Hi Cloudy Days,
it is usually not good idea to surprise a pwBPD. PwBPD are highly sensitive and giving surprising food to eat is somehow crossing a boundary. You may feel that you dealt with him squarely but for whatever reason e.g. not listening carefully your H felt different. It is not surprising that your husband was irritated and upset... .
My husband after awhile says to me, you deceived me. You told me this was like my Juice and it's not. You betrayed me, you deceived me. I said in order to deceive someone you have to be doing it on purpose. He says exactly you deceived me and tricked me to drink that stuff. All I said is that I thought he might like it better than yogurt because it was more shake like. It says on the bottle Milk culture shake. Anyways, this is nit picking I just am so sick of being called something I am not.
So when your evil plot was exposed he did complain. He was not choosy with his words. But then, what happened looks very much like JADE - Justify, Argue, Defend and Explain. A more effective strategy would have been accepting that you surprised him, he got dysregulated and was leashing out. You can focus on helping to regulate his emotions and may want to apologize for not perfectly informing him. That would have done a lot to end the drama right there and may have led to a constructive exchange of expectations with respect to food and surprises preventing further upset.
I get this too. My husband has terrible stomach problems, like I said. And he doesn't really eat that healthy, he likes junk food just like anyone else. Anyways, any time he gets a stomach ache right after he eats. He starts saying that he believes I have been poisoning him. I told him if he really believes that then he can cook his own food. Also if he's in a mood and knows he's not being the nicest of people, he will ask me if I did something to his food or drink when I hand it to him. He says that since he worked in the food service business for so long he knows what people do when they are upset to customers food.
Continuous digesting problems can be a significant drain on everything and should be investigated by a doctor. Digestive problems interfere with absorption of trace elements and can affect the mood and is associated with depression. Fermenting digestion in the wrong area of the gut can cause poisoning like symptoms (upset stomach, reflux, nausea, headache). There is a fair amount of undiagnosed sub-clinical carbohydrate malabsorption in the population which due to the high fructose & lactose content can be causing significant problems in individuals. As digestion is a process that extends a long time period it is very hard to figure it all out without professional help. Tests for lactose and fructose digestion problems are simple but they take time so doctors may be reluctant to do them.
