I have returned to Internet social media.

[strikeforce]

Why not start a brand new facebook?

[Ironmanrises]

I thought of that, and realized I shouldnt have to do that. Seeing that picture really rocked me. A painful reminder that she does exist and is out there probably hurting some other guy who gets too close.

[myself]

IMF, sorry that got to you. Do what you can to protect yourself.

I too saw something recently, and while not the same as her knocking on the door it was an in my face reminder. I felt anxious about it. It hurt. I took some time to process it, and came up with this. I've been cleaning up the mess she and I made together, and it's like I missed a spot. She didn't put it there to disturb me, my reaction was just my reaction. I feel I'm going through withdrawal, and you may have felt this way too. I saw something part of me craves but more of me knows is poison.

I'm proud of myself I didn't reach for it again. That's progress.

[Tausk]

Oh Ironman:  I'm so sorry for you.  I know, I saw a pic of my ex on facebook and it's seared into my mind.  Everyone on the board here has unique experiences and pain, but the patterns are too consistent to be a coincidence.  We understand. We have all moved through it.  So, I promise that if you continue working, it will get better.  In fact, you're stronger today than yesterday.  

Radical Acceptance.  There's a reason for things the way they are, life is still worth living, and accept.

Detach and Depersonalize.   It's not really about you.  It's just the disorder at work.  A traumatized three year old.  Sadness.  She will never change.  Not because she won't, but because she can't.  Sadness.  

But we are dynamic. We grow.  We change. We can reflect, take responsibility, and move to a more enlighten space.  You are doing it.  Remember the pain is neutral. It just is.  It's how we investigate the causes for our pain and then how we respond that counts.   Expressing one's pain on the board is a positive response that will bring fruits.

In support

T

[Ironmanrises]

Thank you. Even though all i saw was literally a glimpse, her look was so completely different to what i last saw prior in person. A further reminder of the shape shifting metamorphosis of her fragmented personality expressed via her appearance. As angry as i feel, it stirred up feelings of sadness. Even though i knew it was her, i almost didnt recognize her at the same time. A person i spent years getting to know. Reduced to that. A glimpse. My eyes are welling up as i write this. I hate this f¥cking disorder.  :'(

[Tausk]

Thank you. Even though all i saw was literally a glimpse, her look was so completely different to what i last saw prior in person. A further reminder of the shape shifting metamorphosis of her fragmented personality expressed via her appearance. As angry as i feel, it stirred up feelings of sadness. Even though i knew it was her, i almost didnt recognize her at the same time. A person i spent years getting to know. Reduced to that. A glimpse. My eyes are welling up as i write this. I hate this f¥cking disorder.  :'(

I did not recognize my ex when I first saw her FB page.  It was not the person who was with me for three years.  But it validates that lack of self and the indication that the disorder is operating. 

It's good that you can feel sadness. Our exes are truly pathetic.  Their existence is so sad, and barely reaches the level of humanity that we strive to reach.   The lack of self, the contradictory fears, the piercing emotions, and the incapacity to cognitively recognize how the disorder is affecting them.  Sadness.

I ask ex partners who are very angry a question, "would your change places with your ex for even a second?"

And despite the inflicted pain, and the apparent ease of our exes to move on with consequences, the answer is of course not,  because we know that that they live their worst nightmares, and can't do anything to change it.  The fear, terror and pain that pervades their existence for every moment of their lives would probably drive most of us mad in an instant.  And, all they can do is survive another day.  Sadness.   

It is good to feel sadness for our exes, to cry for them, to cry for us, to mourn our lost dreams, to mourn the loss of the affections and kindness of exes, and to mourn for what was lost inside ourselves that would bring us into such an interaction in the first place.   

Compassion for our exes, brings compassion for ourselves, which brings forgiveness for ourselves.

You are strong and brave and kind and a person of dignity and character.

I honor your courage by continuing my recovery.

I hope you can honor yourself today.

In support

T