pain.. sucks but guess what? We are healing.

[love4meNOTu]

just wanted to say hello this morning and see how my friends are today on this board...

It was a good Valentine's day this year. I spent time with my boys and my friends, and probably ate too much chocolate.

When I think back to my life this time last year, when I was being manipulated by a psychopath husband, I am so very grateful to be where I am today.

My ex had entered the extreme testing phase. Escalating his behaviors to see how far he could push me to accept abuse. He didn't realize that I am stronger than him, much stronger. I saw him clearly for the first time last year on Valentine's day. He cared nothing for me, just for himself. Something my children saw clearly but I did not because I believed he love me, was like me in that he would always love me and that together we were a strong couple.

That day I saw we were not a couple. I was just useful to him. The moment I had a different opinion than him I was (in his mind) attacking him.

That's psychopathy. And delusion. And me? Well... . I was the queen of denial.

I've woken up. Come out of the denial and looked at myself very deeply. Ive grown as a person, a mom and a woman. This is the person I have always wanted to be. Not needing outside validation as to my goodness. I don't need that anymore. I get it from me.

Blessings to all today, if you are hurting and in pain this is good. It means you are healing. Keep going. Keep going and going and going. It's worth it.

Love,

Lyn

[Ceide]

Hey love4meNOTu -

Great post!  Happy Anniversary to you!

Thank you for the inspiration, the motivation, all of it.  What a long, hard journey this is.  I am so glad I am not in it alone anymore. 

Peace,

Ceide

[NyGirl8]

Thanks for sharing!  I hope to be making a similar post next Valentines day:-)

I am super happy for you! 

[Popcorn71]

Thanks for your post.  I am pleased for you that you can feel like this - so strong.  I am looking at you as inspiration as our stories sound similar.  I don't feel too great at the moment but I will try to look at things as you do ... . and hopefully start to feel good again. 

[fromheeltoheal]

Sounding good love4, and good for you!

You're right about the pain.  The good news is pain needs to be felt to be released and that hurt we feel is what pain leaving feels like.  If we're in denial, as you mention you were, or lost in the fog, or really good at repressing how we feel when we're being abused or disrespected, we can keep a lid on the pain for a while, but it will show up somewhere else anyway, like a physical illness or outbursts at folks we care about, somewhere.  Stopping and feeling it is the only way to purge, and knowing that it hurts when it leaves helps up weather it, it's that bright light at the end of the tunnel, where our freedom lives.

[dansure]

That day I saw we were not a couple. I was just useful to him. The moment I had a different opinion than him I was (in his mind) attacking him.

I realized the same thing by observing my flatmate and his girlfriend. I looked at them and thought "THIS is a couple!". Of course they sometimes fight as well, but you never hear any of them taking the words "breaking up" into their mouths, no matter how pissed they are.

Unlike my ex who would pack her stuff, leave me, break up with me and start to delete our pictures from our Photostream whenever we had the slightest disagreement.

The moment I realized that you can't really call what we had a "relationship" was the moment I started healing, because I started to realize that I didn't really lose much.