I'm struggling..and don't know why

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I ex was borderline no doubt. In fact I have not read of anyone more borderline or even close. I would not wish the nightmare I'm living on anyone. She is evil and mean and has no remorse for the extreme damage she has caused in my life. I'n fact, I think she may be laughing about it.

So why am I grieving so bad. It left my life financially devastated and in every other way as well. She was mean and abusive. Her pathology and dark side are scary. She once told me "come back for more, It'll be real fun this time"... she had a demonic look in her eyes when she said that but it wasn't even during a fight. I walked on eggshells never knowing who I would get from day to day. Her games and manipulations were brilliant and I was the biggest fool ever. We were married for far less than a year and she discarded me on  dime.

I adored her and always believed that behind all this craziness and drug and alcohol sickness there was the angel that I so loved.

Maybe I'm just bored because I'm so alone now. Being in her life was something. I have no life now and it's as if she carried on and never missed a beat while I'm left to pick up the pieces. That she is rebounding and forgotten about me kills me. I've been NC for a while now. I'm just tired of being depressed and misserable and she is all I ever think about.

[buddy1226]

I ex was borderline no doubt. In fact I have not read of anyone more borderline or even close. I would not wish the nightmare I'm living on anyone. She is evil and mean and has no remorse for the extreme damage she has caused in my life. I'n fact, I think she may be laughing about it.

So why am I grieving so bad. It left my life financially devastated and in every other way as well. She was mean and abusive. Her pathology and dark side are scary. She once told me "come back for more, It'll be real fun this time"... she had a demonic look in her eyes when she said that but it wasn't even during a fight. I walked on eggshells never knowing who I would get from day to day. Her games and manipulations were brilliant and I was the biggest fool ever. We were married for far less than a year and she discarded me on  dime.

I adored her and always believed that behind all this craziness and drug and alcohol sickness there was the angel that I so loved.

Maybe I'm just bored because I'm so alone now. Being in her life was something. I have no life now and it's as if she carried on and never missed a beat while I'm left to pick up the pieces. That she is rebounding and forgotten about me kills me. I've been NC for a while now. I'm just tired of being depressed and misserable and she is all I ever think about.

[irishmarmot]

Buddy you are right where you are supposed to be.  Feel the way you feel things will get better.   Everyone one here understands how you're feeling so keep posting and take some of the suggestions.   Rumination is common actually inevitable.   You are responsible for your own happiness.   So keep going you will be feeling better in the future.

[santa]

You're not alone, buddy. Believe me. I have felt a lot of those very same things. I have had so much frustration over this. It's really put me through hell. My ex left 6 months ago and I've really struggled.

All I can tell you is that, as much as it sucks right now, this is all for the best. I honestly believe that. There's no way that staying with that person would have turned out well. It just can't because they are mentally disturbed. So, all we can do is try to pull ourselves together and move forward. Just trust that the BPD relationship was doomed from the start and that we did the best we could. BPD people are dangerous and destructive and it is in our best interest to be away from them.

That person would have destroyed you if you'd let them. You survived. They're some other person's problem now. You've got plenty of good ahead of you. Take care of yourself and focus on finding happiness in your own life.