We've got it made, people

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

We truly are incredibly lucky.

I was reading through some of the "undecided" or "staying" threads. Brought back some bad memories. After being 5 months out from my ex, I couldn't imagine going back into it. I feel bad for those poor folks still having to live in that.

It kind of reminded me that almost everyday I was with my ex, I thought about leaving her. I thought about getting away from her and not having to deal with her anymore. It was so difficult. Just draining. It really is a huge relief to be away from the chaos.

I know we're all upset about losing someone close to us. It's rough. I've struggled. We've all struggled. But we're sitting pretty compared to those who are still with their BPDs. Those people are in for a lifetime of misery unless they get away.

This is definitely the best board to be on.

[santa]

We truly are incredibly lucky.

I was reading through some of the "undecided" or "staying" threads. Brought back some bad memories. After being 5 months out from my ex, I couldn't imagine going back into it. I feel bad for those poor folks still having to live in that.

It kind of reminded me that almost everyday I was with my ex, I thought about leaving her. I thought about getting away from her and not having to deal with her anymore. It was so difficult. Just draining. It really is a huge relief to be away from the chaos.

I know we're all upset about losing someone close to us. It's rough. I've struggled. We've all struggled. But we're sitting pretty compared to those who are still with their BPDs. Those people are in for a lifetime of misery unless they get away.

This is definitely the best board to be on.

[Learning2Thrive]

I agree with you Santa.    Healing is hard.  But we have the a reward of a healthy life and future if we are willing to do the work to heal ourselves. 

From pretty much everything I've seen and read, the vast majority of those who choose to stay live with constant suffering and chaos. Minute by minute. Day after day.  Month after month.  Year after year.

As much as I still care about her and wish I could save her, I can't. She is the only one who can choose for her.  I am the only one who can choose for me.  Out of the fog... .   I choose life.  I choose health. I choose honesty.  I choose goodness and kindness and patience.  I choose no more drama. I choose me.

Congratulations for your choice, Santa!  Here's to healing and all the good things to come. 

[santa]

I agree with you Santa.    Healing is hard.  But we have the a reward of a healthy life and future if we are willing to do the work to heal ourselves. 

From pretty much everything I've seen and read, the vast majority of those who choose to stay live with constant suffering and chaos. Minute by minute. Day after day.  Month after month.  Year after year.

As much as I still care about her and wish I could save her, I can't. She is the only one who can choose for her.  I am the only one who can choose for me.  Out of the fog... .   I choose life.  I choose health. I choose honesty.  I choose goodness and kindness and patience.  I choose no more drama. I choose me.

Congratulations for your choice, Santa!  Here's to healing and all the good things to come. 

Right on, man.

[Perfidy]

We truly are incredibly lucky.

I was reading through some of the "undecided" or "staying" threads. Brought back some bad memories. After being 5 months out from my ex, I couldn't imagine going back into it. I feel bad for those poor folks still having to live in that.

It kind of reminded me that almost everyday I was with my ex, I thought about leaving her. I thought about getting away from her and not having to deal with her anymore. It was so difficult. Just draining. It really is a huge relief to be away from the chaos.

I know we're all upset about losing someone close to us. It's rough. I've struggled. We've all struggled. But we're sitting pretty compared to those who are still with their BPDs. Those people are in for a lifetime of misery unless they get away.

This is definitely the best board to be on.

Hell yes. I am only here to help you poor fools now. I know how bad it sucked for me. It's gotta suck for you at least as much. It will get better. Listen, I was gunna off myself but now I'm gunna off someone else! KIDDING! Sorta.

[thisyoungdad]

I am wondering if perhaps I should go back and read through some postings on those boards just as a reminder that I am really better off here than I was there. Sometimes a little reality helps.

[santa]

I am wondering if perhaps I should go back and read through some postings on those boards just as a reminder that I am really better off here than I was there. Sometimes a little reality helps.

