Simple Questions

[arn131arn]

Why all the drama?  Why all the chaos?

Why do the BPD men/women thrive on this?

What is it about conflict that makes them want to wallow in it?

I read this on this site when I first came to it.

"You can wrestle in the mud with a pig, until you realize the pig actually likes it."

[fromheeltoheal]

With an unstable sense of self, as in who a sufferer is to themselves is constantly changing, they don't have a choice, it's not a want thing, it just is.  Plus, if that's all you know, contentment and mellowness are uncomfortable; it's the chaos that is comfortable.  They've been doing it their whole lives, but it's new for us.

[myself]

Wired for no accountability. They're hurting so everyone else must hurt. No one has been able to stop them yet and that's a lot of momentum. They don't care about anyone but themselves, and spend all their time proving they don't even care about themselves. They could change but decide not to. A game of avoidance.

[arn131arn]

I cannot even fathom that!

I used to think that I was the one with BPD; but I know deep in my heart I am a very dependent person.  That's what I need to change about myself.  After 14 years of emotional, verbal, and physical abuse, 5 phone calls to the police, 3 charges, 1 dropped, 2 convictions, constant push/pull, silence. 

Oh, how I hated the silence. But I always felt for her.  Always wanted to know what was wrong, what the problem was, how I could help... . silence.  I know this makes me extremely co-dependent. But I also know that I am compasssionate, empathetic, emotionally "there"... .

That's how I know I'm not BPD... . and I hate chaos/drama.

[Surnia]

Great insight, arn!

Perhaps this book could be something for you:

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist - Margalis Fjelstad, Ph.D.,



How are your T sessions going?

[casper324]

I honestly believe my stbex needed drama as foreplay.  Sex seemed to be preceded by a rant or rage usually how horrible his sex life was and how horrible I was in bed,  then he would expect me to be intimate with him.