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Author Topic: I caved on NC. Sent her an email at 4am.  (Read 3483 times)
Changingman
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« Reply #30 on: January 28, 2014, 12:36:58 PM »

Changingman,

    Mine dumped me for her ex who she called her "Best Friend". When she came back a month later-to me she kept saying "I lost my best friend". I stupidly thought she meant ME and leaving me. Of course not!

When she dumped me this time it was to see "other people" we were "too different".

I knew there was someone she was interested in banging (to put it bluntly) but it never grew into anything more substantial. While she is dumping me she is telling me, no, no this is good we are going to be best friends. I love you very, very much and will always be there for you.

Really? Yeah I see what she does to best friends. She has lost so much "supply" it's crazy.

Pretty woman,

I would consider their lack of knowledge about friendship an boundaries a disorder in itself. But it's telling that they cannot comprehend what the f*** is happening. They cannot love, cannot feel anything but their own shi**y emotions. Believe their own cr-p too. Betrayal? Don't know what you mean, you betray me I CANT HANDLE IT
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« Reply #31 on: January 28, 2014, 12:40:40 PM »

They thrive on drama. Do nothing. GO NC and stay there. I had to hear my ex's voice today ad it ruined my day. Read the post from Changingman yesterday that you printed.

It's hard, man. I'm in the same boat and I hate this. There is nothing I wouldn't give to get a nice call like we once had during our work days Or the sweet texts. I will never understand how two people that were so close got to this place.
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« Reply #32 on: January 28, 2014, 12:42:58 PM »

oh FVck, now Im in the middle of it.

Phone calls and emails back and forth. She's livid w me bc I told the guy she was talking to stay away from her, and why. and of course I get the hangups.

Reminds me of the countless times I went through that. Trying to prove something to each other when we really needed to be proving something to ourselves. Which was self respect. It wasn't until I stopped playing that back and forth push/pull game that I started to find myself again. Stay NC, Jayhawk. Look at how this contact is affecting you. Look at what you're really looking for by interacting with her, and see if you can find it in yourself. It's there. It's covered up in chaos you can put an end to.
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joethemechanic
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« Reply #33 on: January 28, 2014, 12:48:07 PM »

oh FVck, now Im in the middle of it.

Phone calls and emails back and forth. She's livid w me bc I told the guy she was talking to stay away from her, and why. and of course I get the hangups.

Don't stop now, you are probably only hours away from having really, really, really  hot sex with her  .


Damn the  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post) full speed ahead.
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« Reply #34 on: January 28, 2014, 12:48:27 PM »

Jayhawk,

If you truly are ready for the drama to stop, the ball is literally in your court.

You opened the door to the dysfunctional dance and you are the one who can close it.  Own your part, apologize for opening the door and simply say this conversation is going in a circle and it is not good for either of us - I am going to stop my part of it now.

OR

Continue along the path until the pain catches up and she ends contact, you feel dejected, hurt confused, etc.

It really is the dynamic replaying over and over - you know what they say about the definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Nobody here says this stuff lightly, we have ALL been where you are and we all have the scars and bruises to prove it... . be kind to you right now, let go.

Peace,

SB
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« Reply #35 on: January 28, 2014, 12:50:20 PM »

oh FVck, now Im in the middle of it.

Phone calls and emails back and forth. She's livid w me bc I told the guy she was talking to stay away from her, and why. and of course I get the hangups.

Reminds me of the countless times I went through that. Trying to prove something to each other when we really needed to be proving something to ourselves. Which was self respect. It wasn't until I stopped playing that back and forth push/pull game that I started to find myself again. Stay NC, Jayhawk. Look at how this contact is affecting you. Look at what you're really looking for by interacting with her, and see if you can find it in yourself. It's there. It's covered up in chaos you can put an end to.

Myself, thank you for that reminder of my last and final e-mail at the start of MY hard core NC, which was short and sweet and ended with, ":)o not contact me again. The future is certain. I respect myself enough not to watch".
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« Reply #36 on: January 28, 2014, 12:54:07 PM »

oh FVck, now Im in the middle of it.

