Trying to move on

[AllSmiles]

I have been practicing NC from my BPD mother since December 2010. I moved several times, changed phone numbers, and ended relationships to get away from her. Recently, she has been searching for me again using the Internet. I'm getting married in two days and am finding it difficult to get excited because I think she's found again. She has begun e-mailing me and seems to have found out when I'm getting married. Nothing seems to have changed as she wished me happy birthday, then called me a bhit in subsequent e-mails. I'm afraid for my safety and sanity. I've already spoken to a supervisor at work to make them aware of her possibly showing up (as my name is listed online with the company I work for), and that has helped.

I'm tired of having to move and hide myself to protect myself from her abuse. I can't help wondering when do I get to live without fear? I'm looking for advice on how to keep moving forward without letting her attempts to reconnect hurt me. I have no desire to fall into her "let's be a family again" ploy, but I don't want to stop my life just because she's trying to connect again. My first knee-jerk reaction is to run again, but when can I stop?

[Deb]

Can you block her email? Or if you don't want to do that, divert them to another folder and let someone else read them?

[Legacymaker]

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!  Lay your worries to the side for a few days.  Try not to react to your mother's acting out, you still have the power to maintain NC.  I hope you will be able to embrace this new life that is about to begin!  My marriage and children have been the most important things in my life.  They are my "normal" in all this turmoil, but I must fight daily to keep the relationships protected.  So I'm sending my blessing to you that you will find the same happiness in the arms of your loved one!  Enjoy your day!