Suicide attempt

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I was called this morning at 8am to say that my sister had taken an overdose and was in hospital. My mum couldn't get to her so I had to go and be with her. When I got there, she looked horrendous. She'd taken a cocktail of tablets (diazepam, valium, benzodiazepam and paracetamol) with a bottle of wine and her eyes were droopy and blood shot.

Not one member of staff talked to me about what happened and after lying through her teeth to a psychiatrist they discharged her. Outside I met a man and his elderly sick mother who were desperate to know that she was ok as they had witnessed the staff mistreating her the night before and had made a complaint to the nurses about her treatment.

When she was rushed in to hospital (because her friend called an ambulance), she was unconscious and they put her on a drip. She kept falling out of the bed and was disorientated and at one point, she fell backwards and smacked her head on the floor where she was left for an hour with people walking over her. The nurse said "You're distracting the other patients (after a complaint was made) and other people need this bed more than you" at which point she was dragged up by her arm and thrown on the bed after smacking her face in to the lamp by the bed. Her face is horribly bruised as a result.

I am so disgusted by the hospital staff's treatment of a mentally ill patient and left devastated that even though I tried my best to get her help from a crisis team, the best I got was "she needs to see her GP" which was closed and left with the appointment she has tomorrow to see a psychiatrist. I guess if someone is at risk of killing themselves they’re just left to get on with it.

I am so drained, so angry and so upset about the whole thing. I couldn’t stay with her tonight so I’m praying with all I have that she sleeps through the night (she was sleeping when I left her) with no dramas until my mum gets there tomorrow to push for some proper help for her from the psychiatrist. The worst thing is it came out of nowhere, she had a nice meal with friends and seemed fine when I spoke to her. Then she said she took some pills to sleep and carried on taking them thinking “it might be nice to die”. She’s so out of control of herself at the moment, I’m terrified of what she’ll do next. Sorry for the essay.

[Blondy90]

I was called this morning at 8am to say that my sister had taken an overdose and was in hospital. My mum couldn't get to her so I had to go and be with her. When I got there, she looked horrendous. She'd taken a cocktail of tablets (diazepam, valium, benzodiazepam and paracetamol) with a bottle of wine and her eyes were droopy and blood shot.

Not one member of staff talked to me about what happened and after lying through her teeth to a psychiatrist they discharged her. Outside I met a man and his elderly sick mother who were desperate to know that she was ok as they had witnessed the staff mistreating her the night before and had made a complaint to the nurses about her treatment.

When she was rushed in to hospital (because her friend called an ambulance), she was unconscious and they put her on a drip. She kept falling out of the bed and was disorientated and at one point, she fell backwards and smacked her head on the floor where she was left for an hour with people walking over her. The nurse said "You're distracting the other patients (after a complaint was made) and other people need this bed more than you" at which point she was dragged up by her arm and thrown on the bed after smacking her face in to the lamp by the bed. Her face is horribly bruised as a result.

I am so disgusted by the hospital staff's treatment of a mentally ill patient and left devastated that even though I tried my best to get her help from a crisis team, the best I got was "she needs to see her GP" which was closed and left with the appointment she has tomorrow to see a psychiatrist. I guess if someone is at risk of killing themselves they’re just left to get on with it.

I am so drained, so angry and so upset about the whole thing. I couldn’t stay with her tonight so I’m praying with all I have that she sleeps through the night (she was sleeping when I left her) with no dramas until my mum gets there tomorrow to push for some proper help for her from the psychiatrist. The worst thing is it came out of nowhere, she had a nice meal with friends and seemed fine when I spoke to her. Then she said she took some pills to sleep and carried on taking them thinking “it might be nice to die”. She’s so out of control of herself at the moment, I’m terrified of what she’ll do next. Sorry for the essay.

[P.F.Change]

Oh, Blondy90, I'm so sorry to hear this. 

I just replied to your other thread before I saw this one. It is clear your sister is really suffering.  :'( I hope she will get the help she needs. I will pray with you that she will stay safe.

I can tell you're upset, too, and understandably so. How are you looking after yourself right now? Do you have a therapist you can call and check in with for advice?

Wishing you peace,

PF

[Blondy90]

Hi,

Thank you for your replies. Talking about how I feel on the other thread, I think to an extent is true. How you described it is definitely what my mum drilled in to me when I was younger and although I can think about it logically now and know it isn't true and I'm not responsible for her, I think it's hard to shift those subconscious thoughts. If she did succeed in committing suicide, I wouldn't feel guilty or responsible as I know living with BPD is incredibly difficult and it was her decision to end it all. I would like to think that I'd done all I could to support her through her difficulties and to bring some positivity to her life. Obviously as her close sister, I would be devastated and feel a huge loss but I wouldn't beat myself up over it. I know that she wouldn't blame me or want me to feel guilty. It would be how my mum felt about the role I'd played beforehand and I think that's probably the real issue and the one I would be worried about dealing with.

My head was a bit of a mess yesterday but I feel much better today and secure knowing that my mum will be with her. I don't have a therapist but I have great people to talk to if I need to. I'm going to stick to routine today as it makes me feel good to have some normality and to help me feel like I have some control over my day. Thanks again

[an0ught]

Hi Blondy90,

My head was a bit of a mess yesterday but I feel much better today and secure knowing that my mum will be with her. I don't have a therapist but I have great people to talk to if I need to.

dealing with suicide attempts close up is horrifying and reacting with anger is normal. It is good to hear that you are better today and you have some people to reach out to. Yesterday was a shock and it will take time to come to terms with it. Be gentle with yourself

[Blondy90]

Thanks so much everyone, it means a lot to speak to people that understand!

