she will contact me and tell me how much she loves and wants.   But from reading everything on this board,  I have to tell myself that her words meant nothing.   Her actions is what was important.   And her actions were that she cheated and lied to me the entire time I knew her.  I one of her hating texts she stated you will wish that you never met me.  How true that statement was.

[SeekingAdviceinCa]

Irish,

Yes!  Look at actions versus words. That's been key for me. Does someone who truly loves you go out and cheat, lie, rage at you?  My wife's cheating one week into our trial separation said more to me than any words could. We deserve to be respected by someone who deserves the goodness we offer.

Let's keep in touch my friend. Because we are in the same boat (day 7 NC) we can keep each other accountable.

[heartandwhole]

Seeking,

Congrats on staying the course!  This is good news.  I'm glad you are feeling empowered, that will help you confront any dips in the process.

Was there something on the site in particular that gave you a    or was it cumulative?

[SeekingAdviceinCa]

Heartandwhole,

It was cumulative.  All the posts, information, stories, pain and the validation that I'm not alone and this wasn't something "I did."  Plus, I think my wife has made the decision for me even easier with what she has decided to do these past 4 months.  Her choices to cheat, with multiple men, during a time that was meant to be devoted to saving our relationship was further evidence that I have to go this route.

What has really helped me too is knowing that it is SO common to have the obsessive, whirling thoughts and the extremely difficult urges to want to go back to a situation, which by any standard, is unhealthy and damaging.  I was so frustrated by what I perceived as my weakness - wanting to go back to this person - but I know that what I was feeling as perfectly common and normal in this situation. 

I believe it was love4me who had a really great idea when those thoughts of wanting the person back and self-doubt creep in your head.  Tell yourself "Not now."  That has been a really helpful tool this past week.

I'm charging ahead.  I have no other choice because I have to take my life back.  There really isn't anything for me to go back to at this point.  I think I fell for my wife's mask that is a thoughtful/professional/intelligent/generous.  What I married was the mask and the core - the unhealthy, unstable, sad core.

[Free2Bee]

Irish and Seeking... . I'm Day 6, NC - same club!  And I've made the decision to maintain this NC (initiated by my partner) and move on. Tough stuff, but ultimately, I know this is the best decision... .

[SeekingAdviceinCa]

Irish and Seeking... . I'm Day 6, NC - same club!  And I've made the decision to maintain this NC (initiated by my partner) and move on. Tough stuff, but ultimately, I know this is the best decision... .

Awesome Kai!  All three of us are in this together... . let's stick it out and keep one accountable.

How are you feeling so far with it Kai?

[Free2Bee]

I love the idea of having two 'NC Buddies' - a support network. Awesome 

I've been feeling okay - and I'm taking it *much* better than I did the last breakup, probably because I'm armed with the 'full story' of what's behind her behaviour. But I know it's going to be hard this weekend - that's when we typically spent time together and she's part of that routine.

It's hard at night - I miss her. And it's hard not hearing from her and sharing stuff with her, just stupid stuff I find on the internet or the details of my day-to-day. She was my best friend. There's a big hole in my life right now. :-(

[SeekingAdviceinCa]

Kai!  You, me, and IrishMarmot are in this together!

Kai, I could have written that post myself. Seriously. I know EXACTLY how you feel.   I'll PM you.

[sun seeker]

 Hey guys

Glad to hear you guys are doing the work.im proud of you guys/girls.  Im almost week 7 N/C. Had to change name got found on here. Lol.

I visited a forum for those whonhave BPD BPD. And holy crap what an eye opener.  Ive read alot about BPD but actually reading thier thoughts helped alot , they are effffin insane with out a doubt.  The thread was called " you know you have BPD when". Everything ive been through the last 11 months was right thier. And they are totally aware of how sh** ty what they do is .

  The last week every one I know see a big change in my daily presents. I even have females walking up to me in collegel and starting conversations. Im deff not ready to be in a R/S now but new friends "kick a*s" . Also give me a chance to weed out the "crazys".

I found some gifts from last christmas today and a card from my xBPDgf.  Kinda gave me.a.knot in my stomach.  I threw it away and the feeling only lasted 20 min... . gotta love progress.

[irishmarmot]

Kai , easy I welcome your support,  would like to know name of BPD site.  Ty for being here i would be in rough shape without you all

[winston72]

Hey all... . I wonder if you have checked out these articles from the site... . they have both helped me quite a bit... . provided a foundation of thinking about how/why I got involved in the first place and it put into words a lot of the struggle I had in disengaging.

Ten Beliefs That Can Get You Stuck - Surviving a Breakup with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder

How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves