Guess who just called

[buddy1226]

For those that have been following my drama I have been NC from my swtbBPDex for months. We have a legal situation pending (she trumped up false CDV charges). I honestly didn't think she would break NC. She was drunk qnd crying and said she just wanted to hear my voice. The call was 1 minute and 41 seconds before she hung up. What a mind F***!

And as ost of you can relate, it was a relief and felt good that she reached out. I honestly don't know how to feel. I feel sorry for her but she has completely wrecked my life.

Your thoughts?

[buddy1226]

And she just called again to tell me she still loves me...

[that1guy]

That sounds so very similar to what happened to me.

It is a mind F**k. And it was most likely done on purpose.

It's her way of keeping you off balance. Of making you think there might be a way back. If yours' is like mine, she likes to feel in control of everything in her world. And that includes you.

[santa]

I know it probably feels good, buddy. I'd probably like a call like that from my ex.

I don't think you should bite though. She's going to have mixed emotions about the call since she was drunk and it could possibly blow up in your face. I think it should give you satisfaction that it happened. There's nowhere to go but down from here though. Just enjoy that it happened and keep doing what you've been doing.

[Murbay]

buddy1226,

I feel for you, I really do. It can't have been easy for you to go through that and it seems to have caught you completely off guard. A great piece of advice my T gave me is that when this situation arises, remember how you felt right at the very end of the relationship. Those feelings and emotions you had, they were all real and they were yours. Then ask yourself how far you have come since then and whether you want to go back to those feelings.

My ex too went to the extremes, false charges of stalking even though I was several thousand miles away and she even sunk as low as trying to file charges against abuse towards the children in case I ever tried to take them away from her. She had no thought of how it might impact other peoples lives or what it might do to the kids, she did it purely out of selfish reasons. Nobody took her seriously, so she even contacted my T to ask him if he could write a letter to say I was dangerous just to improve her chances. He refused and he was the one who went out of his way to protect me.

I recall him saying during one of our sessions afterwards "What are you going to do and how are you going to react when she contacts you again?" I thought he might have been drinking. I never in a million years expected her to ever contact me again and yet every 3 weeks I get emails, attempted phonecalls, even game requests. Anything to reach out and contact me.

What your ex has done, it's out of selfish reasons. After all she did to you, she is expecting you to be a vessel for her feelings and emotions. Where was she when you were suffering? Who was the person who caused that suffering?

Here's the thing, I have love my exBPDw, I do feel sorry for her because it wasn't an illness she asked for but the fact is, that is who she is. But I choose to do that from afar and miss the very few good and happy times we did share. I have grieved for her and only wish for her to find peace and happiness but I won't ever hand over the control of me back to her again.

You can still love your ex, you can still feel sorry for her and you can still miss her but if you open that door, it won't just be the good things that come back, it will be the pain and hurt that come back too.

PwBPD aren't able to see both sides, you are either good or bad. It's nice when the good appears but don't fool yourself into thinking things have changed. As quick as that appears you could be back to black and the pain begins again. We have the ability to see things as complete picture so even though it feels good that she has been in contact, she is still both sides of what you have been through  

[irishmarmot]

Buddy, if she filed false charges against you she will do it again.   I have my 2nd RO against me in the last 2 months.   I left myself open for that because I broke NC.  Someone who will do such a thing still has me baffled.   It's best to move on.  I am beginning to feel better and I don't have the anxiety that I used to have when I was with her.  The FOG is beginning to lift and I am finally seeing her for who she is.

[buddy1226]

It was weird as hell. I allowed her to come to my place. She talked about some new guy she has been hanging out with. we never talked like that to each other.She kept saying how guilty she felt being there. We had sex and she says she ha not had sex with this guy yet. She was subtly rubbing him in my face. I honestly am not even sure there is another guy and if so not to the degree she is talking. It's left me a little frustrated... Not sure what to do. Atually I know what I need to do but not sure I will. This was big relief to the pain

[CoasterRider]

Their mind F*ckary knows no limits, just remember that, any dirty trick to get their way.

[Pretty Woman]

Coaster Rider is right. Give them an inch and they will take a mile. Hang in there. Mine showed up on my doorstep last night after a barrage of emails.

We can do this.

[buddy1226]

It was weird. We talked and hung out in bed but then she kept talking about how she felt guilty because of this new guy she's been hanging with. She was not specific on anything, just that they spend a lot of time together. She spends nights there and whatnot. It hurt to hear this and she knew that. I have to believe that was the point. I have my serious doubts that this dude exists. Why would she be calling me professing her love if she has moved on to a new relationship that she is excited about? Do you think for a second that I would be calling or even thing of her if I met someone? HELL NO!...

Nothing made any sense and most of it was to provoke me. She is a train wreck. She has gone downhill big time since we separated a few months ago. No reason whatsoever. She also tried to turn everything she did on to me which is really unbelievable.

The initial call was her crying and missing me but when she got here she didn't have a nice wort to say all night. It's like she blames me for her loving me and is resentful about it. Nothing made any sense.

It was good to see that the wheels are falling off the wagon. She will probably go AWOL now since she gave me something to chew on. I'm ok actually. She isn't at all the same person I fell for. I don't wantthis person in my life at all. She even looked different. Had a hard look to her. Not the sweet angel I used to adore.

[santa]

It was weird. We talked and hung out in bed but then she kept talking about how she felt guilty because of this new guy she's been hanging with. She was not specific on anything, just that they spend a lot of time together. She spends nights there and whatnot. It hurt to hear this and she knew that. I have to believe that was the point. I have my serious doubts that this dude exists. Why would she be calling me professing her love if she has moved on to a new relationship that she is excited about? Do you think for a second that I would be calling or even thing of her if I met someone? HELL NO!...

