seena pic today of xdBPDgf & replacement

[sun seeker]

  Dammit man... .

On lunch looking threw my fb news feed. And thier it is my xBPDgf's dad liked a pic of her and the replacement.(OUCH) She has been  blocked on my Facebook since n/c 7 weeks ago .  Now her dad (a friend for 13 yrs) is blocked  on my fb as well. To late damage done. This feeling really sucks.  Im at work I cant leave , I cant concentrate.  Im a mess. 

And I quit smoking cigarettes yesterday. ... .

[seeking balance]

  Dammit man... .

On lunch looking threw my fb news feed. And thier it is my xBPDgf's dad liked a pic of her and the replacement.(OUCH) She has been  blocked on my Facebook since n/c 7 weeks ago .  Now her dad (a friend for 13 yrs) is blocked  on my fb as well. To late damage done. This feeling really sucks.  Im at work I cant leave , I cant concentrate.  Im a mess. 

And I quit smoking cigarettes yesterday. ... .

Those FB pics can catch us out of the blue... .

Here is a time that DBT tools are great for NONS.  Since concentrating is not going to happen right now, how about some research for that brain of yours.  Go to dbtselfhelp and look at all the skills that you can pick from, practice - by the end, you will find something that can take 20% of that anxiety away - and 20% is a good thing.

Hang in there,

SB

[irishmarmot]

Sun, it is the nature of the beast.  And he will be looking at his replacement in the near future on fb.  And you will be over her and he will be in pain and so on and so... . ad nauseum... . Don't know if this will help, but I am grieving today but it doesn't appear to be coming from her the old core wounds have been opened and I am feeling the losses.  It's good to feel it, because it is healing...   No pain no gain.

[Perfidy]

Social media adds another facet to the whole process. In seeing the "replacement" we get to feel the knife twist again. Damn the Internet. The counter op is that we get to use this site and I for one find comfort here.

[sun seeker]

 Thanks guys.

Irish. Yea man it helps knowing im not alone today. Sorry you're going through hard times as well... . Thanks.

Had a rough spot Today. Its alot better know. I knew she had a replacement , but when you put a face to it. DAM... . YOU KNOW

Yeah perfidy felt the knife twist for sure.

Seeking

I looked for what you talking about couldn't find it but I was at work. I look more after school tonight. Thanks.

[love4meNOTu]

 :)ammit man... .

On lunch looking threw my fb news feed. And thier it is my xBPDgf's dad liked a pic of her and the replacement.(OUCH) She has been  blocked on my Facebook since n/c 7 weeks ago .  Now her dad (a friend for 13 yrs) is blocked  on my fb as well. To late damage done. This feeling really sucks.  Im at work I cant leave , I cant concentrate.  Im a mess.  

And I quit smoking cigarettes yesterday. ... .

Hey sunseeker-

Imagine this.

That same picture, but instead of a happy couple see the truth.

See her screaming at that person in the picture with her. Her face full of rage. Because it will happen, if it hasn't already.

And guess what... you don't have to deal with it any more.

[fromheeltoheal]

It's easy to smile and look happy for a split second for a photo, but you know what's really going on, or will.

[Waifed]

Social media adds another facet to the whole process. In seeing the "replacement" we get to feel the knife twist again. Damn the Internet. The counter op is that we get to use this site and I for one find comfort here.

I got burned one time looking at Facebook. I knew I was gonna get torched And I did. No more for me!  Her smiling destroyed me for a few days. I sure am ready to put this mess all behind me. It can't come soon enough 

[santa]

Sucks, man. Total ambush. One man's trash is another man's treasure though, right?

At least you've got this behind you now. It was going to happen eventually. Now you've already dealt with it. You're one step farther along.

Whoever that poor ass is, I'm sure he's in for a rude awakening at some point. If I saw a dude with my ex, I'm sure it would upset me initially, but you've got to figure he's about to be made completely miserable by this woman.

[buddy1226]

I feel ya man. My Ex has this dude she sleeps with about once a month and has for years. She says it's just sex and no attachment which I'm sure it is. I wish I would have kept her at that distance. Anyway we separated in November. The dude lives close to me and I saw her car there early one morning about two weeks after we separated where she had spent the night. That image of her car in his yard still tortures me but it lets me know what a trashy ho she is. Im mad at myself for loving her and taking her crap now. If I had walked like I should have long ago things would be much different now. Instead I took her Sh!t, walked on eggshells and then she left me high and dry. At least I'm going from grieving to anger. I guess that's improvement.

[spark2]

  Dammit man... .

On lunch looking threw my fb news feed. And thier it is my xBPDgf's dad liked a pic of her and the replacement.(OUCH) She has been  blocked on my Facebook since n/c 7 weeks ago .  Now her dad (a friend for 13 yrs) is blocked  on my fb as well. To late damage done. This feeling really sucks.  Im at work I cant leave , I cant concentrate.  Im a mess. 

And I quit smoking cigarettes yesterday. ... .

Not trying to be a detective but that's not how Facebook works.

If you blocked her - even if her dad liked a pic of hers you still wouldn't see it in your news feed as you blocked her.