My sister seems to be ok today and my mum spent the day with her helping to sort a few things out and she's been on facebook to ask everyone to pray for me and thank me for being there which is really unusual for her and I think me being there for her yesterday to talk to her and buy her some food really meant a lot to her. She saw her psychiatrist today with my mum and my mum seems happy enough to leave her under her care so I'm hoping she'll be able to manage better. Having found out that some of the tablets she bought online have led to people attempting suicide, she has promised never to meddle with them again so I hope she stays true to her word! Taking crazy "research chemicals" is definitely not helpful to her with her problems and we've tried our best to drill that home to her!

Unfortunately it's not the first time I've had to pick up the pieces after a suicide attempt and I don't think it will be the last but I feel happy knowing that I can bring her some positivity.

I spent today at the gym and taking some relax time which has helped me to be focussed again. We will certainly be taking things further with the hospital as their behaviour was completely unacceptable. Although I do understand the issues they face, there was one nurse that seemed to revel in the control she had and who has had other complaints against her due to rough handling an elderly lady and it was her and her son who stood up for my sister, knowing what she was like. I doubt anything will come of it but we wouldn't feel right leaving the situation as it is.

[c2097604]

Are your family aware of the warning signs and myths of suicidal behavior? There is a lot to learn that seems contrary to common sense. Limiting access to her medication with her cooperation might be a good idea. There is a risk of another attempt in the months following even when things seem to have improved.

[Blondy90]

Good luck Googie, I am not very nice to be around either when I'm stressed. Unfortunately it's my boyfriend who bares the brunt of it with me snapping at him and being overly blunt! Try and get some time to yourself if you can or just zone out with some music and whatever else relaxes you. Like you say, we all need to look after ourselves too!

c2097604, when my sister lived with us we could tell straight away when he behaviour was leading to a serious suicide attempt. My mum could tell in an instant when something was wrong and she'd attempted suicide 3 times by the time she was 20. One time, she came downstairs and sat on the sofa and my mum said to her straight away "What have you taken?". I was really shocked because I hadn't picked up on anything and my mum knew. She ended up in an ambulance that night too.

Unfortunately we cannot live with her anymore and as she lives a fair distance away, we don't see her that often (maybe one or two times a month). We certainly know when her behaviour is spiralling and I talk to her frequently so I can pick up on a few warning signs. Usually there will be a period where she becomes quite clingy and needs me to give her advice a lot before she tries it. She usually becomes unusually loving too and I know that something is seriously wrong.

This time I had an idea that it may be on the cards but she acted very differently this time and the night before, she had called me to tell me what a lovely day she’d had and she was really positive.

I don’t think the pills were the only factor involved but they definitely changed her usual pattern of behaviour. She told me that she didn’t intend to commit suicide initially and even she didn’t see the attempt coming as she’d had a really nice couple of days. She took a couple of pills to sleep and then carried on, thinking “it might be nice to die”.

This time we didn’t see it coming like we had been able to before and it was somehow different. Usually it is at a time where her behaviour has become so out of control we are all at our wits end trying to get her help and worrying. She usually becomes very strange in what she is saying and doesn’t make sense and gets very delusional. Her usual trigger behaviour just wasn’t there this time.

I’ll admit the fact I didn’t see it coming did affect me because now I am worried that she’ll try it again and we won’t know. I’ll have to be a bit more vigilant when I talk to her and make sure I get the full picture. Sometimes I think I want to believe she’s on the right track and I don’t take enough time to delve deeper in to how she’s feeling. Mainly because asking those questions leads to her going on a tirade of abuse against whoever is annoying her at the time and it's draining to listen to!

[P.F.Change]

It's good news that the psychiatry appointment went well with your sister and that she is being looked after. I am glad to hear you are doing things to look after yourself during this time, too. It is also good that you are looking at solutions to your frustrations with the nursing staff.

How you described it is definitely what my mum drilled in to me when I was younger and although I can think about it logically now and know it isn't true and I'm not responsible for her, I think it's hard to shift those subconscious thoughts.

You are right, it is easier said than done. Working with a therapist can really help.

Sometimes I think I want to believe she’s on the right track and I don’t take enough time to delve deeper in to how she’s feeling. Mainly because asking those questions leads to her going on a tirade of abuse against whoever is annoying her at the time and it's draining to listen to!

You can ask how she's feeling while still having a boundary that you will not listen to a tirade.    Have you ever used S.E.T. when communicating with your sister?

PF

[Tayto]

In my opinion when a person with diabetes takes to much sugar its going against what is good for them maintaining themselves.

With BPD as most are highly sensitive, extra care is needed in what they intake or they and others will suffer.

[Blondy90]

I agree Tayto, we try and keep a close eye on what she is taking and I often give her advice on staying healthy, although I'm not sure how much of it she takes on board!

I do use SET when talking to my sister and have set boundaries. For example, she has a massive issue with my step dad and sometimes goes on rants about his 'abuse'. Last time she did it, I explained calmly that I wouldn't listen to her when she was being vile and to talk to me when she was in a better state. I hung up the phone and she spoke to me the next day to apologise and have a more focussed conversation. She doesn't try and bad mouth him to me anymore as she knows what will happen and that I won't listen to it.

Sometimes she gets really nasty about people and I have to tell her not to be so vindictive. I'm not scared to confront her if she gets over the top with her critique of others. Most of the time I steer the conversation towards something more positive and try to make her see things from other's points of view. She doesn't always listen but she does praise me constantly for making her less judgemental!

I spoke to her yesterday and she's now found a new house to live in and is much happier. I text her a lot just saying 'how are you feeling' so I can open up a line of communication for her to talk to if she needs to.