The good stuff

[MissTajo]

We talk a lot in the forum about what makes us mad about our BPD's.

But this is also the L5, Staying, so we now we love them and care for them.

What makes you still love them, after all they put you trough?

What is there is their personality that makes you want them and fight this battle with them?

What are the positive aspects of your relationship?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[tabular]

Mine still hasn't come back to me, but we'll see how things are next week …

What I like about him:

He is funny, caring, incredibly smart and hard working, he makes me laugh and there is no better place to be in than in his arms. We can relax together, work together and also go out together and I feel this incredible connection with him as if he really is my other half. We can be in a room full of people, but I only ever see him and feel like there is no-one else in this room who 'gets' me as much as he does. I trust him completely in terms of cheating etc.

So… if only he would not 'switch' every now and again and it could always be like this

[MissTajo]

Mine still hasn't come back to me, but we'll see how things are next week …

What I like about him:

He is funny, caring, incredibly smart and hard working, he makes me laugh and there is no better place to be in than in his arms. We can relax together, work together and also go out together and I feel this incredible connection with him as if he really is my other half.

that is beautiful... .  

Where is he?... .

[tabular]

He dumped me before Christmas… but I told him recently that I don't want to be over him and I want him back, and he said that he is busy focussing on a project until next Monday and added a sad face '  ' at the end of his message. No idea what that means. He did not say 'yes', or 'no', not even a 'maybe', just that he 'cant do anything or be with anyone until the project finishes  ' I guess I'll have to wait and see.

[MissTajo]

He dumped me before Christmas… but I told him recently that I don't want to be over him and I want him back, and he said that he is busy focussing on a project until next Monday and added a sad face '  ' at the end of his message. No idea what that means. He did not say 'yes', or 'no', not even a 'maybe', just that he 'cant do anything or be with anyone until the project finishes  ' I guess I'll have to wait and see.

Unless he is finding the cure for cancer I dont know what kind of project would keep someone so busy they cant find sometime to be with the ones they love

Didn't that answer he gave you upset you?

Did you knew the ending was coming?

[tabular]

I don't know if I knew it was coming… it was quite sudden in the sense that he had tantrums before and I would leave and he'd run after me or do something that would make me come back. But then one day he ran after me, begged me back, professed undying love, and then dumped me 5 hours later.

I have no idea about his message and am getting tired of trying to interpret it. He has a lot on his plate and he is like this in that he dedicates all his attention to work when he has a deadline and I completely understand and respect that. I think his answer means that he doesn't want to think about it or make any decision until he is done and can think with a clear head. Doesn't help me much, but oh well… I'll wait and see.

[MissTajo]

  I hope you get your answers so you can move on with or without him.

[pixiecat]

Thanks for posting this   Together with some posts I read in 'Workshops', it gave me a lot to think about today.  I need to spend some time doing work tonight, but will come back to this.

[MissTajo]

Thanks for posting this   Together with some posts I read in 'Workshops', it gave me a lot to think about today.  I need to spend some time doing work tonight, but will come back to this.

 please do

[Greenmeadow]

What makes you still love them, after all they put you trough?

What is there is their personality that makes you want them and fight this battle with them?

What are the positive aspects of your relationship?

Thanks MissTajo, this is a lovely idea. Hmmm... .

I still love them, because I love the person who he is and the fact that although I may be struggling some days, I'm sure it pales in comparision to the inner turmoil he goes through ever day.

I'm happy to fight this battle with him, becuase this illness is not all that he is. He deserves to have a wonderful, amazing and full life and if I can do anything to help this I will.

The positive aspects of our relationship... . well we laugh every single day together, we love just being together and he makes me want to be the best person I could ever be.



This sounds so silly doesn't it?

[MissTajo]

What makes you still love them, after all they put you trough?

What is there is their personality that makes you want them and fight this battle with them?

What are the positive aspects of your relationship?

Thanks MissTajo, this is a lovely idea. Hmmm... .

I still love them, because I love the person who he is and the fact that although I may be struggling some days, I'm sure it pales in comparision to the inner turmoil he goes through ever day.

I'm happy to fight this battle with him, becuase this illness is not all that he is. He deserves to have a wonderful, amazing and full life and if I can do anything to help this I will.

The positive aspects of our relationship... . well we laugh every single day together, we love just being together and he makes me want to be the best person I could ever be.



This sounds so silly doesn't it?

Not silly, at all. Sounds beautiful to me . Thank you.

[MissyM]

This is an important topic.  It is easy to forget what is lovable about a BPD when they are disregulated.  My dBPDh is regulating himself again, so the things I love about him are easier to identify.  I think he is funny, caring, intelligent, emotional and really loves our family.  I think it is hard to remember that when he is disregulated because all that presents then is anger and self-pity.  All of the good stuff gets set aside during those times.  Hoping to see more of the positive in our relationship for a bit.