Phone calls and emails back and forth. She's livid w me bc I told the guy she was talking to stay away from her, and why. and of course I get the hangups.

Don't stop now, you are probably only hours away from having really, really, really  hot sex with her  .


Damn the  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post) full speed ahead.

LOL... . that's a FACT! The crazy drama ship is loading passengers as we speak. DING DING! ALL ABOARD!
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Changingman
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« Reply #37 on: January 28, 2014, 01:00:29 PM »

During my angrier stage of healing I as a mad man went through ALL my possessions searching for and locating anything that she had touched, owned, or left behind in my realm. I mean virtually anything and everything. If she had bought that can of soup it went into the pile. If she had used that hair brush it went into the pile. She even wrote in soap on my bathroom mirror "I   U", which came down and went into the pile. Every photograph, letter, notepad ect. ect that was burnable went to the burn pile. If it was not combustion able it was deleted or went directly into the weekly trash. On the self appointed night I had a little ceremony and poured gasoline on that pile and gave it the match. I remember watching that beautiful smile crinkle and brown and burst into flame and disappear into the black smoke and ash that embodied the hurt and destruction of our mutual past.

And you know what? It felt good. It was liberating and empowering to take control and to act out my emotions on my terms in my solitude. The act was very personal. It was time to jettison the photographs that perpetuated my false belief in the "if only" magical thinking that had become only childish instruments of self torture and to finally put them where they belonged. No amount of rationalizing can possibly justify this self torture of keeping reminders of what never was and can never be in the forefront of our consciousness.  Jayhawk ... . perhaps it is time to work out your feelings and emotions on YOUR terms and leave her reactions and responses where they belong... . in her own trash pile.

Yes Shadow,

Love this I might do the letter to her and burn it.

Mine spent so long getting her stuff back, I black bagged it and throw it in the garden, whenever I had a revelation of what she'd do I'd stop myself hunting herandhim down by urinating into the bags, finally after realising she cared more about some nothing at her work ( after me having to put one of our dogs down ) and how she just wanted some sympathy. I went through and shredded everything including her so important kitchen knives. When I arranged for her friend to pick it up, it all fit into a car boot, and stank. I'm not proud of myself, but she seemed so detached from the reality of it all.

Oh and I ... . Never mind maybe I'll tell another time
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« Reply #38 on: January 28, 2014, 01:04:40 PM »

During my angrier stage of healing I as a mad man went through ALL my possessions searching for and locating anything that she had touched, owned, or left behind in my realm. I mean virtually anything and everything. If she had bought that can of soup it went into the pile. If she had used that hair brush it went into the pile. She even wrote in soap on my bathroom mirror "I   U", which came down and went into the pile. Every photograph, letter, notepad ect. ect that was burnable went to the burn pile. If it was not combustion able it was deleted or went directly into the weekly trash. On the self appointed night I had a little ceremony and poured gasoline on that pile and gave it the match. I remember watching that beautiful smile crinkle and brown and burst into flame and disappear into the black smoke and ash that embodied the hurt and destruction of our mutual past.

And you know what? It felt good. It was liberating and empowering to take control and to act out my emotions on my terms in my solitude. The act was very personal. It was time to jettison the photographs that perpetuated my false belief in the "if only" magical thinking that had become only childish instruments of self torture and to finally put them where they belonged. No amount of rationalizing can possibly justify this self torture of keeping reminders of what never was and can never be in the forefront of our consciousness.  Jayhawk ... . perhaps it is time to work out your feelings and emotions on YOUR terms and leave her reactions and responses where they belong... . in her own trash pile.

Yes Shadow,

Love this I might do the letter to her and burn it.

Mine spent so long getting her stuff back, I black bagged it and throw it in the garden, whenever I had a revelation of what she'd do I'd stop myself hunting herandhim down by urinating into the bags, finally after realising she cared more about some nothing at her work ( after me having to put one of our dogs down ) and how she just wanted some sympathy. I went through and shredded everything including her so important kitchen knives. When I arranged for her friend to pick it up, it all fit into a car boot, and stank. I'm not proud of myself, but she seemed so detached from the reality of it all.

