LOL - I told you so

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

In several posts, I have commented on the fact that I have been NC with my exBPDw for almost a year now but every few weeks I receive nasty or abusive emails from her. I believe in one post I said it had been 3 weeks since I heard from her so was due a message very soon. Well it has literally just arrived, like clockwork.

It has to be by far the tamest email she has sent apart from the one that just said "thank you". I posted excerpts of the nastiness I received at the start of month just to show the kind of abuse I get. She fluctuates between nice (well calm) and nasty but the details are always the same, projection and selfishness. here is the latest installment:

Well, I have attempted to communicate and call via Skype several times, left messages at your moms and through e-mail.  If you don't want or care to discuss matters and know what is going on, then that is your decision.  I thought you would keep your word on being cordial, as I have been, but I guess due to lack of response, you do not want or care to discuss or be informed; I had hoped for a more mature and caring response. I hope tomorrow that you are honourable enough to respond to this message.

Thank you

What I read into that. Please remember that I have been strictly NC for 12 months and at no point given her any reason to believe I have changed my stance. It's ALL about her. The being cordial part was something that I did say and something that I meant too. That was right before the false allegations of stalking and child abuse were thrown in my general direction. Unbelievable, takes no responsibility for her actions but criticises me for something I said prior to her attempting to destroy my life. Also, why the hell would I care about being informed about what she is up to?

Vent over  

[Murbay]

In several posts, I have commented on the fact that I have been NC with my exBPDw for almost a year now but every few weeks I receive nasty or abusive emails from her. I believe in one post I said it had been 3 weeks since I heard from her so was due a message very soon. Well it has literally just arrived, like clockwork.

It has to be by far the tamest email she has sent apart from the one that just said "thank you". I posted excerpts of the nastiness I received at the start of month just to show the kind of abuse I get. She fluctuates between nice (well calm) and nasty but the details are always the same, projection and selfishness. here is the latest installment:

Well, I have attempted to communicate and call via Skype several times, left messages at your moms and through e-mail.  If you don't want or care to discuss matters and know what is going on, then that is your decision.  I thought you would keep your word on being cordial, as I have been, but I guess due to lack of response, you do not want or care to discuss or be informed; I had hoped for a more mature and caring response. I hope tomorrow that you are honourable enough to respond to this message.

Thank you

What I read into that. Please remember that I have been strictly NC for 12 months and at no point given her any reason to believe I have changed my stance. It's ALL about her. The being cordial part was something that I did say and something that I meant too. That was right before the false allegations of stalking and child abuse were thrown in my general direction. Unbelievable, takes no responsibility for her actions but criticises me for something I said prior to her attempting to destroy my life. Also, why the hell would I care about being informed about what she is up to?

Vent over  

[santa]

It's ironic that she mentions she thought you'd be more cordial. Not engaging in nonsense with her is the most cordial thing you can possibly do. I'd say you're being extremely cordial.

[myself]

I hope tomorrow that you are honourable enough to respond to this message.

   I hope tomorrow you have a great day NOT responding.

[Murbay]

I haven't responded to a single email yet. She called my mother and not expecting it my mother picked up the phone as soon as she heard her she hung up. ExBPDw rang back and left a very nasty and abusive voice message which is not in the hands of my lawyer.

Even though that's one of the tame messages I see both the BPD and NPD in there.

The "know what is going" on is because she is in debt. She is in debt because she takes several holidays a year, always travels first class and stays in 5* resorts. She sent an email on 22nd December to let me know she had spent several thousand $$$ on presents for people and then on 3rd Jan sent me an email to say she was so in debt she couldn't afford shoes for my SD and could I help her out.

She would criticise me for what I earned but failed to realise that it still went towards the bills. I'm on good money but she always expected more. Now she is left with just one salary and doesn't have the lifestyle she once did and wants me to take care of her. That is what she is referring to by not wanting to care, it's ALL about her. Not once has she ever asked how I'm doing, it's all about her.

There is the guilt trip in there to remind me of what I once said. Going off that, I stood at an altar and said "I promised to love her until death us do part" we both made that promise but rules can be broken when it's the other way around. I did ask for us to be cordial and santa, you are perfectly right. The other part to that is she contacted T, raged at him and told him to tell me never to contact her again. I think I have respected that wish  

The other thing that stands out is that she has never considered that maybe I don't read her emails or that I just delete them. She automatically assumes I do. To be fair, I do but she doesn't know that. More importantly, I can post previous messages to show just how cordial she has been. Both T and lawyers don't think so.

Her emails all follow a very similar pattern. "My life is terrible, I NEED someone to care about ME, please respond"

[Murbay]

Had a great weekend and didn't respond to the email. After 12 months of NC, I'm not sure why she would think I would break that now.

It's a real deja vu moment for me right now because I saw the is exact same pattern with her ex. She showed me the emails she sent him and how wrong it was that he didn't respond to any of them. I actually agreed with her though I was caught up in our relationship at that time to think why that possibly might be. Now I know and I'm watching the same pattern occurring but with me.

After 7 months of bombarding him, she finally gave up then 6 months after that sent him a message asking if they could be friends. He didn't respond to that either. It's been 12 months of bombardment on me and I know she has no intention of giving up soon. The reason, her lack of information.

Back in the day when my T was hers, she had an appointment with him where she raged about how much she hated my mother. Bearing in mind she had never met her but they had talked on the phone. My mother asked a perfectly normal question that my exBPDw did not like but rather than say anything, she raged at me before telling me I had to put my mother in her place and basically disown her. All my mother had asked her was whether little one had weaned off breastfeeding and on to solid foods yet. That's all it took.

T explained to her that rather than get angry, she had a choice of how she dealt with the issue. The answer she gave was one of key indicators that she was BPD, it was to paint my mother black, have nothing to do with her and cut her out of her life. No, sit down and explain how she felt about the comment or why, it was a straight forward paint black and done. We had a joint appointment and T asked her to explain to me what she had told him. She did and T asked what my thoughts were. I said I disagreed with the extremity she was going to but that I respected her choice and hoped she respected mine in keeping contact with my mother. She didn't like that but T reinforced that I was entitled to my own choice as much as she was.

After a month of her going NC with my mother (who by this time knew something wasn't right and was relieved herself at the NC) exBPDw started contacting my mother again. She said she did it for me, even though I never raised the discussion with her. The truth being that it angered her I was still in contact and it angered her more that she wasn't involved as she HAS to know everything. We had already discussed in T's office that it meant I didn't discuss any of the conversations I had with my mother and she agreed. She was convinced we were talking about her and that is why she made contact again. It wasn't for me but because of her own paranoia. She got angry because my mother remained NC and the whole process started again.

So, with her ex, she is able to stalk him through a second account on FB which she did on a regular basis when we were married. She told me she was doing it to help another ex of his but the truth there was he in a long term relationship and happy. She never contacted him again as far as I'm aware but she did spy. I have blocked every avenue she has to see what I'm up to. She has taken it upon herself to befriend my children and their mother but they will not give her any information. So essentially, it is tearing her up that she is unable to spy on me the same as she does with her ex. She has lost that control and doesn't like it. She is a very dangerous individual and T was even concerned that my life was potentially at risk last year following a rage she did on him.

Right now she will be stewing at the fact I didn't respond and I have no doubt I will hear from her again before the end of the week.