"Call your mother for her bday"

[itsnotme]

That's the text I received from her ex-husband. Who btw was sexually and emotionally abusive to me for years! This all took place during work. How he has my number, no idea. I guess she gave it to him. I did respond, I know I shouldn't but it got me so mad.


My text bk

I sent her a card... . more then she did for mine. I'm not playing her games anymore. Too much bullhit. Life's short and I don't have the time to fight about everything.

All he wrote bk was ok

But still this anger is building inside. The guilt is kicking in.   :'(



I shouldn't call right? Please tell me I'm not wrong

[Moonbeam77]

It must have been very uncomfortable to her from your mother's ex husband.  I think sending a card is more than enough.

[PleaseValidate]

DO NOT CALL! It will bring you down and you don't need that. A card is more than enough.

[StarStruck]

I agree with the PV and MB77. Don't call... what the hell is he doing with your number, infuriating  . No way don't call. As you go on you will feel more and more comfortable putting up the boundaries you need. It's a really difficult thing for us to action but keep practicing. Remember this is YOUR life.  

[Sitara]

The guilt trips are so stressful.  I have not done anything for my mom's birthday the last two years, and I feel horrible about it - the last thing you need in a situation like that is more guilt.  However, it's still better for me to not do anything than to stay involved in her life.  It's not my first choice but it's what is best for me.  You only need to do what you want to do.  You sent a card, you don't need to call. Especially if she's breaking your trust by giving your number to someone who you didn't want to have it.  I'm so sorry that text made you feel worse.

[redroom]

I get those from so many people around the holidays, even my birthday.  I live a five hour's drive away, and some of my birthday cards from my aunt and cousin will read "I hope you can make it down to see your family", or some variation. 

[spemat]

I don't contact any of my family left in the states.  My brother and aunt both have BPD and I just avoid them altogether... .

[clljhns]

Wow! Itsnotme,

That must have been terrifying knowing that your abuser has your number and that he is trying to guilt you into calling your mom. I went NC just a few days before my dad's birthday, which by the way is mine also. I did feel guilty at first for missing their birthday's and holidays, but then I realized that they made no attempt to contact me and celebrate my birthday or holidays. This realization helped me to overcome my guilt feelings. I quite trying to please them, as they had never done anything to please me! Everything they did was self-serving and to make themselves feel good about themselves, and to look good to everyone else!

I can't tell you what to do, but I hope you think about how you are being sucked in again to take care of your mother's needs when yours were never taken care of by her or this pitiful excuse for a man!

Many blessings to you and much peace!