New to this board

[Samuel S.]

Hello, fellow nonBPDs. I have been with my BPDw for almost 13 years with the many ups and downs. We've done counseling together and separately. She has been verbally and emotionally abusive, but she has at least temporarily stopped for the time being, but she has been neglectful for the past couple of years. Due to her being happier by attending a university out of town 3 days a week, she then returns to study for several days and goes to work. So, I am without her most of each week. This will be going on for 3 more years. In the meantime, I've been teaching, tutoring, giving workshops, and writing books. I would give a lot of my stuff up, if she and I could have a marriage. So, along with feeling alone and angry, I am patient, but I feel a void in my personal life. Also, due to being abused and neglected, I am having difficulty forgiving and trusting her. I have been tempted to fall in love with some loving, attentive women, but that would be wrong and complicating. I just immerse myself in my own joy and daily in bad comfort food. So, I've been staying- hoping.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[an0ught]

  Samuel to the board,

we welcome experienced posters! As you probably know it already but for the benefit of you (and all the lurkers  ) here are the key points on Staying:

Read the LESSONS

- avoid invalidation

- validate

- use boundaries to protect your interests

- care for yourself well. This is a marathon

- understand the relationship dynamic, the part we control and how to get better at that

- heal from abuse

- build a healthier life