Phone has been silent...

[sun seeker]

 Last friday was the last attempt (that I am aware of) to contact me. No more prank calls on my land line, or her calling, the random friend request on fb have stopped.  I hope for my health and  sanity she is over it. I still worry about her just dropping by my house. I think I'm going to electrify my fence... .  

[Kallor74]

Build a moat and fill with hungry alligators.  Best defense against unwanted BPD disordered demons.

[Cimbaruns]

The first two recycles... . when the phone went silent I could cringe, just waiting for tho onslaught of what was to come.

I would have so much anxiety

This disappearance... . the phone has been silent going on 10 days... . of course now I know she has her hooks in someone since I found out shed been cheating on me all through the holidays... .

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Except this time... . I'm enjoying the silence and looking ahead to my life of freedom!

Anyone else appreciating the silence?

[Moonie75]

Yes & it's tranquility itself!

My ex is back with a previous replacement of mine so she's all quiet at the moment. They're about a month into their 'round 2'.

Their first cycle (the one where they really worship the new knight, went bang after about 10-12 weeks. Then foolishly i went back into the lions den!

So, assuming they will implode again, and possibly quicker second time round, I'm not expecting her silence to last!

I'm never going back, EVER. But I do expect contact attempts to start when her current recycle fails. 

[sun seeker]

 Lol Kallor. ... good idea... . but I think I would rather date the alligator. ...

Yea cimbaruns. I definitely have anxiety. She has a replacement through the holidays but still tried to contact me.  And the last r/s was my first recycle.  And my last... 100...

Awesome outlook cimbaruns.

We hooked up during the holidays and broke up during the holidays. Coincidence I think not!

Moonie... .

How goes it brother?

I hear that... NEVER. well MABEY for a shag... .

[arn131arn]

The first two recycles... . when the phone went silent I could cringe, just waiting for tho onslaught of what was to come.

I would have so much anxiety

This disappearance... . the phone has been silent going on 10 days... . of course now I know she has her hooks in someone since I found out shed been cheating on me all through the holidays... .

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Except this time... . I'm enjoying the silence and looking ahead to my life of freedom!

Anyone else appreciating the silence?

This is very weird for me, I must admit.  I have lived in chaos, insanity, and pain for over a decade.  I don't get raged on or the silent treatment because the dishwasher was packed wrong, or I put towels in the washing machine with regular clothes, or raginf bc I wanted to go off with my son to play catch.

It's a sad day to say that I almost miss that toxic sludge, almost miss the chaos, almost miss the pain... . What have I become? Nothing but a manic war veteran filled with highs and very lo lows.  

I hate what I have become.  So strong one minute, yet missing the very person who tried to kill me, who has told people she wished I was dead, the same person I still have on that undeserving pedastel.

I am going crazy... .

[Moonie75]

Moonie... .

How goes it brother?

I hear that... NEVER. well MABEY for a shag... .

Oh poop! Rumbled again! 



Seriously, NO! In the past, yes, if I'm honest with you. That desire was what took me back into recycles.

It's gone beyond that now. Thankfully! I genuinely am thankful to her for eventually disgusting me enough to keep 'it' soft! (where she's concerned).

[Take2]

The first two recycles... . when the phone went silent I could cringe, just waiting for tho onslaught of what was to come.

I would have so much anxiety

This disappearance... . the phone has been silent going on 10 days... . of course now I know she has her hooks in someone since I found out shed been cheating on me all through the holidays... .

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Except this time... . I'm enjoying the silence and looking ahead to my life of freedom!

Anyone else appreciating the silence?

This is very weird for me, I must admit.  I have lived in chaos, insanity, and pain for over a decade.  I don't get raged on or the silent treatment because the dishwasher was packed wrong, or I put towels in the washing machine with regular clothes, or raginf bc I wanted to go off with my son to play catch.

It's a sad day to say that I almost miss that toxic sludge, almost miss the chaos, almost miss the pain... . What have I become? Nothing but a manic war veteran filled with highs and very lo lows.  

I hate what I have become.  So strong one minute, yet missing the very person who tried to kill me, who has told people she wished I was dead, the same person I still have on that undeserving pedastel.

I am going crazy... .

me too... . no idea what it is I miss... . he has been so absuive... . I should be so glad for it to be over... . when will I be... .

[BeHappyAgain]

Sun Seeker - The phone has been silent

Cimbaruns  -  Anyone else enjoying the silence?

OOhhh  Yeeeeahhhh ! 

I'd like to go on record and hereby publicly state on the interwebz that, after 9 or 10 recycles since 2008 (I loose count), I am enjoying the silence.

I'm just edging my way back to the tranquility I had achieved by April 2013.

Then Einstein here let her in for two (count-em) more recycles  [Apr-Jul + Sep-Dec]

So I have now been dumped on Christmas day two years in a row. WoohooOO ! 

I'm not saying I'm totally imune - but 85% immunity I'd reckon.

That knowledge about lonely inner child [non] meeting

traumatized inner child [BPD] rings so true and has helped a lot.

Where theres knowledge theres not so much room for fear, self blame, anguish, jealousy etc.

I'm not missing the sound of me sobbing either.

Less of all that now - and more of peace, knowledge and acceptance

[a large part of which is due to this forum].

[Moonie75]

Totally agree with this post Be Happy.

Interesting to notice that, like yours, my ex could only manage about 3-4 months before her beezerkster went off again! Similar recycle lengths to me, with similar time between.

I'm enjoying it too now and am just about exactly where you are in your description.

take care man.

Moonie.

[sun seeker]

 Lol Moonie

Arn!

Im worried about you brother. I couldn't imagine going through what you have endured for such a long time.( mine was only 11 months) . Her insamity became your comfort zone. (Me too sounds bonkers right) calm and peace is out of your comfort zone. ( it will become your norm again) Im right thier with you man. I can't break this urge to contact her. (I wont I promise). But dam I miss her so dam much in one breath ,then feel relieved to be free the next... Just hope you find the strength.  I know you have it in you. keep up the fight.

Good post BeHappy!

Take2

everyone has their own Healing time. Im 7 weeks n/c and still struggling. I've done everything  I can to get happy again. I definitely feel a difference from week 1 n/c. Hang in thier man this board and the awesome ppl on it has been the biggest help for me along with n/c.

 

[Pretty Woman]

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever hear from my ex again.

Do I want to? A little part of me does only to validate yeah she does have BPD but I know it wouldn't be healthy for me if she showed up tomorrow on my doorstep.

The longest she hasn't talked to me has been a month. Last communication we had was Nov 15th. She told me I was not like her other exes and she was gone for good. She deleted all means of contact, phone, email and FB... . I haven't made any attempts to see if any of those venues have been reinstated... . and I won't.

I am seeing someone else who treats me amazing. I can't believe how much we compliment each other. We really care and love things about each other my ex found annoying. I would tell her about my day, even something maybe small and insignificant and she would say, "And you are telling me this, why?" I felt like a moron. This woman loves hearing about my day and asks questions about people at work.

There is so much give and take (mutually) unlike the roller coaster "push pull" I don't know what to do with myself.