Text break-downs

[Red17]

Welcome to my world.  I have been dealing with the text-breakdowns for 2 years now.  We are currently breaking up--for good, I think.  As much as I know in my head that's the best thing for me & our 12-month-old son, it is not what I want in my heart.  For once, I am trying to follow my head & reading back through the flood of BPD-word-vomit on my phone has been helping me remember why a break up is the healthiest thing for me & my son.  His extreme dysfunction is so clear as he rants in his text messages.

[unicorn2014]

Welcome to my world.  I have been dealing with the text-breakdowns for 2 years now.  We are currently breaking up--for good, I think.  As much as I know in my head that's the best thing for me & our 12-month-old son, it is not what I want in my heart.  For once, I am trying to follow my head & reading back through the flood of BPD-word-vomit on my phone has been helping me remember why a break up is the healthiest thing for me & my son.  His extreme dysfunction is so clear as he rants in his text messages.

Yes it's good to review the text messages so you remember what happened. Is your BPD person diagnosed ?

[Red17]

He's diagnosed as bipolar.  He was given 2 meds & while researching them to justify not taking them (which he never has) he found BPD & recognized himself immediately.  When I looked into it I had to agree, but I think there's a good chance he's comorbid.  So he knows he has issues & he needs professional help, but he refuses to get it.  However, that doesn't stop him from using BiPD/BPD as an excuse for all his self-destructive, hurtful behavior.  If he would only get help I think we would have a chance.  Unfortunately, I don't see that happening.

[unicorn2014]

He's diagnosed as bipolar.  He was given 2 meds & while researching them to justify not taking them (which he never has) he found BPD & recognized himself immediately.  When I looked into it I had to agree, but I think there's a good chance he's comorbid.  So he knows he has issues & he needs professional help, but he refuses to get it.  However, that doesn't stop him from using BiPD/BPD as an excuse for all his self-destructive, hurtful behavior.  If he would only get help I think we would have a chance.  Unfortunately, I don't see that happening.

you can set a boundary and say no meds no relationship. It's  simple. I wouldn't put up with self destructive behavior. I'd say get help or I'm getting out.

[letmeout]

My exBPDh said he was getting help when he wasn't. Finally he admitted that he liked being what he is, and it was my job to keep dealing with it. I divorced him.

[unicorn2014]

My exBPDh said he was getting help when he wasn't. Finally he admitted that he liked being what he is, and it was my job to keep dealing with it. I divorced him.

Yes my BPD fiancé said in the past  there were some benefits to having BPD. Something happened that might have changed that. I will have to ask him if he still feels the same about the benefits of BPD.

[Kifazes]

Mine was even better.

He knows he has BPD, recognized himself in things.

Then promised me to go talk to a T. Never did.

Now he's saying "you need to talk to a T so you can deal with my BPD".

Ha, good one.

I'm in a good place, he isn't. I'm not gonna see a T, so I can make him feel better :-) The nerve... .

[Dog biscuit]

So, if I understand correctly... you had to seek help to resolve his problem ? Ghehehehe, twisted! And sad.

[Kifazes]

So, if I understand correctly... you had to seek help to resolve his problem ? Ghehehehe, twisted! And sad.

You're correct :-)

I couldn't help but giggle when he said that. Couldn't do anything else than turn around and walk away. Cause this was a discussion, I could never win, or make him see why that would be so wrong :-)

[btechpc]

I had this the other day as well. I had to go home after dropping my kids off at school, had to use the washroom ASAP due to a stomach issue. I left my phone in the truck (oh stupid me!) as I thought it was no big deal as she said she was showering so wouldn't be texting for a bit. Well when I got back in the truck (going to her place to spend the day hanging out) there was 10 messages and 5 phone calls. They were really nasty, like :

what the heck why aren't you picking up your phone

I'm not playing these games

I'm so sick this sh!t

Your phone is off, it's going straight to vm (which it does after multiple calls)

I can't believe your doing this to me, my day is ruined

Soo, after this nastyness I call her and apologize that I forgot my phone in the truck. She's like 'what ever!' In super bhity tone. When I get to her house she gives me the silent treatment for about 10 mins and asks me what my problem is. I said 'you' and she just withdrew more.

