I'm misserable

[Depression = 72% of members]

I'm so tired of being miserable over this. She is all I think about. She called last week baling, telling me she missed me and loved me then the next day it was back to her hurting me and being a complete b!tch. Telling me she doesn't miss me and doesn't love me. Of course I was puppy dogging her.

I think I know what it is. When she left she went way overboard and was completely irrational. We had just moved into a new house, her 5 year just started kindergarden etc... she couldn't be turned or reasoned with and there was no real reason. She wouldn't put the drink down, was on a long adderall run and I couldn't reach her. Somehow she got her family on her side and now she would have to eat too much crow to come back.

Why do I even want her. She humiliated me, caused legal drama. destroyed me in every way. I keep thinking that the girl I loved in behind all this craziness... This is no way to live. who was the person that called a week ago missing me and loving me? I believe that was the real her. I think she has to keep this harden stance because her family will wash their hands if she comes back... Her kids ather was the third person in the marriage. He threatens to take the kid if we she comes back.

I miss her so bad and I think she does too. I'm afraid that she has the ability to stuff it and move forward...

[buddy1226]

I'm so tired of being miserable over this. She is all I think about. She called last week baling, telling me she missed me and loved me then the next day it was back to her hurting me and being a complete b!tch. Telling me she doesn't miss me and doesn't love me. Of course I was puppy dogging her.

I think I know what it is. When she left she went way overboard and was completely irrational. We had just moved into a new house, her 5 year just started kindergarden etc... she couldn't be turned or reasoned with and there was no real reason. She wouldn't put the drink down, was on a long adderall run and I couldn't reach her. Somehow she got her family on her side and now she would have to eat too much crow to come back.

Why do I even want her. She humiliated me, caused legal drama. destroyed me in every way. I keep thinking that the girl I loved in behind all this craziness... This is no way to live. who was the person that called a week ago missing me and loving me? I believe that was the real her. I think she has to keep this harden stance because her family will wash their hands if she comes back... Her kids ather was the third person in the marriage. He threatens to take the kid if we she comes back.

I miss her so bad and I think she does too. I'm afraid that she has the ability to stuff it and move forward...

[irishmarmot]

Hey buddy sorry to hear that.  Seems that you are having a rough time.  I am too so I can relate.  The less contact the better for me and I am feeling a lot better and soon my ex will be an unpleasant memory.   Yours too.  Just hang in there.

[Johnny Alias]

Hang in there man. These are the BAD times. Truly.

You need to hear this. It would not have gotten better. This isn't due to your short comings. Besides the BPD she's also got alcoholism and pill addictions. Put together you're looking at a situation where the most competent therapists out there would have MAJOR difficulty helping her... . Even if she wanted it which is very very doubtful.

I know what it's like. I've been here before multiple times unfortunately. I've been attracted to the same women for years and BPD and NPD are like magnets to me.

Get a therapist soon. You're gonna have to cut off the spigot eventually with her too. Full bore NC. Not even a word through a mutual friend.  Sooner the better. Every time this reconnection happens you press the reset button on your recovery.

I highly recommend Xanax. Some might disagree, but if you take it when the OCD thinking about her hits extreme levels you need something to stop it and I don't mean booze.

I don't want to hurt you here... . But she will move on and probably sooner than later. If she's truly BPD you will be painted black or worse put into a love triangle.

Save yourself man. She'll destroy you.

[buddy1226]

Thanks guys. I made the mistake of calling her. She has been on my mind so hard all day. she could hardly talk and crying. Sounded like she took a bunch of her klonopins. She managed to tell me she tried to kill herself by sitting in her car while it was running in her garage. I don't know what's going on. She doesn't want to talk to me. Maybe this is what happens when they are alone?... I get the impression that her attempted replacement has blown her off. I don't know.

[Johnny Alias]

These "suicide attempts" are more often than not a cry for attention IMO. She's trying to reel you back in.

I'm broke. I have no place to stay. I got arrested. He hit me. Blah blah blah.

These are their choices. All of them!   

She's trying to reel you back in. There are other people she can call if she hasn't chased them away.

My two cents. She's a wounded rabid dog that if you take back in will heal and then still take off a finger... . Because she's rabid. It's in her nature to attack, manipulate, and use the people she professes to love.

At best you could call up a relative and let them know what she did if it really happened. That should relieve any guilt and it won't be your problem anymore.

If you want a real life free of drama and constantly devoting yourself to fixing someone who does not WANT to be fixed then go No Contact, get therapy, and start seeing other women.

If she's hot I get it. I really really do. But those looks will fade and all the anger she throws at you will remain.

[shellsh0cked]

These "suicide attempts" are more often than not a cry for attention IMO. She's trying to reel you back in.

I'm broke. I have no place to stay. I got arrested. He hit me. Blah blah blah.

These are their choices. All of them!  

She's trying to reel you back in. There are other people she can call if she hasn't chased them away.

My two cents. She's a wounded rabid dog that if you take back in will heal and then still take off a finger... . Because she's rabid. It's in her nature to attack, manipulate, and use the people she professes to love.

At best you could call up a relative and let them know what she did if it really happened. That should relieve any guilt and it won't be your problem anymore.

