She Got Drunk and Lost the Ring

[joethemechanic]

I think I'm done. If that wasn't bad enough, when she asked me what it cost, she said "No way was it worth that" and "It wasn't that good of a ring".

Then she wanted to have sex. I can't even stand to look at her.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[SleepsOnSofa]

Wow. Just wow.

Don't know what else to say.

[WalrusGumboot]

I would be wondering why it was off her finger, but your mind has probably already been there.

Those comments of hers are like a sharp knife. I'm sorry you have to endure this. I've been at the receiving end of my share of soul-splitting comments from my ex.

Whatever you choose for your future, we are here for you.

[joethemechanic]

I am so pizzed that I had to turn her picture face down before I used it for target practice. As far as to why it was off her finger, will I ever know the truth? Do these BPD azzwholes even have a concept of "truth". Sir Karl Popper wrote of 3 versions of truth. Nothing that comes out of her mouth is even close to any of the three, not even the "Pragmatic Utility" version. Hoping to hear the "Correspondence With the Facts" version is like believing in the Easter Bunny.

I'll never ever buy a woman another piece of jewelry if I live to be 1,000, not even a plastic bubblegum machine ring.

Let her find her next fiancee in the taproom she loves so F ing much. She's 48, and everybody is pretty much disgusted with her. Even her ex husband told her "You're lucky Joe still wants you"

[Perez]

It is really painful when that ring is off their finger and there is so little regard for your faithfulness and commitment.  I feel for you.

One of my wife's favorite tricks to show her displeasure was to take off her ring and throw it across the room.  Now, for the past three years she does not wear her ring.  :)uring calmer times I have asked her to put her ring back on, she has refused.  Each refusal has become more emphatic, she tells me she cannot trust me and that we do not have a foundation in our marriage.  Therefore she won't wear her ring.

I have given up on asking her.  Just a bit of jewelry but a great symbol for our marriage.

[misneach]

This is also my husbands favorite form of punishment when we are fighting. He will take it off and throw it and then refuse to wear it for awhile. It does hurt.

I am so sorry, Joe. There really isn't anything more to say. What an awful occurrence. 

[Cloudy Days]

My husband also would take his ring off when we would get into fights. Heck he would even grab my hand and take my ring off. He hid my ring once and I seriously thought he flushed it down the toilet (because he acted like he did). He was drunk when he did it. It was lost for two years until we moved out of the place we were living in. Found it in a cabinet wrapped in toilet paper.

As for his ring or shall I say rings. He's lost them all, one of them he took off himself and then blamed me for losing it. He has a $15 stainless steel ring now that he wears when we go out. At least he doesn't have to make a show of taking his ring off any more.

I got to say, this kind of stuff happened because he would drink. He hasn't been so irresponsible since he stopped drinking completely a year and a half ago. Thank the Lord!

[montanesa]

I think I'm done. If that wasn't bad enough, when she asked me what it cost, she said "No way was it worth that" and "It wasn't that good of a ring".

Then she wanted to have sex. I can't even stand to look at her.

That's some pretty rough treatment. I'm so sorry. 

[guitarguy09]

Wow Joe. Really, really sorry to hear about that. That has got to hurt badly. My wife has threatened to go have her ring "melted down" because she "doesn't need it anymore" many times when we have gotten in an argument about my family. I have resigned myself to the fact that if she goes and does that, she will not have a ring and will have to either buy herself another one (we have separate bank accounts) or just go without one and live with the embarrassment. I can definitely understand how that is the last straw for you. And she insults you on top of that based on the value. Unbelievable. 

[SeekingAdviceinCa]

My wife threw her rings at me after one particularly bad meltdown. Then proceeded to drop down to the ground and in a guteral voice repeated these words twice: "Bring me your gun. Bring me your gun."  Like she was going to end it all. It was absolutely horrifying for me. We had only been married 5 months at that point. This happened when I was home for lunch so I had to return to work after this madness. Needless to say, I removed the gun from the home after this just in case. What a nightmare. When I recalled this event to her years later she acted like it was no big deal. That she hardly remembered it and she wasn't serious. Well it sure scared the cr-p out of me.

Toward the end of our relationship she wouldn't wear her wedding rings because she said it was too painful. Then got angry at me for not saying anything about her not wearing them. It was painful to ME to have her not wear them (but still demanded a child from me or else she was leaving). 

[SleepsOnSofa]

Needless to say, I removed the gun from the home after this just in case.

Good move. Regardless of one's stance on gun rights and gun control, I would have a hard time sleeping in a house that contained a gun AND a pwBPD.

[IsItHerOrIsItMe]

The 'ring throw' is one of the few behaviors that stopped.  The first few time she started to pull it off I beat her to it.

I guess that reaction wasn't what she was going for.

[Pearl55]

Does it really matter?

The ring she used to wear it, it wasn't about YOU at all. She knows that she's not normal and by wearing that ring she wants to tell the outside world that she's normal because she is in a relationship and somebody wants her.

I'm sorry if I'm honest.

[pixiecat]

I'm so sorry, Joe.  The way you're feeling really comes across in your post.