Your best example of paranoia

[IsItHerOrIsItMe]

When I talk to my brother-in-law of my uBPDw this one always cracks him up . 

If we can't laugh at things occasionally we'll go mad... . so how about any other examples... .

I work in a small professional office.  It's mostly Dr offices, so the handicapped spaces are always in use.  About a year ago I noticed someone, obviously an employee since it was every day, would park right next to the handicapped spots, and take 2 spots.

Now I usually park at the back of the lot, but I started parking next to the new car, also not observing the lines so that I could get close to the car.

Sure enough after a couple days that car started parking at the back of the lot.  It still took two spaces, but there was plenty of room back there.  So now I'm parking near the H spots, but I figure I'm freeing up one space in the big picture.

I mentioned it to my wife once and didn't think anything of it.

A few weeks later I saw the owner of the car and it was a woman.  I mentioned that to my wife as well and that I was surprised since IMO it's usually men who go out of their way to protect their cars like that.

All of a sudden she would speak of my 'relationship' with this woman.  It was one more example she would use of my "secret life" that she doesn't know about. 

I explained that if the woman thought anything of me it was probably that I was a jerk... . but that didn't stop the regular argument about my hidden relationship.

She out-did herself a few months later, after she picked me up for lunch.  You see, both me and the woman backed our cars into our respective spots.  Our cars were facing each other!  She brought that up a few times, but could never answer when I tried to nail down why that made any difference.

Anyway, I've told my brother in law that if I ever have to commit my wife, that's the story I'll tell... .

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[Cloudy Days]

The other day my husband was without his phone, I took his phone to the store to get it fixed and then went strait home. At home all day he told me he was hoping that I would know he was out of his food he usually eats and that I should have Known to go get some more for him. Not because he told me to get more, but because if I loved him, I would just know. And since I didn't stop and get him his food, then I must be cheating on him. Because If I really loved him I would have super human powers and would be able to read his mind. And since I don't love him then I must be cheating on him. 

At one point I told him if I did go get him his food like he had wanted he would probably have accused me of cheating on him anyways because he would say I went to the store to see my make believe boyfriend and me getting his juice like he wanted would just be me feeling guilty about something I did to him. He agreed with this statement, he would have. So Dammed if I do Dammed if I don't.

It would have been so much easier for him to just ask me to go get him his food when I got home. I would have done it without question.

[Wrongturn1]

Okay, back in fall 2012, uBPDw became annoyed with me b/c I had forgotten my cell phone once when I went to the store, then soon after, I was working in the basement and left my phone upstairs, missing her phone call.  She angrily asked me to do a better job of keeping my phone on me at all times so that she could get in touch with me always immediately.  In an attempt to please her, I started making sure I had my phone in my pocket before leaving the house or getting out of the car.

Fast forward about a week... . uBPDw: "I've noticed the way you keep hiding your phone all the time by keeping it in your pocket and always having it with you when you go somewhere.  That makes me feel like you're either cheating on me now or you're about to be!"  Followed by lots of other dysregulated blather.   

Holy cow, that will teach me to listen to her concerns and comply with her requests (*sarcasm*)!