Having said that - are you peeking? That FB stuff where the ex is mostly just projecting lies is bad for your soul.

[Lol4fun]

FB is a hard one... . So, I can completely understand.  I blocked my uBPDexbf b/c he was somehow learning stuff about me (even with mine locked down to only friends can see my stuff) and he and I were not friends.  I realized that our mutual "acquaintance" someone I mountain bike with and is in my circle of friends and who works with him was letting him know about things going on in my life.  It resulted in him contacting me via email b/c he found out that my grandmother was ill and thought I might be hurting.  I fell for the bait and it ended up not being good for me... . as I didn't need his sympathy as I had numerous other friends & family that were & are there for me when I'm going through hard times like a death in the family... . He has a new GF and hadn't been there for any other difficult times so why now.  Anyway, over the weekend I deactivated FB bc right now I would be too tempted to try and check up on him and also I don't care to have our mutual "acquaintance" fill him in on what is or is not going on in my life.  I will probably return to FB when I am at a better place emotionally and have fully and completely detached from him.  I don't feel like I will be missing anything from my break with FB as those who I am really close with and care about and who care about me keep in touch with me outside of good old FB... . if they don't well then they really don't play all that big of a role in my life.

Point is you have to do what is right for you and only you will know what that is.  I wish you the best of luck in making that decision and hope that it brings you some comfort & peace.

[spark2]

If you block another FB user

- They will not see your profile, posts, comments on others posts (even if mutual friends)

- You will not see their profile, posts, pictures or comments even if you have mutual friends.

In essence it makes anything either of you share invisible to one another. The only difference is that since you did the blocking you have the control to unblock.

Id prefer to be the blocker of an exBPD - otherwise they have the power to unblock you and then suddenly you might start seeing their pictures etc if you have mutual friends who comment on them. It gives them the power to unblock you as a reengagement tactic.

I say block and never look back.

Another thing my exBPD did after she had no other way of seeing any of my FB info - she started making fake accounts and trying to add me as a friend from those accounts. She knew enough about me to make accounts that I might think are someone I had met in the past. In fact when we first detached, she had SIX (i was amazed) fake accounts she had already infiltrated my FB account with when we were together.

So to that end I use the policy of : If I don't know someone in real life, face to face, or it is a person who i wouldn't want having my phone number, address etc... . I don't add them to FB.

I deleted a ton of people who had added me thru the art community because I never could validate who they were or if they were the exBPD.

[shellsh0cked]

Sometimes it is just best to deactivate for a while.  Once on one of my splits with my xBPDgf I had heard that she had driven about 300 miles away to visit an ex (she was blocked on FB). First I just balked at it... . and thought it was hilarious because she says she has this "panic disorder"... . and can't drive on the interstate for long periods of time although I saw her work through that just fine when it came to doing something she wanted to do (screwing some guy)... . or to come rage on me.   Amazingly cured... .

Anyway... . Just so happened it was a guy she dumped me for back in 1996.  I hated that guy... . intensely.  I thought this was really crass, but whatever... . I'm not surprised by this fiasco or her actions really.  It gnawed at me a little, but I let it go.  Next day or two I am on FB... . See one of my friends' post in the feed, and that $$hole's commenting on it... . ABOUT HER and about something "funny" she did!  I look at the avatar and see him with someone... . someone I know.  I clicked it... . guess who?  Yep... . her!  I just stared at it for a minute... . unbelievable... . 3 weeks later... . You could be with ANYONE... . but you picked HIM?  Wow did I feel humiliated.  I felt my rage rising and I freaked out!  Smashed my $30 keyboard... . kicked my desk... . yelling and acting crazy. I know her... . knew she was sleeping with him... . Rage... . shame... humiliation... . jealousy.  It all exploded.  It hurt really bad.  After I calmed down and picked up the pieces... . literally, I was ashamed I had let her get me that upset.  Found out later that night that her picture was the same as his on FB... . Said later that she was logged on and he changed it for her... . I found that hard to believe.  I am sure she did it... . another one of her lies... . Did it just to hurt me... . She's damn good at hurting people.  She's a professional when it comes to doing awful things just for the sole purpose of hurting someone.

Anyway, I turned off my account for a while after things finally went kaput in June 2012... . Started a new one about 3 months later to use strictly for my band use and close friends and family... . locked down hard.  I occasionally saw pictures of her but as time goes on they don't really bother me.  Another FB friend put a picture of her on FB last week.  I saw it and was like... . ehh... . whatever... . You aint all that... . why did I let you upset me like that... . Not really attractive physically to me anymore.  I am free from her.  

Anyway, point was is that Facebook isn't your friend right now.  Turn it off for a bit and come back to it later.  Just my 2 cents.  From experience.

[Murbay]

Sunseeker, I think the perfect comment on here is to look past the pic and remember the truth.

I looked happy in the pics my exBPDw put up on facebook and even convinced my own family but the truth was much more sinister. I found my ex put up more pics the more she started to feel bad, kind of like a reassurance and validation to themselves.

It is hurtful and upsetting when you stumble across them but the truth you don't see in the pics is something you do know all too well.