Struggling

[seh77]

My Dad is in the hospital and not doing so good.  Two nights ago he had to have emergency surgery and the surgeon wasn't sure he was going to wake up from the surgery.  Well I went by the hospital that night and last night.  The first night my dBPDgf was ok with it and actually supportive.  But last night She started giving me very short answers and wasnt talking to me much at all.  So I gave her her space even though I really needed to talk to her about the things going on with my Dad.  So this morning when she got up she was quiet.  Then she asked if I was ok and I said yes.  Then she's like are you sure you haven't said anything at all this morning.  I said I was ok that I was just waiting to see if she wanted to talk and she got mad at me for this.  So we agreed to disagree on what was going on.  I went about getting ready for the day and she finally said that she was upset that I didn't mention how cute she was in her hat yesterday.  I told her I was sorry that I was upset and super stressed about my Dad.  Then she said well I talked to you I told you about my day and I pointed out that NO she didn't all that was said was she had a bad day.  EVERYTIME something is going on in my life that requires some of my attention she does this and I really don't know how to take it. 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[elemental]

her hat?

The best I can think to say is that she is anxious seeing your dad ill and you upset. Probably she feels like maybe she is not existing to you while your attention is so very much ( as it appropriate!) elsewhere.

She is like a child. You can ignore her behavior and likely it will escalate, or you can validate her by giving her a hug everyday while this is all going on and telling her how lovely and needed she is. It probably wouldn't take more than 5 minutes.

Not sure how you want to handle it though.

[seh77]

Zencat,

I give her a hug and kiss every morning before I go to work and tell her how beautiful she is.  I do that as well when we both get home from work. 

I just can't see how someone could be upset about a freaking hat when the person you love is stressing out because her father is in the hospital and not doing well at all. 

She is at least somewhat talking to me now but is stand offish.  So I am letting her be and doing what I have too.

[elemental]

Maybe it is her way of expressing sadness. She feels lost, and is thinking of ways to get more connection and is choosing what seems to be silly things to try and get it. Instead of saying, I need more of you, I am scared, I am upset you are upset and your Dad is so sick.

I don't know. Her head is somewhere, isn't it?

[seh77]

Zen,

I honestly don't know what she's thinking anymore.  Everytime I have needed her to be there for me it's turned into something like this.  She always tries to get the attention back to her wether it's good or bad attention. 

I wish she would go to counseling... .