Had contact from her.

[Eric1]

She called me last friday, drunk. She asked me to give her another chance & that she wants to be with me, she'll break it off with the bloke she's seeing and will come back to me. I obviously took all of this with a pinch of salt and told her that we would have to think about things because i'll find it hard to trust her.

Spoke to her today & she now says we can't talk anymore. So, i'm finally going to block me number.

Funny thing tho. I said to hert that she can't be reliant on me to make her happy, she has to be happy with herself. She repeated this & told me that she can't expect people to make her happy & she can't runaway at the first sign of trouble. So, all i've done is told her what is needed, to which she's going to act on with the new guy.

Smart move on my part, i've lost out.

[Moonie75]

She already knew this mate. You didn't tell her anything she didn't already know!

Her repeating back to you what you said, is still a million zillion miles away from her having a happy relationship with the your replacement. You know that. It would take years of hard work for both of them. her in therapy, and him using all the support tools he can get his hands on. A HUGE ASK from BOTH of them.

He's enjoying all the $hite that you had to endure & your conversation with her won't have changed that.

[Aussie0zborn]

What Moonie said.

[Murbay]

What moonie said too. She already knows that but just like a little goldfish, by the time she has circled the bowl she will have forgotten.

My exBPDgf told me she was tired of feeling the way she did and decided to seek professional help. She also told me that she only causes suffering and pain to those who get too close to her and that she needs to be on her own. 3 days after saying that, she was with replacement.

If she knows she causes suffering and pain and knows this pattern keeps happening, then why find a replacement?

It's not that that they aren't aware, it's because they can't deal with it. Your ex knows she has to be happy with herself but she doesn't know how to do that and deals with it the only way she knows how. It's a cycle that will continue to repeat over and over again.

As for losing out, consider it dodging a bullet. The pain and hurt you have been feeling, just as she cycles, you will feel that pain over and over again until you decide it's time to get off.

[Johnny Alias]

What moonie said too. She already knows that but just like a little goldfish, by the time she has circled the bowl she will have forgotten.

My exBPDgf told me she was tired of feeling the way she did and decided to seek professional help. She also told me that she only causes suffering and pain to those who get too close to her and that she needs to be on her own. 3 days after saying that, she was with replacement.

If she knows she causes suffering and pain and knows this pattern keeps happening, then why find a replacement?

It's not that that they aren't aware, it's because they can't deal with it. Your ex knows she has to be happy with herself but she doesn't know how to do that and deals with it the only way she knows how. It's a cycle that will continue to repeat over and over again.

As for losing out, consider it dodging a bullet. The pain and hurt you have been feeling, just as she cycles, you will feel that pain over and over again until you decide it's time to get off.

Love that goldfish bit.  I agree with much of this.  Trying to determine if what they said was genuine is a WASTE of time. 

Why don't they get therapy so they can stop hurting people which they KNOW that they do?  Because they have little empathy to begin with.  I'm sorry but that's how I feel about them.  I think when they act apologetic its because they're in fear of losing their narcissistic or financial supply.  Period.  After it's gone and the person get's tired of it, then they just move onto the next supply. 

Why would you go to therapy to say how cruel you are to other people when you really think they deserve it or even feel you were doing them a favor?  You've got loads of people lined up to say how perfect you are. 

They don't care.  I'm sorry.  If it does happen it is FLEETING at best.  The goldfish theory holds... . nothing stays in their mind for long due to the arrested development and object constancy issues.  Mine had HUGE memory problems.  Really.  Something that happened weeks ago was days ago and months ago was actually YEARS ago.  Most of the gaps were also for transgressions of mine against her.  Time was just... . a foreign concept.  She also didn't have a job so one day bled into the other with alcohol, weed, pills, or coke to mess up the timeline even further. 

Confronting what they are... . is just as hard as her telling me what day of the week it is... . oh and btw you've now been painted black due to you rejecting her.  Odds are that she'll start saying ruthless stuff about you to people and any further charm attempts will be vengeful in nature. 

