Two years NC and she never ever recycled back?

[jjk0614]

It has been a full two years since my ex fiance w/BPD cheated and walked out. When she left, she made it impossible to contact her, slight of going to her moms (which is where she moved to), and I did go to her mom's many times over the first year, then soon gave up because she would never answer the door, not once. My question here is why didn't she ever recyle back to me? We lived together for three years and her two kids are amazing, I was very close to them. I was the only father figure those kids had. After reading and posting on this site for two years now, I expected her to recycle back, I wanted her to, I couldn't wait for the day she would love me again. Is it possible she painted me so black that she literally removed me from every single thought? Never to think of me again? I never had any closure from her, and I'm clearly still very effed up. Two years and I still love her, even after all the pain she caused. I still love her, and I still want her back. I am trying to move on and heal. Therapy helps... . although I think even my therapist is becoming annoyed with me crying over her week after week. Can anyone offer some insight as to why she never came back? or contacted me even once? Could the guilt of her cheating be keeping her from ever reaching out again? I can't seem to find the closure I need within myself. She just walked out, never looked back. One day I went to work a family man, in love, and that same day I came home to an empty house.

[Ironmanrises]

Did she find other guys to target?

[Waifed]

I truly think it depends on the person.  I believe that some pwBPD move on and never look back due to shame or whatever.  Others follow a pattern of going back to exes.  Some might actually be faithful to the one they are dating (I wouldn't know anything about this type of person).  If they have strong narcissistic traits they may never look back once they feel like they have lost control or have been identified as a fraud.  They are still human and everyone reacts differently to situations in life. 

You really need to focus on getting better.  You will never begin to heal until you truly want to.  It is easy for me to say because it is a daily struggle but I do believe it is true. 

[jjk0614]

I have no idea ironman. When she walked out ,she moved to her moms, left the cell phone that was on my plan at our apartment, changed her email, deleted facebook, blocked me from everything. The only avenue I had to reach out to her was to go to her moms. I did. Dozens of times over the first year. She never answered the door, never answered the notes I would leave on her car. My number hasn't changed in 10 years, she never called, never texted. She and her kids were just gone, literally gone. And now her mom has sold the house, so I have no idea where she is or who she is with. I reached out to her mom via text and email but her mom also never responded. Funny, I asked her mom for permission to marry her, since she is estranged from her dad. Her mom said yes and told me she is so happy that I am with her daughter. Her mom never replied to me once after she left me.

[charred]

Focus on getting better and over her yourself.

As to never ever recycling back... . you will be lucky if that is the case... . luckier than you can accept.

My pwBPD didn't recycle in 2 years, or 10 yrs or 20... . but after 24 yrs... . came back in to my life.

Was 10X the hell of the first time, she wasn't near the looker and it resulted in me getting a divorce, losing most my stuff, pissing my family off, and costing me a 100K+ a year job.

I hope she doesn't recycle... . for your sake.

[Perfidy]

Hi there jjk, sorry to hear about your prolonged suffering. I know these kinds of relationships are hard to move past.

I spoke with my counsellor about moving on and healing. This is what she told me. Most people get the physical Nd mental part of healing and recovery. Lack of spirituality is what holds most people back from moving past trauma. When we bond with pwBPD it is inclusive. Physical,emotional, and spiritual.

How are you with spirituality?

[sun seeker]

Waifed

I still on the fence about BPDers being human... human like possibly... .

I've only heard a couple stories of no attempt to recycle.

Seriously your are a lucky man not to be recycled. Its 10x worse the second time around.

[bewildered2]

while you were with her, did you have any break-ups? what happened when that happened? did she get in touch with you in some way? did you take her back and try again?

or did you have years of bliss until she just walked out and didn't look back?

i was annoyed because my ex-BPD just upped and left and she never contacted me again.

but then i looked back and realized that she had broken up with me many many times in the two and a half years that we were "together", and that she recycled back many times.

it was only when i had had enough, and she was smart enough to realize it, that she disappeared for the final time.

it could be that your ex-BPD sensed something about the end coming, and she left you before you left her. why? because her fear of abandonment overwhelmed her other senses.

remember also that it is very very common for a borderline to start new relationships while in their current one... . so she may have had someone new to run to, so in that sense she had her immediate needs taken care of, and hardly wanted to own up and tell the truth about what she had been up to prior to her departure.

the sad fact though is that these relationships contine to deteriorate, no matter what the non does, and no matter how many times you try again, and so the final break-up is inevitable.

i have no doubt that my ex-BPD was with my replacement within days if not hours or finishng with me, and she never came back. why? because she knew that the game was up with me, that i was on to her, and so she found her next victim.

to get past this woman, why dont you make a list of all the horrible things she said and did to you, and keep the list in your wallet. and when you miss her, read the list. do this for a few weeks and see how you feel.

i suspect that you will start to feel a little angry about how you were treated, and eventually you wont want her to come back.

it worked for me.

good luck,

b2 

[forgetthepast]

jjk,

I remember you because our stories are very similar.  Mine left for the last time about two years ago as well.  The only difference is mine contacted me once and it was by pure coincidence that she even did.  My e-mail was hacked and since she was still in my contact list, she got an e-mail from me that I didn't even send about some work from home thing.

Being that she is not the sharpest tool in the shed, she apparently signed up for it and lost money.  She texted me to ask if the website was legit.  When I told her that I had no clue what she was talking about, but hope she was well, that is when the games started.

She wanted to sleep with me again, but I told her I couldn't do a one night stand because that is not the kind of person I am.  Since this obviously pissed her off, she went on to tell me all the things that drove her away from me that I did.  Once she got those last words in, I haven't heard a peep in about a year and a half.

So let me ask you this.  Is this something you want to hear from her?  I guarantee that this is the type of response you will get.  No I miss you, no I made a huge mistake, or anything close to that.  You will get an earful of bhiting.  You will get to hear how you did everything wrong, how the relationship never would have worked.  Is that what you want?  Because that is what you will get.

I know how awful it all is.  I still think about my ex all the time, wonder what the new guy is like, etc.  But at the same time, the reality is it didn't work.  It couldn't work.  I am not saying I am better at getting over it than you.  I still have weaknesses .  There are no magic words I can say to you to help you.  You have to help yourself.  I hope that time will ease the pain and you will realize that anyone who treated you in this manner should not be looked at with any positive light at all.

Remember the good times for what they were, but they were just good times.  They could have happened with anyone, not just her.  Don't put her on any pedestal whatsoever, in fact knock her off.  You need to put yourself up there now.

[NoCRV]

JJK I am sorry to hear about your pain but be careful in what you wish for.  My BPDex have been broken up for about two and half months.  Last Sunday I got a call from her sister begging and pleading me to tell her I still love her sister.  Telling me we should get back together because I was so good for her.  She is "spending" time with her ex now and the family wants me back in the picture.  This week has been just as rough as the first month was.  I was and am analyzing whether the BPDex is behind the Triangulation or not.  I almost emailed her today and opened myself to more hurt.  It seems like when I pull away, they touch base with me.  I have to remind myself that I am trying to make sense of the actions of an illogical person.  Hopefully the silence allows you to move on and doesn't stunt your progress.

[RecycledNoMore]

Thank your lucky stars jjk...

Im saddened to hear your hurting

But I think you must ask yourself this question

" why do I want someone who hurt me so badly to come back"

The answers are within you, not her.

Im sorry (( JJ))