Growing emotional strength and resilience?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I saw this article and wonder how applicable it is over here on the leaving board. Do we build emotional strength and resilience after a relationship has ended? How does that happen? What helped you get over past breakups and what is different about your BPD relationship versus other past relationships? Or are you repeating similar patterns as in the past?

Here's the link to the article: You should fall for someone who doesn't love you.


Dear moderators, I'd like to ask that this topic remain on the leaving board and not get moved to the reviews. The article is just a starting point for the topic at hand, not the main focus of the discussion I'd like to develop.

[Learning_curve74]

I saw this article and wonder how applicable it is over here on the leaving board. Do we build emotional strength and resilience after a relationship has ended? How does that happen? What helped you get over past breakups and what is different about your BPD relationship versus other past relationships? Or are you repeating similar patterns as in the past?

Here's the link to the article: You should fall for someone who doesn't love you.


Dear moderators, I'd like to ask that this topic remain on the leaving board and not get moved to the reviews. The article is just a starting point for the topic at hand, not the main focus of the discussion I'd like to develop.

[arn131arn]

Great article LC,

"Here’s the best part, though, about getting over someone who doesn’t love you: you realize that nobody healed your heartache, that you were able to fix yourself all on your own. And once you’ve proven to yourself that you can recover from that, you won’t be afraid to go looking for love again."

This paragraph really stands out at me.  It kind of feel this is where I am getting closer and closer to. I am not there yet, but ya'll people on the sidelines have cups of water filled for me.

I think my ex may have done me a favor with 40+ recycles... . my ability to get over grief is like a superheros.  The only thing left is custody with my son, then all emotional ties are severed.  I got to admit, I LOVE doing whatever the hell I want.  I LOVE not having to "check-in" to see what's going on and if she needs me to pick up the milk on the way home.

I gonna continue to run... . run for the freedom I deserve, and run for the happiness at the end.  Run into my beautiful baby boy's arms one day... . so, yes, if I have hope for a better future for myself, and I can see the exact nature of my wrongs, and be true to myself, and become a better man through this pain, then it should be a prerequisite to graduate high school and everyone in the world should ecperience it... .

[growing_wings]

my fav part is also the same as Arn... .

"Here’s the best part, though, about getting over someone who doesn’t love you: you realize that nobody healed your heartache, that you were able to fix yourself all on your own. And once you’ve proven to yourself that you can recover from that, you won’t be afraid to go looking for love again."

yes, before my r/s with pwBPD, i kind of expected someone else to help me heal, to do the hard work for me and with me... . to help me go through the rough patches, and during the honeymoon stage, i was so sure i found this person, but noone can do that other than myself.

I know now, that i am responsible for myself, and i need to heal myself, and get up by myself. if i find challenges i need to go through them myself, i cant expect someone else to walk them with me. If i have compasssion from others, i welcome it, but i cant expect them to walk with me. Is my job.

thanks for sharing