anOught,
I found your dialog alongside this conversation to be fascinating, and relevant to many things that have happened in my relationship. The sensitivity to changing something as simple as sugar, and the explanation about raw sugar is familiar but I can't process how to successfully handle that, validate it, or invalidate it with a pwBPD. What could you possibly say? When my husband gets like that--and its usually about food-I just shake my head and wait for him to regulate. But it makes me so mad because I feel controlled.
This happened yesterday when I decided to have coffee at the start of the football game, which was about an hour earlier than he expected to have coffee.
Well validating change that is not liked is simple: "You love to keep things the same.", "I'm doing here a revolution.", "Puzzled that I want this changed", "Not excited about the latest change". Also keep in mind that pwBPD may be strongly attached to stuff so letting go is hard for them (visit the leaving board lessons on detachment process read-up).
I mean it is fully their right to be upset etc. about the change. We did not ask and brought it on. Now they have to cope. It would not be fair to expect them to be excited and grateful. Certainly not right away. Later the new regime may be the even more liked old regime and dare you change it
He is conservative. That is ok. You are more adventurous. That is also ok.I found having some dialectic mantra working quite well for me to deal with our differences.
