Very Depressed This Morning

[Turkish]

Maybe it's how empty the house seems now, though her stuff is piled in one room, pretty much. The painting helped, but clearing the walls to do that, it looks even more empty. Took all of the pics that we had of hers down. Put some up my mom gave me which are nice. Kept one painting that I got, a nice oil on canvas. Bright and cheerful.

I'm doing contrasting colors, so it will look very nice, I think. Moved my bed around, so at least it looks like a different room. Need to do another few touch ups tonight (I'll re-roll to save time) to get some light spots that appeared after it dried. Then I can clean up for the kids' arrival Wed night. Even with my rock and or roll music blasting, it just feels to empty. I almost feel like selling and moving, but that is a hassle I don't want to deal with. Besides, that is running like she has done. I'll slowly change and take back what is mine. Now to learn to do it on the inside. Sorry if I posted this somewhere else... . I've felt scattered and unfocused today, though being at work helped a bit.

[Johnny Alias]

Man I know how that goes.  Just had my bedroom repainted and replaced a bunch of stuff to get rid of HER memories.  It really helped.  Feels like mine now. 

Empty houses suck.  I know the feeling.  She took just about everything with her when she left.  I had thrown away a ton of furniture in favor of hers.  MISTAKE.  Felt like I was living in a warehouse which made everything worse. 

Youre taking positive steps.  It must be done.  Even though it sometimes takes a Herculean effort you feel better for it when its finished. 

Might I ask why ANY of her stuff is in your home?  I'd probably tell her to get it or its going in the rubbish pile but that's me. 

[seeking balance]

I'm doing contrasting colors, so it will look very nice, I think. Moved my bed around, so at least it looks like a different room. Need to do another few touch ups tonight (I'll re-roll to save time) to get some light spots that appeared after it dried. Then I can clean up for the kids' arrival Wed night. Even with my rock and or roll music blasting, it just feels to empty. I almost feel like selling and moving, but that is a hassle I don't want to deal with. Besides, that is running like she has done. I'll slowly change and take back what is mine. Now to learn to do it on the inside. Sorry if I posted this somewhere else... . I've felt scattered and unfocused today, though being at work helped a bit.

I painted right away too, rearranged, but I remember that empty feeling too.  I also remember wanting to sell, etc but telling myself the logical thing is to stay put, not make too many changes too fast, etc.

That scattered, unfocused fuzzy feeling lasted a little bit - but I had moments of clarity too.  It really and truly will pass.  Now that the "chaos" of her leaving is done - the calm really feels weird.

Hang in there Turk, this stuff is hard work - but you are doing it!

Peace,

SB

[Turkish]

I  have to be careful, JA,  as we are still working out the custody,  though it isn't like she is going to fight for majority custody or anything.  I'll tell her  Sat when she comes over to use whatever time she needs to get  ALL  of what she wants out,  I'll stay and watch the kids if she needs multiple trips.  it even sucks that she'll see the changes I've made,  because I  did them for me. I  think at some point in the future we may be some form of friends,  but she needs to detach from me.  at least she didn't feel the need to converse last night,  it was just me on speaker phone with the kids.  The " how are you?"  while polite,  bugs me.

Thanks, sb,  for sharing I'm not alone,  and reminding me to stay logical.