Oh and I ... . Never mind maybe I'll tell another time

LOL... . oh my... . LOL... . well done! Myself?... . I'm very proud of you!
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« Reply #39 on: January 28, 2014, 01:06:48 PM »

Changing man!  I love it, thanks for sharing.  I have been in a bleak place all day and you just made me laugh out loud... .    Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

As far as the crazy train boarding... . I am very close to buying my ticket lately and I am not sure why.  But, Jay, hang on... . I need to pack an overnight bag and then save this crazy bhit a seat! 
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« Reply #40 on: January 28, 2014, 01:19:52 PM »

As far as the crazy train boarding... . I am very close to buying my ticket lately and I am not sure why.  But, Jay, hang on... . I need to pack an overnight bag and then save this crazy bhit a seat!  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqk6-N8bMjo
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Jayhawk21
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« Reply #41 on: January 28, 2014, 01:21:38 PM »

oh FVck, now Im in the middle of it.

Phone calls and emails back and forth. She's livid w me bc I told the guy she was talking to stay away from her, and why. and of course I get the hangups.

Don't stop now, you are probably only hours away from having really, really, really  hot sex with her  .


Damn the  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post) full speed ahead.

LOL... . that's a FACT! The crazy drama ship is loading passengers as we speak. DING DING! ALL ABOARD!

That is most likey a true story, the sex with her is untoppable! 

What am I getting myself into? :/
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growing_wings
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« Reply #42 on: January 28, 2014, 01:33:14 PM »

oh FVck, now Im in the middle of it.

Phone calls and emails back and forth. She's livid w me bc I told the guy she was talking to stay away from her, and why. and of course I get the hangups.

Don't stop now, you are probably only hours away from having really, really, really  hot sex with her  .


Damn the  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post) full speed ahead.

LOL... . that's a FACT! The crazy drama ship is loading passengers as we speak. DING DING! ALL ABOARD!

That is most likey a true story, the sex with her is untoppable! 

What am I getting myself into? :/

Jay, print this thread. keep it. if you continue the dance, and if you end up hurt again, at least you can go back and learn from it.

you are getting yourself into moore drama and more pain, and you know that.

we are addicted to drama too. (i am anyway and working at it)... .
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« Reply #43 on: January 28, 2014, 03:01:53 PM »

  DAMN JOE, thats too funny!

  JAY,... . STOP!  PUT THE PHONE DOWN AND  S L O W L Y  BACK AWAY!   Or take Joes advise, it always was incredible with me and baby,... and then boot her butt out real quick, and do the NC thing  haha,   NO, just kidding, you'll go back to square one, you know that, we all did... . sorry shes being so BPD to you with the emails.  But leave the replacement alone, hes probably gonna wind up here with the rest of us before too long... .

 


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Jayhawk21
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« Reply #44 on: January 29, 2014, 05:04:04 AM »

Good morning all. I'm guessing my dissappearance has sparked some wonder?
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« Reply #45 on: January 29, 2014, 07:41:57 AM »

I have been only reading so far, but yes. What happened?

As for contact with the ex: mine is not abusive and has never been. I just ever so often get an email that really did not have to be sent (random questions about Tv shows, what the heck?) and it always leaves me wondering what this is all about. He was the one who dumped me TWICE, what is the point to chit-chatting about nothing? I know what the point is to me: HOPE! STUPID POINTLESS HOPE! Grrrr…. (sorry, bad day)
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« Reply #46 on: January 29, 2014, 08:07:23 AM »

Tell us what is going on!
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« Reply #47 on: January 29, 2014, 09:06:20 AM »

Jay,

  Friendly word: Stay out of it. NEVER get involved with their new relationship. Let it run it's course.

Remember when you first fell for her? If anyone had told you she was nuts you would have protected and defended her.  You need to remember she has most likely devalued you to her shiny, new "rescuer". So you probably look as crazy as she has painted you to him.

