If someone tells you "I love you" in a short period of time and you say it back, what does that say about you?
I think this says, initially that you have weak boundaries. In other words, this is not really a normal thing couples say to one another without there being some development of trust and a reason for that trust to bring forward those kinds of feelings in a well adjusted individual. It also says, to me at least, that I should watch out (but I didn't like nearly all others here I'm sure), because it's aberrant behavior.
Secondly, it says that we might be needy. I believe many BPDs use these words to sort of select who they are likely to pair up with. If you have boundaries as I've discussed and realize this is one of those statements that has sort of been delivered a little too prematurely, you'll have the ability to dial back the intensity. But if you have low self esteem yourself, this sounds like an answer to your pain or struggles.
If someone you barely know tells you they want to spend the rest of their life with you becuase your their soulmate and you say it back, what does that say?
Again, I think this says that you have weak boundaries and low self esteem issues. To respond back in such a manner serves as an invitation to take things further for both parties. If you, the nonBPD feels so empty or so needy that you will succumb to the declaration of a soulmate without giving it much thought or time to develop, it's troublesome for you the Non and you should seek out a T. But the bigger question is, "Who does that first?" Answer: Probably and likely, nobody. That's why we're all here... .
If you say you love someone, what does that really mean? How much is enough? How much are you willing to take from this person because you love them?
For you it might mean some fantasy. Who knows what enough is, I think that's an individual question. In other words, different for each individual. And as for how much one will take for the other person. Again, that's an individual thing. It really depends on primarily your personality, pain threshold, up bringing, etc. all of the things we discuss here.
They are who they are, I get it... . I don't get them, but I get it.
I think the part that you don't get is, why are they all over the map, so attractive to us, but yet so painful too. It's because, they're not like us. They were either born, raised differently or a combination of the two (nature & nurture). They use their developed senses and techniques to obtain for themselves what they perceive or feel is missing, from others. How? Manipulation, objectification, etc. Whatever means necessary to survive. They're in survival mode, like we probably have never experience, most of the time. That in and of itself is why they puzzle us so. We have not experienced our existence like they have and do. It's foreign to our thinking and common ways of functioning daily. In essence, they think differently than many of the rest of us, even though there is a part of them or times that they might masquerade or appears to be just like everyone else.
But what about those of us who stay? Those of who leave (me)? and those of us that continue to feel pain from something that we should move forward from? Just food for thought.
For those who stay, they find a way to make it work for them. People don't stay together if they don't perceive that their needs are being met. People who leave are ones who've realized they're being abused or at a more primal level are not getting their needs met by the other. For those who are still in pain, we have still more work to do to resolve that and to move beyond it.
