Anyone have health issue from living with BPD spouse?

[justaboutdone]

I am curious if this is common and how common?  Recently, I noticed how much better I feel after my wife has been out of town for 7 days.  It is the longest I have been home and she has been out of town.  I have been having the lower back of my head ache for several months now until the last week and it suddenly went away when she went out of town.  I thought it was just from lifting the kids or the weather but she left town and suddenly I am heeled!  Except, talked to her on the phone tonight and she is due back tomorrow and I am starting to feel the same pain come back. I have never heard of the back of someone's head near the shoulder hurt because of stress at home.  On top of it, I had a very stressful week at work and was a single parent all week so there was still a lot of stress but apparently not nearly the amount of stress she must bring on in this relationship.

The other health issue that does not cause problems but I notice is when she is ripping me a new one while we are laying in bed, my stomach starts making all kinds of grumbling noises.  It can be heard over top of her yelling.  Not sure what to think of that but it cannot be normal.

[Seneca]

There is a few books out about the connection between mental/emotional trauma and physical pain. I highly recommend anything by dr. John Sarno. He coined the term, TMS, or tension myoneural syndrome. It is basically when your subconscious brain tries to protect you from feeling dangerous emotions by distracting you with pain. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have TMS personally, and yes, my BPDh has a lot to do with it. If you are interested in understanding more, i'd pick up one of his books. Sorry you are suffering. 

[LifeIsBeautiful]

I get body aches, headaches, and lately stomach upsets. It definitely is related to the stressed. I had been talking walks whenever I could and during lunch time. It helps somewhat but having a good night's rest is important. I had tried sneaking in a 15min nap during the day and that helped.

[maxsterling]

Dull headaches for the first time in my life.  And issues with IBS.  I think both are stress related and both are related to the relationship. I've also noticed some changes in my thought patterns, a more difficult time concentrating, and a somewhat under riding obsession and worry.  When she was in the hospital for 10 days, I felt so much better, and all my friends and even my therapist noticed immediately

[Red17]

I get stress-related pain in the same area you are talking about.  My chiropractor said that it's just where I carry my stress.  She's able to make adjustments that are so far up my neck/spine they feel like they're in the base of my skull.  Those adjustments really help, but eliminating the stress helps more.  Insurance often covers chiropractic.  Eliminating stress, especially when you're involved with a pwBPD, is harder.  I hope you find relief.  In the meantime, I feel your pain.  Literally.   

[Soulsisters]

Yup,

It was the strangest thing at first, and then became the thing that made it so I could never go back again.

I started to feel dizzy.  Like I was constantly running in circles, which I guess I was.  But really dizzy.  I went to the doctor about because I thought maybe it was something wrong with my ears.  Nope.

He went out of town and the dizzy would stop.  Strange

My last day at home I had a severe panic attack that left me messed up for a long time.  It was scary.  I never went home again.

[empathic]

Yes, I feel that the stress is making it hard for me to concentrate at work and also is related to depression. When we had our first kid and I went back to work again it was like night and day... . I had been very productive before but suddenly I couldn't do anything! All I could think about was how she was feeling at home, if they had a good time or not. I had a sport activity once a week and it was the same thing there, she and the kids were on my mind almost the entire hour. Nowadays it's not like that, as the kids are older, but I still don't do nearly as much sports as I used to. Even if I have the opportunity I feel reluctant, something I'm working on changing.

[growing_wings]

i couldnt concentrate at work, nor enjoy life really (sounds drastic i know). I was afraid of her reactions, anticipating, thinking... . WALKING on Shells and that made me feel very stressed about it... .  

