just when i start feeling strong, i find out friends are responding to her. Help

[growing_wings]

ahhhh,  this is just a roller coaster, when you think you are getting out of this, a down comes your way... .

just when i was starting to feel stronger, and more independent and stable. I saw my friends are responding and engaging with her. This hurts me... .

why do they target your closest friends? once i read they do that ,so you make sure they hurt you and you see that... .

i struggle with this folks

[Dog biscuit]

It must be somekind of crazyland law that we dont know of.

I experienced the same, hence my withdraw from any social media (except this board). NC works best for me, that way I'm able to protect myself and prepare myself for future hurt when I feel strong enough to get back on social media. Or at least that what I hope for... .

My ex is getting close with my best friend at the moment, it is very frustrating and isolating but I choose to let go for my own sanity.

[growing_wings]

hi Dog biscuit (awsome name btw)... .

thanks for sharing. Indeed, i might have to withdraw from Social media entirely. Iniatially i just clicked "not following" to her friends, but now i see how she is reaching to mine and they are falling for it... so the list of "not following" is just growing. Although i have reduced considerably my social media, it is un-avoidable to find out stuff... .

arggg they take everything away from us... .  

i agree, is much better to stay out of Social media for good. chances of getting exposed to more pain diminish considerably. the issues is i still see my friends, and they will probably tell me stuff, so what to do then? stay away from them?

it takes a LOT to leave an ex... but it takes a LOT x 100000 to leave one that is following your steps, contacting your friends (those she never contacted) and make them fall for her... .

[seeking balance]

ahhhh,  this is just a roller coaster, when you think you are getting out of this, a down comes your way... .

just when i was starting to feel stronger, and more independent and stable. I saw my friends are responding and engaging with her. This hurts me... .

why do they target your closest friends? once i read they do that ,so you make sure they hurt you and you see that... .

i struggle with this folks

I am sorry GW... . I know this hurts.

There was a moment when I asked my ex why she was destroying our lives and she said (in a real moment of clarity I think) I want you to hurt as much as I hurt.  Who says that?  Even more ridiculous is I stayed much longer after that.  Is it a surprise she thinks she is entitled to my friends - not really.

Friends - most people side with an underdog, let's face it -our pwBPD are way better at being the underdog.  They also thrive better in chaos as this is their normal - we are not functioning as ourselves during all this.

I had to let go of a group of friends for my own sanity - that sadness was hard... . but I needed emotionally safe people around me as I really was so raw.  There were friends that stepped up, but they were not the ones I expected to.

I am sorry, I know this hurts   

[love4meNOTu]

It's plain ol' vindictiveness.

My ex husband was the same. He wrote in a letter to my lawyer - she thinks he is a psycho - and in it said that I was not being harmed enough financially for him.

That I was supposed to "help" him start over. Ha ha... . like he was concerned about me starting over? Take care of yourself, most men would be ashamed to even send a letter like that.

Right.

They want us to hurt.

L

[Dog biscuit]

arggg they take everything away from us... .  

i agree, is much better to stay out of Social media for good. chances of getting exposed to more pain diminish considerably. the issues is i still see my friends, and they will probably tell me stuff, so what to do then? stay away from them?

I struggle with this too. I dont know how to resolve it yet. I feel scared to be in touch with my former group of friends because they might tell me stuff I dont know of, and the longer I withdraw from social media and not know what my ex is writing or doing, the scaryer it gets to get in touch with them. It makes me feel insecure and vulnerable towards them because they have info that I have not.

But on the other hand, for me it is better to not know untill I am ready to face painfull information. I have to respect my pace in this, and for now, altough I wish I was, I am not ready to be confronted.

It feels like a catch 22, I loose my social circle and possible validation or support, in order to avoid further hurt. I sometims feel angry at myself for being so passive and vulnerable now, but I have to protect myself.

It is still a big dillema to me, and one I dont know how to resolve.

I think its brave of you to dare to go out there again.

[growing_wings]

guys, thank you ALL for your message... that helps so much.

sounds like we all go through this... . thank you for sharing.

Love4me... Yeah, they seek to hurt us soo deeply , some days she truly manages to achieve that goal.

SB thanks for sharing your experience, and I relate with you,  the friends that i expect to stand are siding with her, and yes, they are expert manipulators to be the underdog. 

Dog biscuit... hang in there... we will both find a way to deal with it. it takes courage and self awareness to understand we need time to get stronger. THis is the real courage... .

[seeking balance]

GW - do you have friends that are totally separate from your ex?

[Perfidy]

Makes little sense. They betray us, desert us, abandon us, yet try to stay attached. Detachment is my choice. Detachment is freedom from care. A kind of abandon that says no matter what I'm ok.

[growing_wings]

GW - do you have friends that are totally separate from your ex?

yes, a small group but i do... . well i need to re-build the friendship as i stopped contact with them (due to her requests and manipulatiions)... .

[seeking balance]

well i need to re-build the friendship as i stopped contact with them (due to her requests and manipulatiions)... .

yeah, I know that too... .

As much as this is hard right now, you really will find out who are really trusted friends and who are friends of convenience for them... . a bitter pill to swallow.