Confirmation Realized... re:replacement

[State85]

Well I just got a confirmation that what I was 99% sure of is true…re: my replacement, does exist. Actually knowing my exgf, he’s probably 1 of 2 replacements….I wonder if he knows about the other guy that also replaced me. She’s apparently got 2 going at one time….she’s an overachiever!

I said I wouldn’t, but did, and was able to get to his FB page. There I could see the correspondence between the two. Before anyone says anything, I do not look at her FB page since I do not subscribe to her news feed; therefore, I can still be FB friends with her and avoid seeing anything that would definitely hurt me (unless I actually go to her page). This way we are still FB friends, and I avoid any aggravation from her to the contrary….because she’s all about FB.

Anyway, he’s at least 20 years older than her, retired. Now I don’t know the guy, and I’m not one to slam someone I don’t know, but based on the pictures….wow! What is she doing? 

It does lead me to a question though. If she is willing to replace me with this guy, what does that say about me…what does she look for in a guy…makes me wonder.

[arn131arn]

Well I just got a confirmation that what I was 99% sure of is true…re: my replacement, does exist. Actually knowing my exgf, he’s probably 1 of 2 replacements….I wonder if he knows about the other guy that also replaced me. She’s apparently got 2 going at one time….she’s an overachiever!

I said I wouldn’t, but did, and was able to get to his FB page. There I could see the correspondence between the two. Before anyone says anything, I do not look at her FB page since I do not subscribe to her news feed; therefore, I can still be FB friends with her and avoid seeing anything that would definitely hurt me (unless I actually go to her page). This way we are still FB friends, and I avoid any aggravation from her to the contrary….because she’s all about FB.

Anyway, he’s at least 20 years older than her, retired. Now I don’t know the guy, and I’m not one to slam someone I don’t know, but based on the pictures….wow! What is she doing? 

It does lead me to a question though. If she is willing to replace me with this guy, what does that say about me…what does she look for in a guy…makes me wonder.

State, I have had a really hard time with this, as well.  My replacement is probably worth 500x as me, but what keeps me going is knowing in my heart, it isn't about me and it isn't about him.  It's about her and her needs.  They could break up soon, get into a serious rs or even marry... . but the wheels on the bus that go round and round?  They're going to come off one day, and when she is sitting there with 2 or 3 kids from 2 or 3 different guys, burned every bridge ever built with anyone in her life, I will have redemption... . I will know that everyone will see her for who she truly is... . And that my friend id NOT what I hope it is what I know.

Oh, and another thing... . they definately have "daddy" issues! 

[State85]

Well said Arn... .

This guy probably is helping her financially. I have a previous post on this board where I talked about her sending me texts about her losing her house, car, etc. He's probably her "old sugar daddy"... . she told me I didn't care about it, was not being a friend, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah... . Well I don't. Not my problem... . hers.

But what bothers me is the way he looks, again I don't know him... . he may be a nice guy, I don't know. If she goes for that in a guy, what was I... . Or is this point irrelevant... . just a "need" issue for her.

[Turkish]

Well said Arn... .

This guy probably is helping her financially. I have a previous post on this board where I talked about her sending me texts about her losing her house, car, etc. He's probably her "old sugar daddy"... . she told me I didn't care about it, was not being a friend, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah... . Well I don't. Not my problem... . hers.

But what bothers me is the way he looks, again I don't know him... . he may be a nice guy, I don't know. If she goes for that in a guy, what was I... . Or is this point irrelevant... . just a "need" issue for her.

State, we are all "need" issues for them. Every last one of us.

It isn't about us, it's about them.

[State85]

Turk

I get that, but don't you think there has to be at least a little physical attraction involved? Or am i delving into the mind of someone that's just impossible to understand... .

[fromheeltoheal]

It does lead me to a question though. If she is willing to replace me with this guy, what does that say about me…what does she look for in a guy…makes me wonder.

A susceptible object to attach to, nothing more, nothing less.  I wanted much more, but she was incapable of going there, literally incapable, and for the longest time I thought it was because I was doing something wrong.  Silly me.

