We are not victims we are products of time and circumstances

[sun seeker]

  I feel like I've been to hell and back. Growing up in an emotionally unavailable house hold. Alcoholic parent , Bullied in middle school , Parents divorced when I was 8 , rarely saw my mom. She past last year and I barely knew her. Failed realationship after failed relationship. And then the the icing on the cake my xdBPDgf ripped me apart. I was in such pitty for myself. And I couldn't stop obsessive thoughts. And I went through a gambit of emotions. Once i felt better i would go through the gambit again. Man i tortured myself...   I read for weeks on BPD to better understand what I was dealing with... It helped. I talk to family and friends. That helped . What helped the most was this board and the amazing people I now consider friends.

It took all this ___ for me to stop feeling sorry for myself. And do work on myself to become a  better man. And I hell of a good man these days. I am some one who can be counted on... . Dont get me wrong I am a work in progress. And I deserve all the good things life has to offer. And im working my a*s off to get thier. I work full time, im in school full time, and I take care of my elderly father day in day out. I dont give a f**k what my xdBPDgf has to say (lies) to anyone . The ppl who matter in my life knows she mentally ill. And f**k anyone  else who believes her. Cause at the end of the day I have to live with my choices and i feel great about my choices.

I refuse to let that xdBPDgf define me or use me as a doormat . She actually helped me become a better man. Her b.s. made me look at myself yet again. And guess what thats mother efffin progress. She can stay stuck in her recycle dysfunction. Her loss she had someone that would stand with her through anything. I knew I couldnt help or fix her all I could do was be thier for her 100.

Every ex I had trys to come back till this very day. Im no where near perfect , who the hell is... They took me for granted and got ran over by dude after dude they are half the man I am. Sorry about thier luck but this guy moves forward.  And that ___ speaks volumes... . ill get off my soap box. Needed to vent. Lol I am feeling like myself again... .

To all of you on this board you ppl are awesome and I owe you my sincerest gratitude!

Hope I can help you as much as you helped me.    THANK YOU

                                                           

[Perfidy]

Awesome! Thank you. I needed to hear some of that. You're right on the money. All my ex's want me back too. Everyone who knows me lives me. To heck with her!

[oblivian2013]

Amen, brother!

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

[myself]

Cause at the end of the day I have to live with my choices and i feel great about my choices.

this guy moves forward.

Great post, sun seeker! Looking in the mirror and respecting what you see!

It took a lot to get here, but you always had it in you.

Keep going where you need to go!

[Moonie75]

Sun,

I really enjoyed reading your post. I truly wish you peace & contentment in your rewards for doing so well with your introspection. Hats off to you mate.

That post 'rocks' as you lot over there say! 

[sun seeker]

 Thanks Moonie, myself , oblivian, perfidy... .

  I had a break through today when I read "lonely child /abandon child"  it realy helped with the acceptance & forgivness phases of my healing process. This was a great release when I wrote this earlier.