Broke NC and Talked to Ex

[Pretty Woman]

Good morning BPD Family Peeps,

Just a quick update... . so I broke NC and spoke to my ex yesterday.  It was a very interesting and surprisingly mature conversation regarding our relationship and how it ended. Of course, she cried several times and told me she made a big mistake.  But I was calm and unaffected.  I think when she told me I was one of the best people she's ever known I said something like:

"Of course I am"

I mean I was feeling pretty good and confident.

She talked about my replacement, her time in the hospital, how badly she missed me.  How she was in the dating sites just to talk to people because she was lonely.

As we talked her story changed. She was dating, nothing that happened between she and my replacement turned into, they kissed.  

As I listened to this lucid woman who seemed normal I  started picking up on all her bullcrap.  A changing story that kept changing as we spoke.  

Finally I told her I was in a relationship.  She went silent.  

I think I freaked her out I was completely ok with the break up.  She seemed calm and told me I sounded great and happy.  

Realistically I know she will try to talk to me again however I feel very empowered.

I am not recommending this (breaking contact) all I can say is I felt better knowing I am in control and she can't affect me anymore.

[sadinnc98]

It sounds like you are in a great place PW and I am proud of you! I hope to be like you one day! You sound emotionally healthy and confident... that's great! 

[babyducks]

PW,

It sounds like you had the opportunity to take a step forward to closure and took it. 

There is another thread going about no contact / low contact.  and some very good things have been said there.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=218980.0

It has been my experience that contact has been a learning and growing experience for me, and sometimes it has been some what painful.

I have noticed that I tend to pay the price for contact about 3 days after the event.   There seems to be a very predictable cycle of feeling good for speaking my truth,  feeling free and then a down turn a couple of days after, as I recognize how sad all this is.

babyducks

[Pretty Woman]

Baby ducks,

   I think it's empowering only when you get to a point you know this person doesn't complete you.  Her calling me, crying, repeating the same stuff.  I think I needed to hear it again and it confirmed things for me. 

She is a wreck I am so unaffected.

I'm not getting off on this but I will say it feels good to know I can do this... . I can take back my power. 

In happy, I'm excited.  I know I can do this. 

[Dog biscuit]

 

Ah, it must feel good to shake of the burden PW!

[willtimeheal]

Good for you PW. Your life.  Your future. Your decision. Proud of you.

[growing_wings]

hi PW thanks for sharing... .

can i ask you, why did you decide to break NC? what is what you were looking for?, closure?

thanks

[Ironmanrises]

Good morning BPD Family Peeps,

Just a quick update... . so I broke NC and spoke to my ex yesterday.  It was a very interesting and surprisingly mature conversation regarding our relationship and how it ended. Of course, she cried several times and told me she made a big mistake.  But I was calm and unaffected.  I think when she told me I was one of the best people she's ever known I said something like:

"Of course I am"

I mean I was feeling pretty good and confident.

She talked about my replacement, her time in the hospital, how badly she missed me.  How she was in the dating sites just to talk to people because she was lonely.

As we talked her story changed. She was dating, nothing that happened between she and my replacement turned into, they kissed.  

As I listened to this lucid woman who seemed normal I  started picking up on all her bullcrap.  A changing story that kept changing as we spoke.  

Finally I told her I was in a relationship.  She went silent.  

I think I freaked her out I was completely ok with the break up.  She seemed calm and told me I sounded great and happy.  

Realistically I know she will try to talk to me again however I feel very empowered.

I am not recommending this (breaking contact) all I can say is I felt better knowing I am in control and she can't affect me anymore.

With the exception of being in a relationship, i heard all the same exact things from my exUBPDgf when she re engaged me for round 2. I heard all of those things, until trigger day. After that day, i heard those things, not at all. She will try again Pretty. Hang in there.

[UnLuckyLady]

Love the "of course I am" comment Pretty Woman!   Of course you are!

I think it helps when we have healed enough to find someone else to be part of our lives.  I think it empowers us a bit and opens our eyes to how a "normal" relationship is supposed to be experienced.  I am no where near that stage of wanting to date again... . but it'll happen dammit!

I'm extremely proud for you and your new found strength.  You're an inspiration to us non-peeps 

[Turkish]

That's awesome, Pretty Woman!