You can also use the Restricted list on Facebook, which keeps her as a friend but only lets her see what you post publically.  I was always thinking about what she'd think about my posts after we broke up, and I didn't need the aggravation, nor the aggravation of unfriending her.  It was a way to let me use Facebook the way I want to while my mind settled, and I eventually unfriended her, because no, she's no fcking friend fer sure.

[Turkish]

Turk

I get that, but don't you think there has to be at least a little physical attraction involved? Or am i delving into the mind of someone that's just impossible to understand... .

Of course, and that's in the eye of the beholder as well. I'm average to below average. My X is very pretty to some people calling her gorgeous. I always wondered about that... . she found me attractive for real for a long time. I know that. But she found, temporarily, a guy half my age and a jock. futbol or no, I'm way more of a man than he is, but on the outside it seems like he might be... . See? It is confusing to go down this path of thinking as I just did it. It isn't about that. It's about who will fill their needs at the moment. Sometimes these moments last minutes. Sometimes months and years.

But they are just moments... lost in time... like tears in the rain.

[RecycledNoMore]

She dosent look for anything in a guy, all she needs is supply, the human characteristics are irrelevant.Sorry state.

[shellsh0cked]

Man... . I don't know the situation here... . but I'd highly advise you to read some of the articles on the main page. Not judging... . been there too.  But one thing you need to realize is that she is not the key to your happiness.  Never was.  Borderlines play with our minds... . maybe not intentionally all the time, but they will make you feel like they love you so incredibly that it makes worth staying despite the horrible intolerable treatment you get.  Do yourself a favor... . delete her... . block her... . cut off anyone that talks about her.  Trust me... . that is the road to healing bro! 

[State85]

I pretty much knew the answers already... .

I have got to focus my attention on ME... . not this twisted b$&$&@ch!

She isn't worth an ounce of energy I expend thinking bout her... .

[shellsh0cked]

I pretty much knew the answers already... .

I have got to focus my attention on ME... . not this twisted b$&$&@ch!

She isn't worth an ounce of energy I expend thinking bout her... .

My xgf and I were not FB friends a lot because we never could seem to stay together long enough to do that.  Dysfunctional?  Oh yeah.  When we were?  She always read into everything I posted... . who I talked to etc.  Crazy.  On one of our many break ups, she went to see an old boyfriend... . like two weeks later which eas interesting because she says to have a panic disorder where she cannot drive on the interstate yet she could do it when coming to my house drunk and raging... . anyway, I caught wind of this from my friend that she had gone there... . like 300 miles.  Looked at his public profile and there was a picture of them together on the beach!  Trust me... . I get it.  I got super pissed off... . smashed my keyboard in anger.  Cut my finger... . dumb.  Someone else told me she did hers too.  Told me later upon "reuniting" that he did it.  I don't believe it. I know she did it to hurt me. She succeeded.  I was really upset cause I KNEW she had sex with him.  I know her.  I was right.  Don't let her do that to you man. 

I wasted a lot of emotion on my xgf.  Worried about what she is foing or who shr was with... . It was hard for me to come to grips with the fact that her love for me was a facade... . I know she didn't feel for me at all the way she felt about her.  I know if she had she wouldn't have slept with those guys like that for whatever reason she had... . feel attractive... . get over me... . whatever.  That sh#t hurts but once you really grasp it you will make it through this. It takes time. I had more of my fair share of recovering from the trauma.  You will get through it... . but you have to distance yourself.  Go in there and delete and BLOCK her @ss.  First step. You will feel much better almost immediately. Do that for you! 

[State85]

Shell shocked

I f'ing hate FB. My exgf was all about it. If I wasn't liking or commenting on crap she posted, I caught hell... . literal flipping hell. I see it now though, it's her facade... . post some fake crap of your f'd up life on FB... . make it look all glamorous and whatever.

She was all about acknowledgement, show me some attention!

Fake ass biatch... .

[shellsh0cked]

Shell shocked

I f'ing hate FB. My exgf was all about it. If I wasn't liking or commenting on crap she posted, I caught hell... . literal flipping hell. I see it now though, it's her facade... . post some fake crap of your f'd up life on FB... . make it look all glamorous and whatever.

