I need advice

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

A week ago I found out that my replacement broke up with my ex... . her and I have become friends and I found out so many lies that he said about me... . well last night on FB someone told me he posted a pic of our dog which I have living with me and put I miss Wrigley... . well people started commenting and he out and out lied and said that Wrigley adored him and didn't like me and that he paid the vet bills which amounted to more than I paid for the dog which is a lie. He said it was tragic that he hasn't seen him in 7 mo. It is tragic he chose it tho by lying to me and cheating to the point I kicked him out.

What I am wondering is this a trap? Is he hoping I will break my no contact which I have done for the last 6 mo cause its only been 6 since we broke up he lied about that too... . is he hoping I will contact him and this way he can hook me again... . I am just trying to figure all this out and I am not going to contact him but it hurts to see that the dog that is sitting on your lap didn't like you! I know its not true but now other people are going to think it.

He has also threatened me twice with a defamation of charcter lawsuit if I didn't stop telling people he lied and cheated. He is a very sick man.

Wrigley 52

[wrigley52]

A week ago I found out that my replacement broke up with my ex... . her and I have become friends and I found out so many lies that he said about me... . well last night on FB someone told me he posted a pic of our dog which I have living with me and put I miss Wrigley... . well people started commenting and he out and out lied and said that Wrigley adored him and didn't like me and that he paid the vet bills which amounted to more than I paid for the dog which is a lie. He said it was tragic that he hasn't seen him in 7 mo. It is tragic he chose it tho by lying to me and cheating to the point I kicked him out.

What I am wondering is this a trap? Is he hoping I will break my no contact which I have done for the last 6 mo cause its only been 6 since we broke up he lied about that too... . is he hoping I will contact him and this way he can hook me again... . I am just trying to figure all this out and I am not going to contact him but it hurts to see that the dog that is sitting on your lap didn't like you! I know its not true but now other people are going to think it.

He has also threatened me twice with a defamation of charcter lawsuit if I didn't stop telling people he lied and cheated. He is a very sick man.

Wrigley 52

[growing_wings]

Hi wringley,

BPD's are pathological liars. When they face break ups, is common to see them doing smear campaigns where they talk bad about the Non with all their friends and mutual friendships. Many articles describe this behaviour.

This happened to me too, she would talk badly about me (all lies!) to mutual friends, and i assume she also talked with those that were not my friends but hers only.  I dont see it as a trap per se, but as a behaviour they tend to exhibit. Having said that, it is easy for us to feel the need to correct all those lies and enter the game again.

at the beginning i wanted to defend myself, and tell people those were lies, but i think that was part of my ego wanted to get things right, i realized it would take a lot of energy to do that, and at the end of the day, waht people think is not something i cant change.

do not react to those. i found out that during the break up, i found out who my real friends were, and who werent. Thought of it as a cleaning campaign, painful? hell yeah...

[Learning_curve74]

Hey wrigley52, I know it's not fun to have him lie on top of the lying and cheating he did to you already. It is enough to drive anybody crazy! 

It does get your brain going, which is natural. Here's a few questions for you... . Are you generally a good person that people enjoy being around? How much do you think this incident about the dog will affect your good friendships?

As far as lies go, a house of cards can look great, but it only takes the slightest thing to make it topple. I think you put it well when you wrote, "He is a very sick man."

Hang in there.