Nothing made any sense and most of it was to provoke me. She is a train wreck. She has gone downhill big time since we separated a few months ago. No reason whatsoever. She also tried to turn everything she did on to me which is really unbelievable.

The initial call was her crying and missing me but when she got here she didn't have a nice wort to say all night. It's like she blames me for her loving me and is resentful about it. Nothing made any sense.

It was good to see that the wheels are falling off the wagon. She will probably go AWOL now since she gave me something to chew on. I'm ok actually. She isn't at all the same person I fell for. I don't wantthis person in my life at all. She even looked different. Had a hard look to her. Not the sweet angel I used to adore.

Who knows why they do anything? They're just crazy. If I had to guess, she was just trying to ruin your day.

[In_n_Out]

Mine is and was seeing my replacement when she came back around Christmas time.  We would meet and talk and she would start crying, professing her love one minute and then the next saying how "this isn't fair to him (replacement)" and that she shouldn't be seeing me.  Then more about how she misses x, y and z about us, how I will always be in her heart and then it would shift to how I had hurt her with things that I said and then she would say that "he treats me nice" (replacement).  It's like I could see the wheels spinning in her head as her thoughts jumped around and around but never settling on one thing; especially the one thing that I was hoping for (at the time) - just US.  

I wouldn't be so convinced that she's not seeing/sleeping with somebody else.  She's just keeping you on that leash just in case and I think that they probably think that if you know about the replacement now, it will make it easier to recycle with you later because you know that you'll forgive her for it, especially since she's been so "up front and honest" with you.  

[buddy1226]

It was either just to hurt me or a weak moment.The next day she turned back into the witch and told me not to call her. I'm a damn fool for wanting too. She's nowhere near the same person I loved. She's gone. I ot some closure and satisfaction. I have to go NC gain now.

[irishmarmot]

Hi buddy last time I saw my ex she go an RO against me.  My ex too looked different she looked like she was worn out.  She looked old, well she is middle age but a lot of her spirit was gone. 

[Happy1]

buddy1226

It's definitely a lame recycle attempt. However, what more than likely happening on her end is, is she's sitting alone and in her head about how terrible she is, how lonely and abandoned she is (mostly imagined), thinking poorly of herself, then wanting relief (you) to come and take her out of this state by telling her that you love her and want to be with her, yada, yada, yada. That's what's really happening.

This alone time that she's in where she's in her own head about all of this could be at her home or even in her car, but likely when she's not around anyone else or hang just been with someone else (another suitor, maybe a girlfriend, etc.) and thinking about how she's got this "empty period" on her full schedule of events and people to see. To her, she's got to keep that narcissistic supply cultivated so, she just trying to make sure still "on the line" so to speak for when SHE needs you.

It's about being an object of narc. supply so, that they don't have to feel the bad stuff in their lives (real or imagined) and most of all the sense of being abandoned.

Stay NC for you so, that you can clear your mind and begin anew.

[buddy1226]

Exactly Irish! It's as her spirit is gone. I told her her light was not shining. She says we cannot be together but was crying her eyes out the first night. Of course I ws a smitten little b!tch... Told her I loved her and missed her etc... After al this tough talk I've been doing on here I caved as soon as she came calling. It's no secret how I've been grieving my heart out. She laughted when I told her that I knew about her screwing the guy I waw her car at his house. What the hell could be funny about that?... She didn't have a nice thing to say once the crying stopped. In fact she's been mean. Even told me about how their sex was. I did ask though. I've never been this big of a P***Y... SHe is a complete downgrade to me.

NC is very hard now because she kept talking about this guy she's been hanging out with that she's excited about. when I read posts like this on here I often think they are young kids playing games. She is 34 and I'm 42. I'm wondering now if this guy is even real.

She was pathetic the first night. Wrecked her car, was hammered drunk nd out of her adderall she gets emotional when she runs out. She was eating Klonopin as usual...

Radical aceptnce I guess. It's hard to Believe this is the same person. She's talking about these new friends she has (always referring to them as men). It's almost hard to believe because she had no friends. She has a new life and says she doesn't miss me now, two days after crying her eyes out sayihg she loved me and missed me.

Even with radical acceptance this is damn hard to take.

Help me out. I need it!

[Changingman]

What is happening here?

She owns you again like an object?

[Changingman]

Choice

[buddy1226]

I hate to say it, but I think she did for a good 48 hours, changingman. I feel better today nd am NC again. I think boredom all the drama that went down made me want to see her. I don't even like her. Hate everything she's about.

But yes. She came in, owned me, sh!t on me and split again.

[Dog biscuit]

Hey Buddy,

Did it occur to you that she may be playing games with the replacement too? That her staying over at your place maybe a manipulative tactic she can use towards the new guy? This way she has both of you hooked... .

[irishmarmot]

Buddy mine was crying her eyes out too.  I think agree with happy she had down time and needed someone.   Or she raged at her new bf and they are on the skids.  Its all about supply.  Im done with her after two RO in two months.  But she also moving on with fresh men.  She also said she had no friends and thats not far from the truth because they dont last long with her raging

[buddy1226]

Trying to figure out their motived is maddening. I think she did miss me in the drunken moment but was over it the next day.

I swear I think she made up having a rplacement. Not that she wouldn't, but she described everything they did and it was what I always wanted us to be... .

Bottom line is that it confirmed that she is a train wreck and that felt good. I want her ut of my damn head. Please God take this away.