Totally drained

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My uBPDw tells me, almost daily, they she felt I have not been supportive and not able to comfort her, and this leads to her throwing her rage at me and me reacting to it more recently. I'm not capable of the SET or JADE techniques at this point. The fact is that I have been going through bad patches at work and it's has taken a toll emotionally and physically. I have told her this, obviously she has no empathy. Distressed and burned out, what should I do? Thanks.

[LifeIsBeautiful]

My uBPDw tells me, almost daily, they she felt I have not been supportive and not able to comfort her, and this leads to her throwing her rage at me and me reacting to it more recently. I'm not capable of the SET or JADE techniques at this point. The fact is that I have been going through bad patches at work and it's has taken a toll emotionally and physically. I have told her this, obviously she has no empathy. Distressed and burned out, what should I do? Thanks.

[maxsterling]

Yep. that's for sure draining.  It's one of the issues I face.  We all need time to ourselves, but to pwBPD, us taking time for ourselves to deal with our own issues means they feel abandoned, and react accordingly.  I can't really offer what to do, because I'm not dealing with this well myself.  But, I can tell you what I think I need to do - and that is be assertive and truthful and let her deal with her own abandonment feelings.

"Honey, I like spending time with you, and I am flattered that you always want to spend time with me.  But right now I have issues that I need to work on by myself, and I will be available later and we can watch a movie together. 

If she decides to take that the wrong way, that's her issue. 

[rj47]

Max is right... . anything you do for yourself is likely be twisted into deception and uncaring disregard for her needs. You will no longer love her in your narcissistic quest to focus on your needs and advancing your professional interests.

I find that spending quality time on this forum helps me to recharge (even in the midst of raging directed at me). The simple revelation that I was not alone was a huge relief. Interaction with real people with a shared background can be transforming in small but important ways. No one that has not experienced life with the classic BPD personality can understand it very well... . no one. And, if they get it they are often left wondering if your the one with a PD for sticking around. Stay engaged if you can. God Bless.