sleep patterns

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My uBPDh sleeps pretty much all day or into the afternoon and awake all night. His levels of disruption during the night vary, last night he was vacuuming the lounge at 4am. Ear plugs help, but it's impossible to be totally quiet during the day.

This has gone up and down for years. If he has something he wants to get up for, he regulates his sleep better. What your experiences with this sort of behaviour? When he's very deregulated, he uses sound to abuse me, usually tv up full volume. Or sometimes light, coming into the bedroom and putting the main light on. Rarely is it words.

[Tyrwhitt]

My uBPDh sleeps pretty much all day or into the afternoon and awake all night. His levels of disruption during the night vary, last night he was vacuuming the lounge at 4am. Ear plugs help, but it's impossible to be totally quiet during the day.

This has gone up and down for years. If he has something he wants to get up for, he regulates his sleep better. What your experiences with this sort of behaviour? When he's very deregulated, he uses sound to abuse me, usually tv up full volume. Or sometimes light, coming into the bedroom and putting the main light on. Rarely is it words.

[SimplySeattle]

Mine was similar in that she had problems sleeping and would roll around in bed so that I could not sleep either. She always had something wrong with her stomach or a chronic cough that would keep me awake some nights. If there was conflict between us, and she was dysregulated, then there was no chance that either of us were going to sleep. This sleep deprivation would set the stage for the next days events.

[Clearmind]

Hmmm, what do you do/say when he does this?

[Tyrwhitt]

Usually he's upstairs in our bed and I leave him to it. If the mood is his 'normal' then I''ll ask him if he wants a drink if I'm making one for myself and sometimes he gets up. As the mood falls, and its been bad recently, I leave him alone. There's nothing gained from trying to motivate him, he doesn't have any general motivation.

Right now, he's asleep on the settee, hasn't washed or changed for two days. I'm not aggravating it as I've other stuff to do.  One thing being to get some legal advice.  I just want to know how I stand. I might not act but at least I'll know where I stand in different scenarios.  I know after 21 yrs and 19 married that it will never be any different. It's whether there is a workaround until change happens. And how to keep my blood pressure intact!

[hergestridge]

Same thing as with all their other problems. Their feelings overwhelm them so much, they can't see why they should "hold it back" a little so that you won't be affected. When my wife can't sleep (some night she just can't) she makes a lot of noise as if to let everyone else (that would be me and our daughter BTW) know that she can't sleep. Before we had kids I didn't care, I let her do her thing. But now it happens that our daughter wakes up from this, and this makes me mad. So it's happend that I've confronted her (my wife) in the middle of the night when she's been doing the "loud sighs, rattling she sheets, throwing herself around the bed loudly"-type stuff and asked her; "What are you doing? Are you trying to wake us up?"

The raction I've got is a strange one. She's had nothing to say, just stuttring, as I've "called her bluff".

Sleeping is actually a major issue at home here. When my daugher is ill (has a cold, caughing etc), my wife can't sleep because of the noise. But my wife won't accept sleeping in another room or wearing earplugs. She finds that "degrading" to be "thrown out of her bedroom". She's even suggested that I take the girl with me and go to another room. It's like my wife has to be number one.

[AllisG]

My bf sleeps only 3-4 hours a night.

He says it's because in case I call or text he doesn't want to miss it.