RO order reminds me of her

[irishmarmot]

Hi, I have been on this board since November and its over for good with my expwBPD .  I am currently under an RO order and am wondering is this common?   This is the second one in 6 weeks and I am totally innocent.   There are no criminal charges filed yet but have others gone through this also?  I have begun the grieving process and the FOG is beginning to lift.  The forced NC has been good in that respect and I will NEVER contact her again.   The RO is a constant reminder of her and I would just like to forget I ever met her.

[santa]

I'm sure it's fairly common. I went through a similar thing with my ex. She filed false charges against me and then used it as a means to control me. I certainly wouldn't wish it on anyone.

If there's one thing I can stress to you it's that you don't want to make yourself vulnerable to her. It's like the BPDs can smell blood in the water and all they really want to do is "rule or ruin". If you're still practicing No Contact, you should definitely keep it up. After awhile, you'll start to not feel so emotional about her.

[arn131arn]

Par for the course

Got mine last Thursday

My son's birthday is today

I couldn't call him because of it

He is named on it, as well

I don't get how the universe does not rain down fire on these demons

[santa]

Par for the course

Got mine last Thursday

My son's birthday is today

I couldn't call him because of it

He is named on it, as well



I don't get how the universe does not rain down fire on these demons

For real. BPD are the worst people on Earth. The Government should buy an island and send them all to it. Let them deal with each other for awhile.

[maxen]

The Government should buy an island and send them all to it.

[irishmarmot]

They should be registered as relationship offenders!

[maxen]

by the way irish, you'll find people on the legal board who are well familiar with ROs

[santa]

They should be registered as relationship offenders!

LMAO

Absolutely

[Tausk]

Yes, they can leave a path of destruction with those people who allow them into their lives.  I'm sorry about the RO.  It might be a good idea to discuss this with a lawyer.  You may wish to fight it.  Not in that you want contact, but in that there is no basis for the RO.  An RO can have long term consequences.  Especially if you have kids or plan on ever having kids.  

Do no expect any logical or rational thinking.  The disorder always wins.  We allowed them into our lives because they served a purpose for us at one time.  But that time is past. And now it's time to disengage.

They are very sad, and confused.  Their actions are impulsive and based on trying to survive in the terror of their very real waking nightmare.  They do not have the capacity to rationally move through many of the emotional concepts of everyday life.  That's why so many kill themselves through suicide, or slow suicide in their insane life styles.

So depersonalize the RO.  It's not about you.  It's about how your ex's inability to cope and understand your interaction together.  So she's responding in the way she thinks is best.  If you tell a three year old that she can't have a cookie. At that moment, she'll scream and hate you and believe that you are the most evil, abusive, and threatening person in the world to her.  Your ex's emotional understanding at this moment is the same as the three year old.  So sad.  Their lives are so pathetic.  They are barely human and deserve our pity, but not necessarily our anger.  :)oes it do any good to be angry at the three year old who is having a tantrum?

It does not mean that we excuse their actions.  We depersonalize, and quit being a target of their nightmare.

I wish you peace. It's so difficult. I felt so hurt when the police complaint came to me.  I'm sure that she wanted an RO, but the police couldn't give it to her because there was no basis.  It's just what she felt she needed to do to justify her actions.  I wouldn't accept her cheating, so I was the most abusive, threatening, terrible person in the world.  Just like not letting her have a cookie.  No different.

Knowing the above, doesn't necessarily make the hurt less, but sometimes helps with the long term coping.  

In support

T

[Take2]

After my ex scared the crap out of me in June - where for the first time I saw a true out of his mind crazy person making no sense raging at me (had seen many many many rages prior - but this was TRULY crazy person) - I threatened a restraining order simply to get him to understand that I could not take the constant barrage of attacks on me... .   HUUUUGE mistake.  Don't ever threaten one.  If you are going to get one, just get it.  I have since been threatened with them many many times along with multiple other things.  Some of which he has followed thru on... .   so I fear any time he threatens me now.

But from what I have read on here from others - yes, it's very very common for those with BPD to file restraining orders against their partners with no reason for it at all... .

[maxen]

Yes, they can leave a path of destruction with those people who allow them into their lives.

i did not allow a pwBPD into my life. i allowed a woman with many great attributes into my life who, once she became tied to me in the security of marriage, displayed patterns of behavior which were not being practiced beforehand, or were unknown to me beforehand, or were far more disordered than anything she had shown (example of the last: beforehand: a couple of pitchers of beers with friends around a table; afterwards: a quart of bourbon a week, just herself, sometimes topped off with a bottle of wine or two). i did not in any way contribute to the presence of BPD in my life. how i reacted to the patterns of behavior shown by my w once we were married, is the area for me to examine.

[Take2]

I don't think most people here chose to allow someone with BPD into their lives specifically?  It took me one year to realize there was a major anger issue... . two years to begin to realize that there was something seriously amiss... . 2.5 years to stumble onto BPD... .   here at 4 years... . well, it's reached complete hell.

And agree that by now?  my own patterns of behavior for allowing this to go on to this point are what need examining.  The ONLY thing that needs to be examined by me at this point... .

[Tausk]

Thanks for your replies to that first line.  I've reposted on a new thread as to not hijack this one.  I was more focused on the concept of the RO.  Yes, it's common for us exes of pwBPD.  It's a form of Triangulation, with forced participation on the part of the legal system. 

It's the only way they know how to deal with the inability to accept responsibility.  I wouldn't let me ex have a the "cookie" of cheating on me, so I'm a bad bad man who should have the police called on him. 

F'ed up. Yes, But the logic behind the madness.  The disorder always wins.

[LilMissSunshine]

I've been NC or CC (meaning he texts me but I don't respond) for months.  Yet I still occasionally receive threats of a RO     I ignore, don't engage and laugh it off now.  

I found out he was cheating on me last year because my replacement called me.  She said I was interfering with their relationship and if I continued she would get a RO.    Excuse me, but I don't know you, didn't know you were hit_ my bf and he and I have been in an "exclusive" relationship for years.     Then I received a couple naked text pics of her.       I'm sure she has some kind of PD too.

For god's sake woman, I thought to myself.  Next time you try to make someone jealous with nasty naked pictures of yourself, have some self respect and at least use some fishing line to perk yourself up a bit (she's in her mid 50's   )  Anyhow, I refer to her as Sagatha now.  She didn't last long in his life anyway.

Ya, so RO's or the threat of them are very comon as are actual false complaints of DV.  Male or female, it doesn't matter.  However, from what I've heard it usually backfires on them but you still do not want to go through the horror.

[maxen]

I found out he was cheating on me last year because my replacement called me.  She said I was interfering with their relationship and if I continued she would get a RO.

  

[irishmarmot]

Yes I would like it to be dropped because that way I have no ties with her for the next year and would make it easier to get on with my life without her.  This was the last bit of abuse I hope.  Needless to say I am sorry I ever met her.