Is this the stalking that is referred to?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi everyone,

I'm hoping for some advice .

My exuBPDbf just did something that is making me uncomfortable... .

I ended things two weeks ago and have been LC ( we are still friends on fb)

My birthday was this weekend and he did txt me to say happy birthday- I replied with a thanks.

Tonight he fb messaged a friend who he doesn't know who  was out with me today (and tagged)

All he said to her 'I hope let's had a good bday'

She told me so I Txtd him

Me- I had a good birthday, why did you message Sally?

Him- I saw her with you in your pics and wanted to be sure you had a good night, no biggie

Me- I'm happy to tell you anything you want to know, it feels uncomfortable for me for you to ask my friends

Him- I apologize, just wanted to make sure you had a good bday, it won't happen again

Me- I appreciate your good thrust for me, thank you- I had a nice day

He didn't reply at all- now if he really was concerned whether or not I had a good bday wouldn't he respond with- great! Or something?

I'm really nervous about stalking behavior ... . Is this how it starts?

[lets]

Hi everyone,

I'm hoping for some advice .

My exuBPDbf just did something that is making me uncomfortable... .

I ended things two weeks ago and have been LC ( we are still friends on fb)

My birthday was this weekend and he did txt me to say happy birthday- I replied with a thanks.

Tonight he fb messaged a friend who he doesn't know who  was out with me today (and tagged)

All he said to her 'I hope let's had a good bday'

She told me so I Txtd him

Me- I had a good birthday, why did you message Sally?

Him- I saw her with you in your pics and wanted to be sure you had a good night, no biggie

Me- I'm happy to tell you anything you want to know, it feels uncomfortable for me for you to ask my friends

Him- I apologize, just wanted to make sure you had a good bday, it won't happen again

Me- I appreciate your good thrust for me, thank you- I had a nice day

He didn't reply at all- now if he really was concerned whether or not I had a good bday wouldn't he respond with- great! Or something?

I'm really nervous about stalking behavior ... . Is this how it starts?

[fromheeltoheal]

He's feeling abandoned, the core of the disorder.  It could continue, but he's probably looking for replacement attachments too; hope for that.

[lets]

Thanks heel!

Do you think he was trying to get my friend to be a new attachment?

[fromheeltoheal]

Thanks heel!

Do you think he was trying to get my friend to be a new attachment?

Could be, or maybe he thought it's a way back to you.  At its worst abandonment is life or death to a borderline, so if he's very disordered he's panicking. You would know better, having had time with him.

[sun seeker]

 Hey lets

 Fromheel is 100... .

Anything is possible with the mentally ill. If she is a true friend she will tell you. I hope you have heard the last from him but dont be surprised if its not. Keep records of any conversations. Stay strong and hold your boundries if n/c is truly what you want. Goodluck lets... .

           

[lets]

You are right- doing what he did is a sure fire way of me reaching out to him - I guess he did get what he wanted.

I just moved into a new house and maybe I'm just paranoid but I don't want him to drop in and am nervous about stalking.

What's the best way to keep the stalking away?

[fromheeltoheal]

Don't communicate with him in any way, and if he escalates, get law enforcement involved, maybe a restraining order, if you are scared.

[fromheeltoheal]

He did say it won't happen again, usually hollow words from a borderline, but you never know.

[lets]

I'm good with going NC- I'm just nervous that if I cut 100% that's when. The stalking will begin.  This last LC I have been really good with my boundaries and don't have much of an emotional involvement at all.

If I didn't contact him again I'd be fine- I just really don't want to be stalked.

[1BrickShort]

If it was me, I'd be concerned. That he doesn't know this person but contacted them via Facebook to talk about you, is ballsy and a surefire way to get noticed (by you... . as well as them.) And yes, he said he wouldn't continue to do it, but he did get a response out of you, didn't he?

The Borderline Personality Disordered are masters at getting a response.

As a suggestion, I would severely limit what he can see on any of your social networking sites if you intend to keep him on as a 'friend.'  This would help to eliminate, or at least circumvent easy access to your friend group. Create a 'group' on facebook that only includes this person, and then create another group with everyone BUT this person. All general status updates (pictures you post -- anything terribly personal and no longer his business) go to the group with everyone but this person. Banal things like, "Gah. Monday!" or 'shares' or harmless impersonal items go to just him or to a group that includes everyone.

Personally, Facebook is the only social networking I currently use (and very little at that) as it is the ONLY place I can, without a shadow of a doubt, keep my stalker x dBPDgf out of my business. I've given up every other darn thing I've ever had in the past b/c I was getting tired of the constant harassment and/or her posting where I would be sure to see her crap even if I wasn't looking for it.

Stalking is a treat. And by treat, I mean an awful, horrid morass of helplessness when you are in the midst of it all.

Be careful!

[santa]

This definitely sounds like a prelude to stalking. I'd keep my eyes open to any new bizarre happenings.

[lets]

My 6th sense is really saying the stalking will escalate, which freaks me out. I live alone and am afraid he may break in- perhaps it's just an over active imagination on my side but I'm having a hard time sleeping- just in case.

When we were spending time together he was very nice and cordial, I saw no signs of anything but BPD... . This last action on his part has really thrown me for a loop!

Thank you for your advice!

[santa]

My 6th sense is really saying the stalking will escalate, which freaks me out. I live alone and am afraid he may break in- perhaps it's just an over active imagination on my side but I'm having a hard time sleeping- just in case.

When we were spending time together he was very nice and cordial, I saw no signs of anything but BPD... . This last action on his part has really thrown me for a loop!

Thank you for your advice!

My BPDex picked the lock to my place one time. Scared the hell out of me. Scared me so much that I stayed with her because I thought I didn't have a choice.

A couple of times when we were on the outs, I set up a trip wire in my bedroom. It worked once and really made her mad. I put heavy furniture in front of the door sometimes. The whole thing sort of became a game though. I think the fact that she's a girl made it somewhat amusing for me. If our genders were reversed, I think I probably would have felt differently.

I regret that I didn't get a restraining order. She swore to me that getting a restraining order would be useless though and I guess I believed her. I'm not telling you to go get a restraining order, but if I were you, I'd strongly consider it. Later on, you might wish you had.

[lets]

Up until this point nothing has pointed to stalking- tonight I'm just really spooked by what he did. 

I'm hoping he created the section he wanted and I have it to him- and it will be left at that.

I feel for you Santa- when your personal safety in your own home is compromised it must be traumatic.

His best friend is a police officer so I'm hoping that he is well aware of repercussions perhaps that is why he immediately said 'it won't happen again'

I do fear that tonight will be a sleepless night :/

[Tolou]

Lets's... . It is best to go N.C. for me it was difficult and she did end stalking like behavior, but after months of ignoring her, changing me number etc... . she eventually gave up... . Just simply tellt he person that you think it is best for you two to go your seperate ways and you no longer want to have any contact with them, leave it at that.  If they try contacting you, ignore them until they get it, you can let FB peeps know to ignore him as well, see what happens.  If he does stalking and you are scared, you will need to contact authorities.