Contact With Her Abuser Twice This Week

[joethemechanic]

None of her family know what he did. In fact my grandmother and I are the only other people who ever knew, and Grandmom has been dead since 89, so I am the only living person who knows.

So anyway, the abuser is still alive, but he is sick and in the hospital. And being he is still her family member, and that no one knows, she is expected to at least talk to him.

The "F" ing guy talks to her like nothing happened. He says stuff like "I love you Honey" to her. He wants her to come and visit and bring her daughters. I mean really, bring her daughters to visit a pervert, What the heck.

Two times this week she talked to him on the phone, and both times she ends up all "F" ed up. She sat here on my living room floor folding clothes, and broke down crying and crying, she never cries. She talked to me about the abuse and the abuse of her cousins (One who is in an institution since 2005) The other one died of an OD. I really felt close like she was opening up to me.

And then she drank... .

Next thing you know, all men were painted black, and I was probably a molester too because we got together when she was 17 and I was 21... .What the heck.


I don't know what to do, if the abuser lives, then what? If he dies, is there closure then? Or is she going to become totally dysregulated?

If he dies, how the "F" is she ever going to get through the funeral where everyone is supposed to say good things about him?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[unicorn2014]

Have you ever been to an al-anon meeting?

[Grey Kitty]

Dunno what action I can suggest to you--it is a tough situation. 

I don't know what to do, if the abuser lives, then what? If he dies, is there closure then? Or is she going to become totally dysregulated?

As for this question: I think she is going to find her own level of peace (or lack of it!) regarding her abuser. If he dies, she still has to find her own peace... . and now with some additional stress added to the mix. His death is another chance for her to address it, for better or for worse, or just avoid coping with it.

I hope she finds some healing.