I may as well have broke NC

[buddy1226]

So my ex broke NC last week and she came over and ended up spending the night. We have a CDV case coming up where she made false charges and I recorded us that night without her knowing. There is but a two minute segment of the three hour recording where she admits the charges are false. The rest is us laughing, having sex, crying and her telling me about some new guy she met and has been hanging out with.

I had to listen to it today to hear what I had before getting it to my lawyer. It was weird listening to us. We were not us or at least not us as I remember. I was a complete dork honestly. I talked way too much and was giddy that she was here. My thing was always that I babied her and adored her and it was way overkill here. Especially for someone who represents the devil himself in my life. I have to justify to my friends that I only had her here to get the recording but we all know that's BS.

Of course hearing this set me back. The thing with the guy. She described them doing all the things I liked and wanted us to do like cooking and eating dinner, watching movies like normal couples. Things we were never able to do because she was jacked on adderall and walking around the house with her beer being a total c*** bag. It hurts like hell to think that's what's going on. Honestly I don't buy it either. I think she made most of it up.

We have recycled many times and these first meetings are usually great. This one was not. She was cold and hurtful. This was prompted by her calling from a restricted number crying, drunk and telling me she loved and missed me. Her tune changed when she got here and she said the one good thing about her coming here is that she sees it's not there anymore. Of course this hurts too because I think she can talk herself into believing that. She was very different. It was hard to muster up affection or her.

I should have played her cooler like any normal man would have. Instead I was a puppy dog and she was aloof and cool. I guess the girl I adored is gone forever. I wonder is she comes back for the new guy.

Doesn't love entail respect? I don't respect her. I despise her and everything she is about and I did when I was with her. So why do these things hurt? Shouldn't I be thanking God she is gone?

She owns me it seems. This has become my life to the exclusion of everything else. Even when I am NC talking about her keeps the connection alive. Yes I know, I need to get back in the gym, fix up my place and focus on work but it just doesn't seem as meaningful without her. I don't feel like dating. I just don't right now. The thought of going through the motions on a date with someone I could give two sh!ts about while I'm really longing for my ex seems like a miserable experience.

It's as if being with her and tolerating the BS is better than being without her.

This sounds crazy, I know and it's a step backwards from my "Get Real" post yesterday. Someone said that progress often comes in two steps forward and one step backwards... or something like that. I'll snap out of it and tomorrow is a new day... I miss her though. I'd be lying if I said I didn't.

[santa]

Yeah. I think having sex with her would qualify as breaking no contact.

[buddy1226]

I meant listening to the recording today.

[santa]

I meant listening to the recording today.

LOL

No. That probably wouldn't count then.

[love4meNOTu]

hey buddy...

Well, I think that an opportunity to see the real person behind our suppositions is a gift.

I saw the "real" man when he was raging at me. I knew that I had to get away from him. End of story. I did what I had to do to escape.

You have a choice here, to let her continue to manipulate you, or to remove yourself from the equation.

I know how much pain you are in, how cruel they seem, how unfeeling. I hope now is the time for you to take care of you. Glad you got the tape, not sure how it's going to play out, but if it's vindication you needed for the false DV charges then good for you.

Her one last gift to you. Take it and run.

Hugs,

L

[Murbay]

I saw the "real" man when he was raging at me. I knew that I had to get away from him. End of story. I did what I had to do to escape.

I remember my T telling me the same thing when I said I just wanted things back to the way they were without the anger and nastiness. His take was that the anger, nastiness and coldness is reality of someone who lacks empathy. The nice things are just mirrors and manipulation.

Buddy, you should take your experience as a wake up call. A reminder of how things really were when you weren't enmeshed and look at it as a positive because you now have an insight you didn't have when you started on your journey towards healing.

The wonderful times you remember were there to stop you from abandoning her. As she already has a replacement, you are an extra right now so you do get to see more of the reality.

[Johnny Alias]

Come on man. You know better than to compare yourself to the new guy.

When you first met her you were confident and strong. She was attracted to that and was on her BEST BEHAVIOR. You guys did many fun things too. You did. Just like they're doing.

The bad crap will come to him. It's only a matter of time. She's also giving you the highlight reel. Remember that.

Even if they get married... . And I throw that out there because it's always a possibility, there will NOT be a happy ending. There won't be. You know this.

I say it because I suspect it will happen to my ex soon. Seriously. But look what she did to her last husband... . Cheated on him for a year... . WITH ME... . And then cleaned his clock in the divorce.

There's a brave soul I read about on these boards yesterday. 20 years married... . And found out she was screwing around on him the whole time!  20 YEARS! 

There is no happy ending for you this guy whoever. This is the honeymoon phase. Period. It ends.

Don't talk to her again. Ever. It's killing your soul. You're a good man and she doesn't care about you or anyone. Only what she can get out of the moment!

Go easy. Don't beat yourself up. But don't talk to her again. Block everything. Do it because you love yourself.

[buddy1226]

Ok... I did block her today. I've held off on that because I wanted to se when/if she would call. I did something crazy though. I'm laughing as I write this.

I got the dude's number and shot him a text. Something along the lines of how he may want to two ply it because she's been passed around a lot and slept with me last week. I said he my want to take a peek at her criminal record as well. I then told him "you're welcome".

He played dumb at first then blasted me for being a pathetic loser for sending a stranger a text insulting my wife. After I gave him an eff you I told him he'd than me later if he had a brain in his head. I have to admit, I did feel like a pathetic loser after he blasted me.

It was immature, lacked couth, and got on her level, I know. She has done a lot and the whole sick thing was a game. I can't help but want to fight back and take her down.

I also know that if I give her enough rope she'll hang herself. Let's be clear. The thinking that is running her life is the same one that has been a train wreck forever.

Give me feedback, please. I need it.

It's a pretty day here. think I'll get out and get some exercise, se some new faces.

[Murbay]

Hey buddy,

I will give you feedback but not so sure you will like it.

I completely understand the reasons why you sent the text and what you hoped to accomplish by what you did. However, the issue that plays with me is the false charges your ex has filed against you.

The last thing you need to be doing is putting yourself in a position where she can use it as evidence against you, such as harassment, because your replacement is in idealisation phase right now and will take her side.

My ex showed me an email she received when we first started dating. It was from a married man professing his undying love for her. Rather than question why he was sending that or believing she was at fault for anything, I simply saw a sad man who was causing her trouble and felt I needed to protect her more. She got the desired result and as I found out at the end of the r/s, I was his replacement.

Whatever you send to your ex's replacement right now, might draw him closer to her, put you in a bad light and even backfire when there are charges against you. What you don't need is for him to be talked into filing charges too.

You know how the cycle will play out, we all know how the cycle will play out so it's best to take that step back and carry on along your own personal journey of healing. The day will come where you will be much stronger and happier and the day will come when your replacement finds himself in the position you are in right now. He isn't going to listen to anything you have to say right now, but one day what you have said, might help him on his path towards healing.

Now that's done, it's probably better for you to lay low, step back from the dysfunction and work towards a healthier you 

[buddy1226]

I appreciate it murbray. We text back and forth a few more times and got deeper into the situation. He isn't a replacement but someone she met and overplayed him to me. He assured me that he had no desire to be with her and I actually believe him. He apologized for my situation and seemed cool.

I know I can't chase down every potential replacement and get in their ear. This was a guy she came over and played him up to me.

Who thinks I should go NC?... . Johnny?... haha! I am... I effing hate her though and want the world to know what a piece if trash she really is. This game of hers is really good. She's not high functioning but you think she is at first.