Broke LC, now paying the emotional price?

[theirdad]

Over a year past our separation, court matters nearly settled and routine in place with my two small children etc.  Been seeing a T regularly and my perspective on life growing clearer.  However, the other day I spent an unusual amount of time with my ExBPDW helping her out with some household stuff.  She was civil, warm and at the end of the hour she clearly didn't want me to leave, so we just spent some time together.  All these emotions in me got stirred up,  I didn't know I could still feel that way.   Now, for the past 3 days I find myself missing her, missing the 'family' we never really had, just very depressed.  Anyone experience this?  thanks.

[Moonie75]

I haven't, but imagine in the same situation you were in I may well have felt the same.

Double edged sword mate... . If she'd been horrid & spewing bile & hate out, that would've hurt you & got to you.

On the other hand, her nice warm side gets to you too. Gets to the other set of memories you have of being with her.

Distance is a bigger tool than we realise I guess. You'll get through it I'm sure. A set back maybe, we all have them.

Is she in a relationship currently? Do you have any reason to believe she's driven by 'need' of someone, and you were available? Recycle foundations being laid?

[Murbay]

My T talked to me at great length about the chances of those feelings coming back, possible reasons why and also what to do. So I guess in answer to your question, yes, they are quite common. I would assume that's why so many people get recycled too.

He explained that given the circumstances, they appear to have changed and stir up our emotions from the few times things were good. The peaceful days we longed for when we were enmeshed in the crazy, messed up world. It can be a lot stronger when children are involved too. Like you say, missing the "family" you never really had.

The advice my T gave is that no matter how nice the ex may seem or that things may have changed, unless they have got professional help and are working through their issues, nothing has changed. He said that any feelings or emotions that get stirred up, focus on the feelings you had at the end of the relationship because that is the reality and although things might be good for a very short time, that is where you will find yourself again. Are you prepared to go through the entire court process again? How did it make you feel going through it all this time around?

In terms of the children. As tempting as it might seem working to become a whole family again, would you really want to put your children through all that pain and agony again? Not only that but because time has passed, they are older and would understand a little more next time around