She was all about acknowledgement, show me some attention!

Fake ass biatch... .

Mine was more her insecurity causing problems. She constantly analyzed everything I said... . any comments I made or others made. I was always in trouble for ridiculous ___. Facebook is great for keeping up with friends... . I use it for communicating with my bandmates.  Handy. But if you have a jealous and  inscure woman in your life it can suck. We both turned off our accounts towards the end because it was causing such problems in our relationship.  Should have been a clue to me this was gonna fail.  Facebook isn't the issue.  She was.  My current girlfriend and I use it. I accidentally broke our relationship status onc day and she thought it was hilarious. Cause she's secure with me... . she knew.  Even commented on it.  That had been M?  Wow. The ___ would have hit the fan! 

[love4meNOTu]

She dosent look for anything in a guy, all she needs is supply, the human characteristics are irrelevant.Sorry state.

I have to agree... . I saw one pic of my replacement, to say that she is NOT attractive is an understatement. Don't even know why my x posted it really. I would think he would be a bit embarrassed.

It's not a great love story, it's called "he needed a place to land".

Regardless, she is in for a world of hurt, whether she stays or goes.  Good luck to them both, ya know?

The upside here is that I have peace, and it's because of her. So for that, I say thank you.

L

[State85]

Sorry bout that shell

Mine lives on fb, literally. At my house she was constantly on it, always. Would shield her phone from me if I got near. Now, what you think she was doing?

I will not be part of her lame ass ex boyfriend posse that follows her every move on social media, waiting til the next replacement gets dropped or fed up with her bcrap... . take a number boys... the sex may be good, but in the end you will pay... believe me. Sex on the first date... oh ya, that's a given

[love4meNOTu]

state... anger is good right now, it helps you detach.

You're getting there, just don't let her get the best of you, she is not worth it.

For what it is worth, this is short term pain. You have avoided the long term pain.

Smart man.

L

[myself]

It's Fakebook if you're not being real.

It does lead me to a question though. If she is willing to replace me with this guy, what does that say about me…what does she look for in a guy…makes me wonder.

It says you're not the guy to fill her needs anymore. You're the guy who saw behind the mask she's showing off to some other guy now. You're the guy who was everything to her, but she's going to see if she can find someone else because she can't match your dedication. She can't be real with you. When she is, it hurts you both. The new thing she has is to cover up the old things. Which isn't personal. She sees scapegoat. You see you.

It doesn't say ANYTHING about you. That's seeing it from her eyes.

It doesn't matter what she's looking for. What are YOU looking for?

You be who you are. Don't doubt it. You're not replaced, you're free.

[love4meNOTu]

^^^^^good stuff myself, dang good

L

[State85]

Love and myself... .

Y'all are awesome!

I'm going to focus on me. I'm doing Ironman Florida this year... . focus on me... .

[love4meNOTu]

NOW THAT'S MORE LIKE IT!

[State85]

Yep... . that's more like it!

It's my time... .

[myself]

I'm going to focus on me.

[Ironmanrises]

I am so sorry you had to find that out. We were discussing this very thing yesterday, you and I. That guy fills a need for her. Literally. As heinous and god awful as that sounds. No reflection on you as a person, but i know that wont lessen the pain. That he is that much older than her, means he was an easy mark. She didnt have to work hard to get him. Hang in there friend.

[State85]

Thanks ironman... .

You've helped me a lot on these boards. Thank you!

[Ironmanrises]

Know that his fate will be the same as yours. Her behavior will not change. Be aware that when things go to part between them, and it will, she may very well start to re idealize you. You and everyone else on here have helped me too. 

[State85]

I know what you're going through ironman from your other posts... .

We're here for ya... . don't doubt it.  We'll get through this!

C'Mon Man... . do not lose faith!

[RecycledNoMore]

Love and myself... .

Y'all are awesome!

I'm going to focus on me. I'm doing Ironman Florida this year... . focus on me... .

Thats what im talkn bout!

Using your anger, turning it to your own advantage!

Woohoo!

[santa]

The other day my ex says she "doesn't want to stay a single mom forever" so I'm assuming she's either started dating or very close to it.