Teenagers

[bpbreakout]

BPDw and d14 had a fight over the holidays over whether BPDw could use d14's camera. The two of them are always fighting and BPDw has always picked on d14 so a lot of sympathy on my part. Things were already tense that day and d14 wanted BPDw to wait 10 mins while she went to get changed before showing BPDw something on the camera but BPDw went ahead while daughter was changing and started using it anyway. D14 wasn't happy and BPDw started badgering D14 & calling her selfish and eventually D14 snapped and told mum to **** off. BPDw started on me after that and I also snapped and told BPDw to sort it out herself as I'm sick of being stuck in the middle of the two of them. BPDw confiscated the camera for 24 hrs and then gave it back 12 hours early. In the meantime I spoke to d14 and told her I agreed the camera should be confistcated for the swearing and also agreed that a lot of the personal stuff Mum came out with was unfair and that d14 was within her rights to say who could use the camera.

FF 2 weeks later and BPDw has sent me an email with a list of rules for behaviour in our household including a $30 fine for swearing. In the accompanying email BPDw says she is "under no obligations to discuss any exchanges" between her and the children. The justification is the "camera" incident as she doesn't get any support from me and a view that D14 is distorts things and makes things up. There was an incident yesterday where d14 has told me in confidence that BPDw pushed her over and D14 also told me she swore at BPDw again. BPDw has refused to say anything to me about this incident but has told me something took place.

I'm very interested in any feedback on this, I'm struggling to see how I can enter into any kind of discussion on this set of "rules" because it's accompanied by comments about how BPDw has the right to keep these abusive incidents from me, to be honest the more I think about it the more I feel like I should tell BPDw to go and take a running jump. Everyone says pick your fights, I'm thinking any kind of tacit acknowlegment from me that these situations can be kept secret is totally unacceptable though obviously  . (FYI there is a history of sexual abuse in BPDw's familiy of origin so whilts I'm not saying anything happening with our children the secrecy aspect disturbs me ). Any advice on handling this much needed

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