[lemon flower]

I'm HSP (highly sensitive) so even "normal" people can allready trigger my nerve system and overstimulate me,

so with my BPD-ex I lived in a constant state of stress, it's called "the fight or flight response", I felt a constantly heavy pressure in my neck, I had huge sleeping issues, sometimes lying awake for hours, with a dizzy feeling in my nerves, I was hyper emotional; I would burst into tears or start to shout in a hysterical way, I was worrying all the time, feeling tired and depressed myself,

the joy of a new love... .  

now that he's not living with me anymore i'm feeling much better but the sleeping problems still last (it's been 4 months since he left my house) and i still think about him all the time

[lemon flower]

hmm, "dizzy" nerves is not exactly the right word, I guess you'd call it "tangling", like there's electricity in your nervesystem 

[justaboutdone]

There is a few books out about the connection between mental/emotional trauma and physical pain. I highly recommend anything by dr. John Sarno. He coined the term, TMS, or tension myoneural syndrome. It is basically when your subconscious brain tries to protect you from feeling dangerous emotions by distracting you with pain. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have TMS personally, and yes, my BPDh has a lot to do with it. If you are interested in understanding more, i'd pick up one of his books. Sorry you are suffering. 

Just read a Wikipedia about this.  Too bad it is not medically accepted because it definitely seems to be true.  What Dr. Sarno says is very believable, at least in my case.  Thanks for sharing this.

[Seneca]

unfortunately the medical community hates the idea of the unprovable, and untestable. it reluctantly accepted the emotional component to certain well known stress induced ailments, like IBS, migraine, and ulcers. But doctors are still educated to see the mind and body as separate entities, not as the complex interdependent system that it is. I am highly sensitive and have been experiencing TMS or psychosomatic disorders since my teens. I have had, in no particular order: headaches, severe stomach cramps, IBS, back/ shoulder/ neck pain and stiffness, extreme lower leg and foot pain, muscle spasms, ringing in the ears, and dizziness. All of these things are a real experience. It is not "all in your head", it is real pain that your body manufactures as a distraction from painful feelings. Right now, my foot is in so much pain when I wake up, I can barely walk. It has been like this for months. There is no swelling or injury, nothing is mechanically wrong with it. But my body is giving me intense pain signals, that are worse when my BPDh gets me going. My pain is real and has stopped me from participating fully in my sport. It works as a distraction quite well. I lay up at night thinking about my foot and when I'll get to run normally again, instead of laying up at night with fear over my future and how I will  cope with this crazy person. 

[Proud_Dad]

I have at times experienced most of what has been reported on this thread. On a regular basis I can count on headaches, neck and back pain, severe heart burn, and a blotchy rash on my hands and neck when things get really bad. I also have a hard time concentrating at work as others mentioned, this increases the stress I experience as I have a very technical job that requires very high levels of both accuracy and precision.

[Proud_Dad]

I forgot to mention the twitch that I have developed in my left eye. I have never had anything like this before, but it started about a year ago. When the BPD activity gets turned up in our house my left eye goes nuts. It is very obvious to anyone who talks to me as it happens at about 20-30 second intervals for a good 2 hours at a time... .

[charred]

Stress from my BPDgf... broke out in hives... . saw a doctor for anti-anxiety meds... she sent me to a T... mindfulness calmed me down, lost the stress, and started thinking straight again... . ended the r/s.

When I first got in the BPD r/s (second time around... first time was 20+ yrs ago)... . weight just fell off, I looked younger, felt great... then as she started arguing/fighting and being abusive and we recycled... gained it back and hair even started greying... certainly had an effect.

[Pearl55]

Yes and yes

I've got chronic high blood pressure, GI tract disease ( fairly common in BPD relationships), headaches,... .

With each rage some of neurons DIE in brain. Nerve cells are not repracable. I know a family friend who's wife is a borderline and he's got a parkinson disease in his early 50s. That's why leaving is necassary if you like yourself!

[maxsterling]

neurons dyeing in the brain - I want to laugh at that but sadly, that's the way I feel, too.

There hasn't been a full blown rage in months, probably thanks to mood stabilizers, but even those tense moments where I anticipate a rage are enough to elevate my heart rate and make me panic.  During the rages, I truly feel like I could die, my fight or flight kicks in, and I just want to run, start the car, and drive all night to someplace.  I feel like one more rage and that's it - either for me or for the r/s.  Prior to her, I've never had any sober person scream at me before - ever.  Maybe a complete stranger once or twice that I could easily walk away from, but definitely not anyone I was close to.  And certainly never had a person hit or throw things at me in anger.  It's terrifying when she gets like that.

[Pearl55]

I've got anxiety disorder too!