Back off and seriously let it run it's course. You are not with her anymore. You are luckier than you know.
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« Reply #48 on: January 29, 2014, 09:19:52 AM »

Listen to Pretty Woman,

I remember when I first got involved with my exgf. She devalued her past bf's. She is likely doing the same to you right now. Don't add to it. Your best revenge, if you want revenge, is to be silent... . they can't stand that.

You responding, or interacting in any fashion, shows her that you still care and you are still there... . that she is still in your head... . That empowers her, gives her control... .
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« Reply #49 on: January 29, 2014, 09:48:57 AM »

That is most likey a true story, the sex with her is untoppable! 

I used to think the same thing, but this is rubbish.  You're molding a fantasy in your mind into what you think is reality.  They are not the same thing.  Choose wisely.
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TheRoadtoNowhere
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« Reply #50 on: January 29, 2014, 10:16:30 AM »

  Good morning JAY,  I hope todays going a little better for you brother,  I know yesterday was a tough one.  It always seems as though we take one step forward and get smacked 2-3 steps back, (most of the time by our own doing).  Ive thought alot about your situation and Ive done alot of soul searching and I honestly do not think I could say no if baby called me right now and said "I need you, or I want to come back".  I just dont think Im strong enough yet... .   My greatest fear is that Ill never hear from her again, my second biggest fear is that I will, so my heart really goes out to you!

 Tabular, my BPDexgf was never physically abusive, nor was she prone to fits of rage like some here have posted, she was however verbally abusive, in a calm, "let me slowly push the knife in and twist sorta way",  she would just get real quiet and "sink deep inside herself".  she usually kept things inside her no matter how hard I tried to get her to share her feelings with and she never liked to scream and argue, but you could always tell when things were "building up" over a period of days or weeks.  She left me so many times and ran back to her estranged husband, Ive heard alot of people say that BPD's recycle thru all there past SO's, she would go back and forth between me and her EH, but as far as going back to the other SO's, she didnt ever do that in the 15months that I knew her. She has children from two previous husbands and does see and speak to them on occasion.  Maybe thats why she never recycled back to them, because on some level, she knows that she will always have some type of contact with them.  

 Can anyone explain to me why all of this BPD/bipolar mania, just happened to come out of nowhere.  Ive read so many posts from folks saying there were  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)'s leading up to them flippin out, but from Oct. 2012-Aug.2013, everything was fine, no fights, no arguments, no recycling back and forth.  But two weeks after I moved in with her and the children, she left me and went back to Memphis to her estranged husband .  She was there for about two weeks and called and told me she was packing her stuff and coming back home to Knoxville, her EH must have found out and had her committed to a mental facility for 6 days. She was never the same after that, she said that while she was in the hosp. They did some type of hypnosis on her to help bring out past traumas, I think that just let the genie out of the bottle.  Her therapist told her and I that that type of "treatment" is a gradual process over time, the hosp. only did that one time without any type of follow up and that they shouldnt have done that.

 Course, they also diagnosed her with bipolar II and PTSD, but not BPD.  I think that was their first mistake and it was further compounded by that hypnosis.  Can BPD/biPD just come out of the blue like that after many many years, with virtually NO SIGN of it up to that point. Because I was with her every day and most nights, hell we practically lived together and until she flipped out and went back to Memphis in Aug.2013, there were no signs or problems AT ALL, IT WAS ALMOST PERFECT... .  ANY ADVISE OR FEED BACK WOULD BE WELCOMED... .

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seeking balance
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« Reply #51 on: January 29, 2014, 10:20:02 AM »

Good morning all. I'm guessing my dissappearance has sparked some wonder?

Many people go back and forth, disappear for a bit - par for the course on the boards.

How are you feeling today Jay?
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« Reply #52 on: January 29, 2014, 10:43:26 AM »

Wow, it is hard to fathom that she believes the projection that she is throwing at you.  Who needs that?  When you are ready you go and find yourself a good woman, one that loves and gives and shares. 
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« Reply #53 on: January 29, 2014, 10:52:55 AM »

Well,

First thing is first:

I realized throughout this, as I have had time to think, I need help rather trying to focus my attention on getting her help.

