Today was for me...

[arn131arn]

Today I purged.

My buddy who is a General Contractor dropped a 30 yard dumpster in my driveway yesterday.  I woke up at 0630 and three buddies from AA came by and helped me get rid of everything. 

From the garage to the house.  Stupid knick knacks, toys my child hasn't played with in years (though she would never let me throw away.  Pictures of her and I, years and years of accumulation (s**t) acquired from living with her.  Are BPDs "packrats"?

Anyway, I got rid of it all.  The garage, the office (which was a s**t show), drawers in the kitchen island which were always supposed to be for spices, cooking utensils, etc, just filled with junk.  I got rid of it all... . the things she left behind.

Some things were sad, things I bought for her and my son to use (a jogging stroller, that they no longer use bc my son (8) is too big); but I found myself ruminating a bit.  I quickly remembered the 6 months of BULLS**T DV classes, and the money that was spent on that and I couldn't afford private s**Tchool for my son that year bc of it.

I am no longer a storage facility.  I bagged her shoes and clothes, and will call her father on Tuesday to have him swing by and pick up.  She is leaving this relationship with what she came in with- the clothes on her back.

2 more weeks... . touch up paint, light carpentry, and a good old clean, my house will be on the market.  time to pull all that equity out, finish school without having to work 40+ hours a week and kill myself to make straight As.  I will be relaxed while doing it now.  Maybe have time to meet new people when I am 60 miles away. 

Getting rid of things my ex with BPD never appreciates, next up the house she never thanked me for.

Arn

[sun seeker]

   Arn

   Good for you. ... . sounds like you have taken a hold of your situation. I did something similar. This week , I gave her parents all her belongings from my house , threw away all the cards, letters(didn't read them) and gifts she ever gave me. And I known I will never see my cloths from her condo, a small price to pay for health & happiness... .

[LilMissSunshine]

Awww... . bitter sweet but good for you arn   

[Perfidy]

Hey arn... That's going to be a huge relief. Getting rid of her stuff. Bittersweet. Sad but empowering. Taking your life back.

Ill share a little of my purging experience. She left. I thought she would be returning. She went to visit her folks. She didn't return when she said she would. All of her things were still at my place.  In the mean time she got herself involved with my replacement. In march my place burned to the ground with all her stuff in it. When I told her about the fire she told me about my replacement. $hit happens for a reason yo.

[RecycledNoMore]

The great purge of 2014!

Well done Arn!

Next stop, your mind!

[goldylamont]

YES arn, such a good move and i'm so happy for you. we know that we have a long road to recovery but it's actions like these that will setup an environment conducive to moving on in a healthy way. and having your buddies help out is great too.

one thing i learned from my breakup was how excellent my friends were to me. they swooped right in and kept me company, listened to all my isht and supported me. when i had to deal with meeting the replacement when my ex moved out i invited three friends over just for support and to dissipate negative energy and i'm so thankful they were there.

you Move is a good "move"!

[arn131arn]

Thanks everyone. I had to miss my son's basketball game today bc of the purge. My mother went and saw her. She said she is acting really bizaar. A nervous wreck, in a hurry to go nowhere, talking really fast, she is skin and bones, breakouts on her face. She's been moved out for 4 months now, still has not gotten her own place, and even asked my mom for me to split a bday party for my son (I am not will do something on my own w son). Is any of this normal for BPD out of a long RS with no contact? She seems like she's losing it, ya'll, and I guess I am concerned.

[arn131arn]

The only reason I'm asking is bc it sounds allot like methamphetamine or cocaine. I don't know though. Never saw that while with her

Except the adderal she used while studying for school. She wasn't even add she went to a fly by night for the script

[Ironmanrises]

The fact that you were able to do that means subconsciously, the FOG is lifting for you. Good to hear Arn. Hang in there.

[RecycledNoMore]

O dear

In nz we call them " fritters", always fried.Meth.

Your concern for her is valiant, but you cant let her problems be yours, not anymore, but I do understand where your coming from bc you have your sons welfare to consider.

[maxen]

a big step. as ironman says, you're coming out of the FOG.

My mother went and saw her.

see, you and your family are decent people. my wife was deceitful and bolted, yet my family tried to reach out to her. her family cut me off like a limb. so good on your mother.

[arn131arn]

Maxen, we are decent people. They are as hited up as a three dollar bill. My mother went to watch her grandson play basketball... . she could give a hit about my ex. Lol

[myself]

That's such a literally moving image. You got in there and took care of it. You're detaching. Accepting. That was then. This is now. It was best for you so that's what you did. I'm sorry for your loss, but happy for you for your successes. That much less stuff to hold you down or hold you back. Keep going, Arn!

[arn131arn]

Next up... . engagement ring. This one may be a little more difficult.

[State85]

Way to go Arn!