BLOCK HER.  Fair warning.  It will NEVER get better with this one.   

[Eric1]

I have blocked her. But, she still calls by withholding her number.

I took the step yesterday to remove the last item she had left at mine. It was just a coat, but I gave it to her brother last night.

She's said she won't call anymore, but part of me doesn't believe her. I don't want to have to change my number, it'll cause too many problems & I'd have to lie to people for the reasons of the change.

I could just ignore the calls, that's the easy option, but if I'm honest, because part of me anticipates a call, I get disheartened when the call doesn't come & I wait for it.

Should I call her, and tell her that under no circumstances can she call now & if she cares about me as much as she says she does that to please respect my wishes. I'd also say that if she calls again, there will be consequences i.e I'd tell her boyfriend. It's not a threat, it's just he needs to understand I can't keep doing this.

[love4meNOTu]

Honestly? No I would not call her at all.

It is just another opening for her to hurt you. Just like last time. There is no reasoning with disordered people, it just does not compute.

No contact doesn't help you heal, but it does protect you from further harm from your ex wBPD.

Focus on you if you can, and your healing. Constant ruminations about a situation you can do nothing about is like twisting in the wind. And just prolongs your suffering.

I know where you are, been there. Nothing we can do.

Hugs

L

[Eric1]

It's not calling to create another opening. It's making sure that if she does call again, then there will be conseqeucnes for her actions. It's to prevent her from calling again, because she has done everytime in the past.

[Waifed]

If you really want to move on don't call her and don't answer the phone/text/voicemail if she tries to contact you.  If you want to tell her to stop contacting you wait until she makes contact and tell her then. 

It is a sucky situation that we have gotten ourselves in to.  It hurts and doesn't seem fair but it is what it is.  The only way to heal is to move on, but you must be ready to do so.  I've been 5 months NC and it is still hard.  I never thought it would be at this point and I am pretty disappointed but the alternative of calling her is just not an option for me.  It would be a no win situation and I have no desire to start this process over again.  YOU have to truly be ready to move on.

[love4meNOTu]

It's not calling to create another opening. It's making sure that if she does call again, then there will be conseqeucnes for her actions. It's to prevent her from calling again, because she has done everytime in the past.

Yes, I understand what you are saying, my point is that you cannot talk sense to a disordered person. So you telling her not to contact you that there will be consequences will be turned around in her mind as: "He called me! I've still got him!"

L

[Eric1]

The issue i struggle with is that i expect a phone call. I anticipate it, then when it does come, it makes me sad. On the flip side, when she has called, it gives false hope and messes with my head, so either way, it doesn't work.

I need to know that there wont be anymore phone calls. Whats the best way to go about that without having the change my number?

She said she wants me to be happy, so if i told her that i would be happy if i didn't hear from her again & to actually leave me alone this time, otherwise I'll have to tell her boyfriend.

[love4meNOTu]

You call your provider and block all and any numbers she uses to contact you with.

I've closed email accounts, changed numbers, even moved to get away from toxic exes. I just can't expose myself to more pain from them. My ex has no problem hurting me more and more and more. He would really get off on it. He's just not normal.

L

[Eric1]

I've blocked her number, i'm not on facebook & i've blocked her whatsapp.

She calls using a 'no caller i.d' If that number appears, i know its her. And, its not a case of ignoring, because she's presistant.

[musicfan42]

I've blocked her number, i'm not on facebook & i've blocked her whatsapp.

She calls using a 'no caller i.d' If that number appears, i know its her. And, its not a case of ignoring, because she's presistant.

Stop making excuses Eric.

You can change your number if it's that big of a problem.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

[musicfan42]

Ok, I worded that badly.

What I mean is that this woman is an abusive person and I can see the patterns of an abusive relationship going on from what you say.

She contacts you, then you tell her to work on her issues and you might just take her back, she doesn't like hearing that and then stops contact again and runs back to the other guy... .

and then she contacts you again... .

and so on and so forth...

By even answering the phone calls, the cycle of abuse goes on and on.