When we left her place she's like 'I'm sorry for being such a crazy bhit' and iam like 'it's fine'

She has the gall to say to me " aren't you going to say sorry?" And I'm like "nope, I did nothing wrong" soo more silent treatment for about 10 mins and then she says "well let's  just drop it, I don't want to fight all day", like no big deal. And to top it all off it was the day I was giving the lawyer the ok to proceed with divorce papers to my soon to be ex wife, torpedoing the whole world my kids had ever known. To her it was like nothing. It only matters to her or her world.

End of rant.

Sorry to hear this, but I get these types of texts daily. I start to feel sick if I don't respond right away as she will rage, then oh poor me and I dont deserve you... . Sucks me right back in!

[letmeout]

Why are you allowing that into your life? I feel silly asking the question since I allowed a BPD person to rule my world for many years. Now that I am on the other side of the fence, I have realized just how much psychological damage it does to the nons who are subjected to BPD behavior. 

[rj47]

My phone locked up last night. I did not realize it until today. No e-mail incoming e-mail and no texts. She called at 1:51pm to ask something. I called back two minutes later. No answer. I called back 30-minutes later. Her phone was turned off. Trouble brewing. What did I do now? At 5:30 I reboot my phone to see if it will work. Six texts roll in at once turning nastier with each one and into full blown accusations. 40-minute stomach churning drive home in the weather. It does not matter that the phone still is not receiving e-mail. I am never to be trusted. Even the reality of a bad smartphone does not break into her consciousness. Apology? Forget it. I neglected to call her once 19 years ago which means; "YOU NEVER!" and "YOU ALWAYS!". She leaves the house saying she is going to have a drink and maybe find Mr Right; a man that will treasure her for the gem she is. Please? Please? Its OK. Go find him. The thought sickens me, but I know I'm going to be OK. She calls asking me to join her, that everything is OK and it was simple misunderstanding.

Every step of the way its a battle. We do our best to accomodate, validate, avoid trouble and manage their emotions. I did it for 29-years; but I am done and will battle and counter the misplaced rage to exhaustion rather than give into an inch of her criticisms and accusations. Stupid phones.

[maxsterling]

Wow, are we all dealing with the same person?    I see SOO much of my girlfriend in this thread.

Text messages are the devil for a pwBPD.   But for me sometimes, they are from heaven.  I cave when talking to her face to face, because she cries.  Via text it is much easier for me to see how irrational she is being, and take time to respond appropriately. 

[unicorn2014]

Wow, are we all dealing with the same person?    I see SOO much of my girlfriend in this thread.

Text messages are the devil for a pwBPD.   But for me sometimes, they are from heaven.  I cave when talking to her face to face, because she cries.  Via text it is much easier for me to see how irrational she is being, and take time to respond appropriately. 

Why are they the devil for a pwBPD? I find they actually are very dangerous tool and I try to stay clear of them when the borderline is blowing hot. In fact I refuse to have a text conversation over a controversial issue because it usually ends up badly.

[maxsterling]

since the pwBPD tends to rely on reading facial expressions to understand your emotions, and is always looking for a negative meaning in everything, a text message is too easy for them to get a different meaning out of what you wrote.  Text messaging a pwBPD is a disaster that is bound to happen. 

I used to avoid text messages.  Now, I kinda prefer it.  Via text messages, she can dysregulate in a place away from me.  It's not my job to keep her calm.  If she misinterprets, that is her issue.  And if she gets upset, it's much easier for me to say "I'm not going to discuss this further until you calm down."  She can blow up my phone, but I can switch it off.  If we are in the same room, there's always the chance she will chase after me if I try to leave. 

[elemental]

I think it's too easy to fire off a text out of frustration that is pretty rude, but essentially meaningless.

Detachment is really helpful. The real message is your BPD is panicking and smacking out. Tedious, of course, and if you don't have some detachment, you can jump right in and add to the drama.

Keep in mind, you are jumping into drama like you would with a normal person, but the person you are fussing with has BPD and their view of the world is not the same as yours.

Any conversation of importance probably won't go well over text.

[btechpc]

The reason I stay is because I care about her a lot. But to be honest it's starting to wear thin and I've started to see a therapist to deal with post divorce issues and her. He's helping me build a criteria of a healthy relationship and to be honest I don't think I've ever had one for any past relationship.