We're here for ya Bro... . stay strong

[goldylamont]

Thanks everyone. I had to miss my son's basketball game today bc of the purge. My mother went and saw her. She said she is acting really bizaar. A nervous wreck, in a hurry to go nowhere, talking really fast, she is skin and bones, breakouts on her face. She's been moved out for 4 months now, still has not gotten her own place, and even asked my mom for me to split a bday party for my son (I am not will do something on my own w son). Is any of this normal for BPD out of a long RS with no contact? She seems like she's losing it, ya'll, and I guess I am concerned.

it could be that yes she is losing it some, or perhaps just having a bad day? it's hard to know without me understanding fully the situation though. i can say this about my ex gf behavior after we broke up--it got markedly worse. we've been apart 2 years but were together for 4. in the 4 years i was with her i don't recall any of my friends (or hers) having anything out of the ordinary or certainly not negative to say about her. to be fair she was always difficult in our r/s (jealousy, a bit vengeful at times). yet this seemed contained within our r/s and the frequency was much less. those outside wouldn't notice.

after leaving though i believe she started abusing the replacement something terrible. she swore to me in private and publicly how great he was and how much they trusted each other, yet their r/s lasted a total of 4 months, multiple breakups and him calling her every foul name in the book in text messages. i think this guy was a little off, but at the same time i think she was deserving. months after this, after our 'fake recycle' she started in with another guy--he lasted 6 months and then i hear from neighbors they had a terrible breakup and he stole all of her IDs and had her banned from certain properties. again, i think he was probably justified.

the most shocking to me though weren't the men she was involved with, but what was most telling were two of her friends, who over a year later reached out to me. hmm, odd that they reached out to me since she had been through 2 loves-of-her-life since then. but both of these women had been deeply hurt by her, one of them was her roomate who had gotten in a physical fight with her and had been devalued terribly. the other just said she got a sick feeling in her stomach when hanging around her and said my ex was toxic.

while i fully realize that i was blind perhaps to some of my ex's behavior during our r/s, i can say it's been much worse since we haven't been together. arn you will have to prepare yourself for you ex contacting you and trying to reel you back in. she does not want your help and in fact would be offended if you tried to offer it (you're the one with the problem, remember). so you have to resist any urges to 'help' because she will use this against you.

pwBPD as i see it have no qualms about asking for what they want or doing what they want. your ex may be in a bad place now but you have to see that she doesn't want or need anyone's help to pull her out of it. her nature is to pull those around her down to her level and you have past experience to know this.

[arn131arn]

Thanks everyone. I had to miss my son's basketball game today bc of the purge. My mother went and saw her. She said she is acting really bizaar. A nervous wreck, in a hurry to go nowhere, talking really fast, she is skin and bones, breakouts on her face. She's been moved out for 4 months now, still has not gotten her own place, and even asked my mom for me to split a bday party for my son (I am not will do something on my own w son). Is any of this normal for BPD out of a long RS with no contact? She seems like she's losing it, ya'll, and I guess I am concerned.

it could be that yes she is losing it some, or perhaps just having a bad day? it's hard to know without me understanding fully the situation though. i can say this about my ex gf behavior after we broke up--it got markedly worse. we've been apart 2 years but were together for 4. in the 4 years i was with her i don't recall any of my friends (or hers) having anything out of the ordinary or certainly not negative to say about her. to be fair she was always difficult in our r/s (jealousy, a bit vengeful at times). yet this seemed contained within our r/s and the frequency was much less. those outside wouldn't notice.

after leaving though i believe she started abusing the replacement something terrible. she swore to me in private and publicly how great he was and how much they trusted each other, yet their r/s lasted a total of 4 months, multiple breakups and him calling her every foul name in the book in text messages. i think this guy was a little off, but at the same time i think she was deserving. months after this, after our 'fake recycle' she started in with another guy--he lasted 6 months and then i hear from neighbors they had a terrible breakup and he stole all of her IDs and had her banned from certain properties. again, i think he was probably justified.

the most shocking to me though weren't the men she was involved with, but what was most telling were two of her friends, who over a year later reached out to me. hmm, odd that they reached out to me since she had been through 2 loves-of-her-life since then. but both of these women had been deeply hurt by her, one of them was her roomate who had gotten in a physical fight with her and had been devalued terribly. the other just said she got a sick feeling in her stomach when hanging around her and said my ex was toxic.

while i fully realize that i was blind perhaps to some of my ex's behavior during our r/s, i can say it's been much worse since we haven't been together. arn you will have to prepare yourself for you ex contacting you and trying to reel you back in. she does not want your help and in fact would be offended if you tried to offer it (you're the one with the problem, remember). so you have to resist any urges to 'help' because she will use this against you.

pwBPD as i see it have no qualms about asking for what they want or doing what they want. your ex may be in a bad place now but you have to see that she doesn't want or need anyone's help to pull her out of it. her nature is to pull those around her down to her level and you have past experience to know this.

Thanks, Goldy.  You are right , I can't get sucked into the black hole of toxic shame and sludge.  I was the one who always initiated contact, begged for another chance, and told her I would move mountains to make things right... . this time I am not.  I believe she is understanding or has a fear that this time is for good.  I always told her if I found out that there was another man, I was done for good... . well, this time, I did.

Besides, my girlfriends at work all told me this is NOT typical behavior for a woman in love.  They are all smiles and on top of the world.  Maybe he is showing her he just wanted to hit for a while, his past shows he will never marry or have kids.  Maybe, she moving too fast for Joe Millionaire, trying a little too hard, or desperate.  I hope she is desperate.  I believe she will choose the money over our son, then I can get my boy and he can lead a healthy lie of love and nourishment.  Maybe her wheels are falling off... . maybe just for today, I don't give a hit... .