I recommend it. I assure you that a lot of the threads are going to bring back some bad memories. You sort of forget about a lot of that stuff when you've been away from it for awhile after your breakup. It'll remind you of what it was really like.

[strikeforce]

Your right, we are far better off.

I read the stories on the staying board or hear about people that spent 10, 20+ years together and I am thankful mine only lasted a year.

I just cant imagine loosing a large chunk of my life to that.

[WalrusGumboot]

I read the stories on the staying board or hear about people that spent 10, 20+ years together and I am thankful mine only lasted a year.

I'm one of those who endured 23 years. Yep, lots of regrets wasting so much of my life, BUT, I cannot look back and sulk over that. I have to look forward so that I enjoy the life I do have left, drama-freee, and soak in every moment.

Yes, you are lucky you only lost one year. 

[Bulgakov]

It is coming down to the last months between me and my stbexBPDgf. I know it is going to keep getting worse until she leaves. I have kind of shut down and I have gotten boring and defensive as I detach. She is going on a trip where she will be with a guy she is trying to set herself up with. She pulled the open relationship thing. I understand because she also needs to do what is best for her, and I have not been extremely supportive lately. But, I know that it is all to her benefit. I know I couldn't date anyone right now without bringing hell upon myself. The cognitive dissonance is killing me. The blame I have accepted. The what-ifs. The attraction that I still have for her. The hatred that I also feel in many cases. I look forward to moving on with my life and have already spoken to friends about travel. I just want her gone, but she has to overlap every relationship when things are transitioning, which makes 'making the best of it while it is still here' near impossible... . then I get attacked for being negative and unsupportive.

I think you all really are better off and I look forward to joining you. I understand why people stay with the pwBPD. I am in it myself. But when eliminating BPD from the equation, would anyone actually support the idea of staying with someone as abusive and manipulative? I think not. I guess I support those who decide to stay and are actively trying to make it work. But I would never tell someone to stay with someone who was physically and mentally abusive. Now say everyone who is abusive has some kind of PD. Do you flip your answer because they can't help themselves?

That was longer than I meant it to be.

[santa]

I read the stories on the staying board or hear about people that spent 10, 20+ years together and I am thankful mine only lasted a year.

I'm one of those who endured 23 years. Yep, lots of regrets wasting so much of my life, BUT, I cannot look back and sulk over that. I have to look forward so that I enjoy the life I do have left, drama-freee, and soak in every moment.

Yes, you are lucky you only lost one year.  

I'd certainly like a refund for the 4 years I threw away. Lol

At least we got a lot of good sex out of it though. Hahaha

There were times I thought I'd never get out. I'm sure you felt the same way. We showed them though, didn't we?

[LilMissSunshine]

Hell yes. I am only here to help you poor fools now. I know how bad it sucked for me. It's gotta suck for you at least as much. It will get better. Listen, I was gunna  off myself  but now I'm gunna off someone else. KIDDING. Sorta.

My dear Perfidy, I hope you go with the "get yourself off vs. "off myself"  option.  Oops, sorry if I offended anyone 

[winston72]

I read the Undecided and Staying boards periodically... . also the Success Stories tab on the top of the Staying board is interesting.  It is informative, even transformative to read and feel along with others as they try to sort out a healthy path forward.  Reading the other boards provokes a broad range of feelings in me... . sometimes glad not to be there, sometimes feeling the urge to give it another try! 

Overall, exploring other boards tells me that there is a really broad range of conditions and experiences for people.  I am continually amazed at the similarity of experiences of people on the Leaving board and at the very same time I am perpetually aware that my relationship was unique.  It is colored by all the nuances that came for her life experiences, mine and the mix of the two.  The broad patterns of BPD relationship dynamics fit, for her and for me, but the specifics are different, as are all of ours.  In light of this, I have steered away from the us/them language or even non/BPD terminology.  It over-characterizes or objectifies both parties to the relationship.  Ironically, it has the effect of sometime apportioning too much responsibility, and sometimes not enough.