If you want a real life free of drama and constantly devoting yourself to fixing someone who does not WANT to be fixed then go No Contact, get therapy, and start seeing other women.

If she's hot I get it. I really really do. But those looks will fade and all the anger she throws at you will remain.

I keep thinking you and I dated the same girl Johnny... . The "suicide attempts" are exactly what you say.  They are nothing but ploys for attention.  Period.  Mine pulled one by taking some anxiety medication her sister gave her along with some alcohol.  Went off somewhere alone to "die" and then decided to go to her sister's house because she found some reason to live... . Almost got her sister in trouble because she had to tell the paramedics she had gotten the drugs from her... . she could have went to jail for it.  I'm sure that never even crossed her mind either since it was all about her.  Wound her up in the hospital with $1500 bill (that of course she never paid). She once told me that she had only tried to kill herself like 8 times... . only... . "that's not too many times is it?".  No $hit... . she actually said that.  Not kidding.  If she REALLY wanted to die?  She could succeed.  

And he is also right... . these are HER choices she is making.  

Point is, it is just what Johnny said.  She is just reeling you back in... . trying to keep you worrying about her so that she has "something" to hold onto.  You're just the sucker of the day is all... . If it wasn't you, it would be someone else... . and it will be.  And she'll forget all about you while you're struggling in the personal HELL she left you with.  She's just manipulating you now.  That's what they do... . been doing it probably their entire lives.  

And yeah... . Johnny my ex wasn't all that beautiful in the face, but she had a body that wouldn't quit, and the sex was fantastic.  This is how I really got snared.  That and the fact that we were pretty close friends and had dated in the past.  I was really hung up on her back then too... . I let that dog bite me twice.  The second bite was WAY worse though.  Nothing good can come of staying (or going back to) a borderline.

[buddy1226]

Yeah, she is full of sh!t. My dad committed suicide and I know tht people that do that do not talk about it.

I blasted her. I let it all out and it felt good.

She is hot johnny but not the end all, be all. As we say down South "the juice ain't worth the squeeze"

I appreciate the feedback guys. I needed that!

[Johnny Alias]

GOOD.  That is all the closure you are going to get from her.  EVER.  Now let her go.  Go full NC... . and when I say that brother you have to BLOCK her phone calls, texts, emails, fb messages, and when mutual friends say she wants to talk you tell them I DONT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT HER.  If you see her out ignore her.  If she insists on talking be polite, but disengage IMMEDIATELY. 

Do this.  She isn't fixable.  You're going to try and understand her over the next few months, but she is a dysfunctional person with a disordered mind.  Half the people on here try to understand why Cluster B's do what they do... . but half time Cluster B's DONT EVEN KNOW WHY THEY DO WHAT THEY DO!  How can you hope to?

Make a list of things she did wrong to you.  It will be lengthy.  Refer to it when you get down.  See the therapist.  Get the script for xanax or anti depressants if you NEED it due to the OCD thinking. 

Make a list of all the stuff you need to get done in your life.  Goals, dreams, anything.  Right now I'm remodeling rooms in my house and plan on putting on 10 pounds of muscle in next three months.  These are things I COULDNT DO with my ex because she consumed SO much of my energy.  I'm even going to set my dog up do to volunteer work visiting kids in hospitals.  None of this would be possible if she was still around and I was chauffering her to the next party, nursing our hangovers, taking care of her when she's sick, fixing her finance and computer issues, calming her down over whoever she's HATING on this week... .

They are vampires.  Sorry people.  They are takers not givers.  In the beginning they might have been and then BAM!  Nothin.  Sucking away at your blood. 

[buddy1226]

Johnny, we have the same ex... I must have been your replacement... ... Good words, my friend. I plan to do ll of this as soon s I can begin to recover financially. I let her do a number on me big time.

[shellsh0cked]

Johnny, we have the same ex... I must have been your replacement... ... Good words, my friend. I plan to do ll of this as soon s I can begin to recover financially. I let her do a number on me big time.

I think we all did... . her name start with M?  

GOOD advice on the NC man.  I kept a journal to write my feelings out and anytime I missed her I read some of the $hit in there that she did to me... . that I ALLOWED her to do to me.  Also, Johnny I can relate to the lack of time... . I tried to just keep fires out.  All the time man.  She consumed all my time... . my energy and I isolated myself horribly just to keep fires out... .

[mini_vanilli]

All great advice except the Xanax... . my exBPD was totally addicted to it and it destroys you inside and out. You think you have problems now, start taking Xanax and you'll look back to these as the good old days.

[Johnny Alias]

All great advice except the Xanax... . my exBPD was totally addicted to it and it destroys you inside and out. You think you have problems now, start taking Xanax and you'll look back to these as the good old days.

I understand what you're saying.  It is a VERY abusable drug.  However, if you take it sporadically when things are just overwhelming you it can get you over the hump.  Much better than alcohol or weed in my mind.  A lot of people will say gym, breathing, yoga, meditation, which are all great... . except when they aren't enough and you are having trouble functioning at say... . YOUR JOB. 

This is where I was.  A half a xanax once or twice a week helped me greatly when my idle mind threatened to overwhelm me.