And she's back.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

And she's back.  Started getting emails like crazy yesterday.  Sent me a doozy that she's been off two months for back surgery and couldn't walk. Had to meet with a social worker during therapy and she knows she has trust issues and problems that are not mine and she needs to fix or she'll never be happy.

She mentioned BPD and that I was right about her. 

Begged me to meet her for a drink. When I didn't she showed up at my house.  I didn't answer the door.

Apparently she's been immobile until yesterday. I thought she was mobile this whole time so this scares me.

She left me another email. It read like this:

I just stopped by on my way home... . on the really off chance you would open the door and see my shoulders down... . But yeah, don't want to freak you out either ... Your court ... . your ball ... . And respect absolutely.

Hope to hear from you.

Argggg.  Really? I had so many text conversations with close friends going half the town was on the way over to protect me.

This board has helped me a lot the past few months, stay the course with NC and getting better in general.  I know I have a rough road ahead. Glad you are all here.

[Pretty Woman]

And she's back.  Started getting emails like crazy yesterday.  Sent me a doozy that she's been off two months for back surgery and couldn't walk. Had to meet with a social worker during therapy and she knows she has trust issues and problems that are not mine and she needs to fix or she'll never be happy.

She mentioned BPD and that I was right about her. 

Begged me to meet her for a drink. When I didn't she showed up at my house.  I didn't answer the door.

Apparently she's been immobile until yesterday. I thought she was mobile this whole time so this scares me.

She left me another email. It read like this:

I just stopped by on my way home... . on the really off chance you would open the door and see my shoulders down... . But yeah, don't want to freak you out either ... Your court ... . your ball ... . And respect absolutely.

Hope to hear from you.

Argggg.  Really? I had so many text conversations with close friends going half the town was on the way over to protect me.

This board has helped me a lot the past few months, stay the course with NC and getting better in general.  I know I have a rough road ahead. Glad you are all here.

[love2give]

I admire your willpower.  At least you know what is best for you and do what is right to protect yourself.

I am so not even close to that.  I have not seen my BPDx in three weeks and all I keep hoping is she will call and come see me. I know it might be the worst thing for me but I still love her and miss her a lot even though I realize the way she ended us is the most heartless thing anyone has ever done to me.

I wish you well

[Tolou]

Pretty W... . U did the right thing.  Not opening the door was smart.

I was almost in the same situation, When she knowcked, I turned the t.v. down, then she began banging, my raced like crazy when I saw her threw the peep hole.  I resisted though and 15 minutes long minutes she was gone and NC was maintained.

Stay strong! Growing pains

[RecycledNoMore]

Wow r u ok?

The ex reengaged by email, told me he loved me blabla wanted to get back together... .

Checked his fb page and hes laughing with his family about what a joke I am, he said he was drunk for 8 yrs... .

That was bad enough, but actually coming to your home?

Im glad you stayed strong, I read your thread about your budding romance with a lovely girl who treats you with respect, leaves you lil notes, shows you kindness... I am very happy for you ea, do you think her attempts will escalate?

[Dog biscuit]

Kuddo" s to you Pretty Woman! You did wel by not opening the door. You took care of yourself!

[Ironmanrises]

Her relationship with the other person is in latter part of devaluation/discard. So of course, like we discussed before, this possible course of action of her reappearing, and now escalating with pretend pity, are for you to give her narcissistic supply. Why? Because she knows you have given her this very thing before in all those recycles. It is all a need. Sounds dastardly, I know; the unfortunate reality of being with a pwBPD. My exUBPDgf employed that same fake pity ploy in her re engagement of me for round 2. She may very well have an extinction burst if she doesn't get that need from you/elsewhere. I know how incredibly difficult this must be to resist her, especially with messages like that. Stay the course. You know we walk it with you Pretty woman. 

[Pretty Woman]

Thanks, Ironman (and all who posted).

Funny thing is there truly isn't someone.

I did not know she had major back surgery and has been home since December 13th. She is not back at work yet.

My "replacement" swore up and down they weren't together. Yesterday, in an email my ex said she replaced me with her emotionally and they got drunk a lot, her drinking was out of control.

The whole surgery was confirmed to me through someone else. She even told me she was on Match. She really told me everything.

I am staying the course. I am in love with someone else. This is not easy but I am not caving. I am not willing to lose what I found during this ordeal. 

[CoasterRider]

Guess im lucky my expsBPD is still in the throws of idealization with my replacement... . havent heard a peep from him

[sadinnc98]

Wow! I am so proud of you PW! I wish I had your strength! Awesome job!

[growing_wings]

wow PW... they all indeed come back.

Well done you!. dont cave in. Let her go for good.

Keep us posted!

GW

[TheRoadtoNowhere]

   Great job Pretty Woman,

If/when  my BPDexgf ever tries to "re-engage", I pray that Im as strong as you were... .

Im glad that you have someone else that treats you with love and respect,  I imagine that, hopefully, made it a little easier for you not to open that door and Im glad you thought about your new love... .

 Someone once asked me, "would you give up everything you have, for everything you ever wanted?"

I guess you answered that!  Im proud of you, stay strong !

[coastalfog1]

I wish I were as strong as you PW.  Good for you! I'd have caved in a second, hell I even dream of her showing up every night :'(. No matter if what she said is true, just remember past behavior is a true indicator of future behavior. Focus on You, you deserve a good r/s.

[LilMissSunshine]

Wow PW, so classic, huh?  I was completely surprised when I read this thread.  You handled the situation  magnificently.  Are you still doing okay?  Stay strong my dear.   

[Changingman]

And... . she's back

Ha ha I love your sense of humour PW, it is amazing, it has happened. I hope we are all clucking like chickens not for fun and validation but that the condition indeed has a pattern to it that can be predicted because of the core issues. There is still a 'leap of faith' feeling to this new knowledge. It is near invisible from 1 angle and totally huge and scary from another.

I had the 'help' really this time around that me xwife did recycles over and over. Each time I left and returned the stakes were higher, kids etc. God she kept me busy, doing up houses, moving all the time, busy busy busy... . true deception and gaslighting, anything to take my eyes from seeing he man behind the curtain.

That you are making an emotionally mature decision gives us all strength and hope. Some of us may never get our ... . and she's back moment... . pause... . wind whistles  threw the house ... . somewhere afar a horse is startled... . but to know that it is real and we can heal and protect ourselves is humbling.

All the best to you

Not just a pretty face