I have co-dependency issues, Big time. They haven't changed me, I have pushed them down for many years, and I am full. Wounded people seek out wounded people and that's what I did.

I have authority/defiance issues.

I have Anger problems, including when I get jealous I am out of my mind. I make bad decisions when I am angry, and that's MY choice. I have done some really nasty, mean things in 3 years and I can't blame it all on her anymore. I have been violent, said vile things, I have done things that no one should do to another, it becomes a battle of one ups, and at some point, I need the tools to change that about myself. There can't be a fight if only one fights. I have to not only own it but change it.

As far as she goes: Ill try to go chronologically: yes she went on a lunch date, the guy wasn't what she thought he was, dresses poorly for first impression, a dullard, and, tried to push her into him coming over to her house immediately. She did kiss him,(told me she sent the email expecting me to respond) however she said nothing was there. After they split after the date, he insisted to start sex talk, and even sent a d!ck shot. Not only was she immediately put back, but when she didn't respond, he got pissy and stopped calling. He was only trying to score, and wasn't very good at it.

Her and I had a serious heart to heart last night. First time in probably a year. I took responsibilty for some serious things including my violence. I on my own have made my decision to get help. She took a lot of responsibilty for things she's done. also conceded she needs help, especially for not being able to control her emotions, and her black and white thinking. We came up with emergency plan for both of us as well to remove ourselves when the other is heated.

This is a scary time for me. Admitting you need help is hard. Facing my insecurities is scary. We have decided to proceed with caution. And recommit to communicating. We have agreed that we love each other, therefore,we have to stop hurting each other. We have also agreed that we are BOTH getting off this roller coaster.

That is where things are at, so, I guess I am changing forums. . I know this is seen constantly on the message board, but I feel like I need to try.
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« Reply #54 on: January 29, 2014, 11:00:32 AM »

That is where things are at, so, I guess I am changing forums. . I know this is seen constantly on the message board, but I feel like I need to try.

There is nothing wrong with going to the staying board - commit to it; learn the lessons, practice... . the people over there can really help you with boundaries and communication.  Truly understand it takes some time to change for you both - that is ok.

High Conflict Couple - DBT skills for couples - seems like you both might get some good info from this.

youtube - Tami Green - good stuff for you to see what BPD looks like from a recovered pwBPD.

Take care and be good to you!

SB
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« Reply #55 on: January 29, 2014, 11:03:26 AM »

That is where things are at, so, I guess I am changing forums. . I know this is seen constantly on the message board, but I feel like I need to try.

High Conflict Couple - DBT skills for couples - seems like you both might get some good info from this.


SB

I am reading that book as we speak!
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« Reply #56 on: January 29, 2014, 11:29:23 AM »

Full speed ahead!
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« Reply #57 on: January 29, 2014, 01:13:03 PM »

It's hard, man. I'm in the same boat and I hate this. There is nothing I wouldn't give to get a nice call like we once had during our work days Or the sweet texts. I will never understand how two people that were so close got to this place.

This says it all for me  :'(
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« Reply #58 on: January 29, 2014, 04:14:50 PM »

  JAY,... .   you are the man!  and it takes a man to admit his faults, Im proud of you for that!  I too have several of those exact same issues and Im seeing a T, I hope things will all work out.  I too was "low hanging fruit" for my BPD, and it was probably due to my co-dependence from my childhood.  I entered into a broken r/s, because I was broken myself and didnt have the emotional strength to fight it, even when she kept leaving me time and again,... .   I HAD NO BOUNDARIES and I fell for all of her games and manipulation ... .

  On the flip side, Im really happy that you guys are communicating again, admitting she needs help is a great first step. I truly hope everything works out for you guys,... . Maybe theres hope for me and my baby yet!

  However, do not forget those emails JAY, make her earn it!
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« Reply #59 on: January 29, 2014, 06:28:00 PM »

Full speed ahead!

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