Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
July 11, 2025, 02:35:29 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Totally drained  (Read 476 times)
LifeIsBeautiful
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 107



« on: January 29, 2014, 08:36:44 PM »

My uBPDw tells me, almost daily, they she felt I have not been supportive and not able to comfort her, and this leads to her throwing her rage at me and me reacting to it more recently. I'm not capable of the SET or JADE techniques at this point. The fact is that I have been going through bad patches at work and it's has taken a toll emotionally and physically. I have told her this, obviously she has no empathy. Distressed and burned out, what should I do? Thanks.
Logged
maxsterling
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: living together, engaged
Posts: 2780



« Reply #1 on: January 30, 2014, 11:14:17 AM »

Yep. that's for sure draining.  It's one of the issues I face.  We all need time to ourselves, but to pwBPD, us taking time for ourselves to deal with our own issues means they feel abandoned, and react accordingly.  I can't really offer what to do, because I'm not dealing with this well myself.  But, I can tell you what I think I need to do - and that is be assertive and truthful and let her deal with her own abandonment feelings.

"Honey, I like spending time with you, and I am flattered that you always want to spend time with me.  But right now I have issues that I need to work on by myself, and I will be available later and we can watch a movie together. 

If she decides to take that the wrong way, that's her issue. 

Logged

rj47
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced after 30 years. Still care, but moved on.
Posts: 198



« Reply #2 on: January 30, 2014, 03:19:04 PM »

Max is right... . anything you do for yourself is likely be twisted into deception and uncaring disregard for her needs. You will no longer love her in your narcissistic quest to focus on your needs and advancing your professional interests.

I find that spending quality time on this forum helps me to recharge (even in the midst of raging directed at me). The simple revelation that I was not alone was a huge relief. Interaction with real people with a shared background can be transforming in small but important ways. No one that has not experienced life with the classic BPD personality can understand it very well... . no one. And, if they get it they are often left wondering if your the one with a PD for sticking around. Stay engaged if you can. God Bless.

Logged

"It's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain."
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!