Triggers.

[Moonie75]

Places, music, films watched together etc etc etc (list is different & endless for each of us), are all things that can trigger our memories of our exBPD partners & times with them.

Do you believe the BPD ex's are triggered by these things too? Certain things, especially places we enjoyed, evoke such strong feelings inside me I can't imagine the other person who shared the moment, not being triggered too if revisiting the place, song etc.

Are they also triggered by reminders of us? Could a place, song, certain event, trigger a happy memory within them?

[Lol4fun]

Are you meaning do our ex's with BPD triggered by those things and think of us/those memories?  I sure hope so... . Cause my ex when I was talking about this headboard I wanted to make that I saw on Pinterest went and made the thing for his own master bedroom! And I helped him pick out the furniture for that room. So I hope that whenever he is in that bed or room he is reminded of me and feels bad.

[fromheeltoheal]

Yes, but I know this from negative triggers.  We'd go out to dinner and she would rage at me in the restaurant for no apparent reason, and by then I'd had it, I wanted an explanation, so when pressed she told me some guy she cheated on me with took her to that same restaurant, she felt shame over it, and it got barfed all over me at volume.  It got to the point where quite a few restaurants were off limits if I was going to have a pleasant meal.

She got my best, we both know it, and we had some good times together, times that are pleasant memories for me, so I know they trigger her somehow, maybe as a pleasant memory, maybe as a rage to some new dude.  She told me that she always threw everything an ex gave her away when the relationship ended, so I don't think there are any of the nice things I gave her around to trigger her, hope she got decent money for them on craigslist at least.

[Pretty Woman]

Triggers for my ex... .

well in addition to "me"?



Anytime I was stressed over something and needed time to process she would dump me. I would have to have the emotions of a rock to make us work and that was not possible. Nothing like getting dumped the day you find out your best friend cannot be friends because you are gay.

I cancelled dinner plans with the ex because I was sad. This was a 20yr relationship ending (me and my friend). So the ex tells me over the phone she is "done with me". This is "over".

Distraught I drive to her house and I hear her on the phone with my replacement (her ex) saying "Now she's f'n stalking me!"

?

So I lost my BF and GF on the same day. I was distraught for a month. Then the ex comes back when she realizes a relationship with her ex several states away won't be feesible.

I take her back.

Yeah I need help too.

So triggers would always be when I felt sad or bad. She would abandon before I could when I wasn't going to leave.

[Turkish]

Mine is leaving everything in our house except for her clothes and toiletries. Not even taking the things she brought with her and had before our r/s (dresser, nightstands, microwave). Not even the pictures of the kids on the walls ("i'll make new frames". I know what she is doing... . cutting off her past of dysfunction, the last bookend being me. Too bad she will have to see me all of the time! At the very least, talk to me every day until the kids can use the phone themselves.

[MrFox]

Mine is leaving everything in our house except for her clothes and toiletries. Not even taking the things she brought with her and had before our r/s (dresser, nightstands, microwave). Not even the pictures of the kids on the walls ("i'll make new frames". I know what she is doing... . cutting off her past of dysfunction, the last bookend being me. Too bad she will have to see me all of the time! At the very least, talk to me every day until the kids can use the phone themselves.

I noticed that my ex had very little in the way of possessions in general.  I think now it's because she hops from man to man in about 2 year cycles that when she leaves a relationship she gets rid of all reminders of that relationship.  After we split and I ignored her recycle attempt she was out of her apartment within a week.  I really wish she would have just given me back the things I gave her, I gave her some cool stuff

The issue of triggers has been bothering me lately.  At this point I'm finally getting to the place were I really just hope she forgets that I exist.  My fear is that there is one reminder of me that she really can't get rid of.  During the 5 months we were long distance she would sometimes get worked up about us and I had a phrase that seemed to soothe her.  On an impulsive whim she got it tattooed on her body.  So, she literally has my words tattooed on her body.  Short of getting it removed with lasers or covered with another tattoo, I fear that this could be a constant trigger.

[myself]

Yes. She told me that during breakups she would put away things that I had given her or that reminded her of me. When back together, they came back out. She didn't have much from her past. Those are the physical objects. Food, sunsets, roads we drove on together, what does she do with that stuff? Are those memories just buried?