I'm trying... BUT

[FigureIt]

I am trying to be strong and understanding.  I am trying to validate.  I am trying to not let him bother me... .

BUT... .

I am sick and tired of being ignored or not spoken to when we are home or my texts ignored.  (His son comes over & spends the night and he can talk to him.)  Or he can text to best friend about sports all night.

I am irritated that I have to state where & when I go somewhere (all my somewheres are for physical therapy appts., dog training, child's music lessons, grocery shopping)  and even in some instances show proof.  When he just comes & goes as he wants.

I am exhausted that everything is stress!

I want Joy!  Happiness!  Companionship!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[elemental]

Maybe some time for self care?

Go hang out with a friend, see your family... go see a film, do something for yourself? Can you think of some things that will help dilute this so you can feel refreshed some?

And boy do I totally get your feelings. Having them myself today. boyfriend is talking to me now, but is clearly not happy with me. I am going to remove myself and go buy a book and some groceries. Couple hours should clear my head some.

[123Phoebe]

Hey Ycul

Hmm, I can hear your frustration and irritation... .

Being understanding and validating isn't all there is to it, ya know?  Of course things are going to bother you!  In any relationship, BPD or not there will be things that don't sit right with us.  If your bf suspects that you're all stressed out, yet won't leave him for whatever reason, or you're looking at him to provide that happy place inside of YOU, you can probably count on more of the same from him.

I am irritated that I have to state where & when I go somewhere (all my somewheres are for physical therapy appts., dog training, child's music lessons, grocery shopping)  and even in some instances show proof.  When he just comes & goes as he wants.

Do you have to state where and when you go somewhere and sometimes show proof?  What would happen if you didn't?

[FigureIt]

If I don't tell him, I'm accused of being unfaithful. (I had an orientation for a dog training class Sunday night.  I needed him to be here cuz my daughter came home from her dad's b4 I would get home. He first said he might be here until I showed him the email of where I had to be... . ) it's just bs that he can take off and drink for 8hrs or play racquetball yet I am accused of being unfaithful.  Which I never have. 2 men in my life, my uBPDbf and a narcissistic ex-husband is 2 more than I need, why would I look for another... . I'm already "crazy"

[FigureIt]

I don't expect him to make me happy, I'm just exhausted from the silence... . Especially when I see that he doesn't act that way with his kids.

[waverider]

If I don't tell him, I'm accused of being unfaithful.

At the end of the day that is his problem. If he told you the moon was made of cheese, you wouldn't need to convince him otherwise. You don't have to prove anything to anyone.

[123Phoebe]

If I don't tell him, I'm accused of being unfaithful. (I had an orientation for a dog training class Sunday night.  I needed him to be here cuz my daughter came home from her dad's b4 I would get home.

Could you have made other arrangements for your daughter?  Have her dropped off at dog orientation or at a friends/family member's until you could pick her up?  Something where you're not relying on (needing) your bf to be a part of the equation at this/that particular time?

It's taken total independence on my part for my partner to 'get it' that I'm not here because I need to be, but because I desire to be... .   I choose to be.  And I don't choose to be disrespected or made the fool.  I wouldn't stick around for that.  I walked away when it got to be too much.  I can take care of myself.  It's not a matter of acting all tough or wishing they'd be this way or do that... .   It's being true to who you are... .  

Who are you minus your boyfriend?  Maybe try and really nurture those parts of yourself.

[FigureIt]

Thanx Phoebe... . Next time I will make other arrangements for my daughter.

I moved 45min away from my parents, who are always willing to help, to buy a house with my bf. sometimes I could kick myself for doing that. I used to live 15min. away. Before moving my bf promised me how he'd be there to help with my daughter and all the family stuff. Boy was I snowed!

[FigureIt]

These days minus my bf, I'm probably a lot happier & friendlier.

I feel like his sadness & silence drags me down. I know, I'm allowing it.

[misneach]

Boy does this ring true. Even when I show proof he still accuses and I've never been unfaithful to anyone. He also comes and goes as he chooses. Phoebe made a good point. I allow fear to rule me far too often. It's easier to give in than to fight but that helps nothing just builds up more resentment. He isn't my jailer or my father; he is my husband and I am no ones property but my own.

I need to remember that more. I don't need him. I can make it without him but something in me is afraid to push too hard; to assert myself too much no matter how angry or exhausted I get. I know it is my fear of being alone.

I also need to declare my independence. Thanks for the reminder, Phoebe.