arsenal02
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Posts: 10
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« on: February 17, 2014, 03:05:51 AM » |
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Hey
This is my first real post outside the intro, so I'm a bit nervous. I wanted to wait a while and get through some of the lessons on the site before posting, but my hand has been forced somewhat by the events of the last few weeks.
My dBPDgf and I have hit such a rocky state just now. Everything essentially hinges around us (potentially) moving in together. We talked about it for months and months - we lived in different towns for a while until I moved to hers for work in January - and we were both so happy and keen to do it. Then, we I got the job, she panicked. Pushed me away, couldn't live with me. Once she calmed down, felt comfortable again, she was full of apologies 'how could I ever have thought I'd not want to live with you'. Since then, this has been an almost cyclic story.
The thing is though, she talks about wanting this with so much conviction when she's in her good head space (a lot of the time). When she's there, she tells me how much she wants it and asks me to stick with her and try to 'drag her through'. She also makes it very clear that this is what she wants and that when she changes her mind, that's her panicking that if we move in and I leave her, she'll be messed up. Then, we she flips to the other side, she just puts up these barriers and won't say anything other than she can't do it.
This morning, I just feel like hit. On Friday, we were talking about how excited we both were about everything (we've talked about marriage and a proper life together, something we both seem to really want). Then Saturday night, I was out with friends and she was out with hers. I had no signal on my phone, so missed a lot of texts asking for reassurance. I tried to call as soon as I was out and saw these messages, but she wouldn't take it. I then text trying to reassure her and that it was late and it might be worth sleeping it off. The next day she was furious with me and accused me of abandoning her. Yesterday afternoon/evening she sat and told me she doesn't even know if she wants to be with me anymore and that she can't live with me. I've tried validating her - I understand that right now, she doesn't want this.
I know that there's a massive chance she'll change her mind, maybe even today. But it was just such a lot to deal with in such a short space of time - from all the nice talk on friday to suddenly facing the prospect of not being with her anymore. It's killing me.
I just feel this house move has put such a strain on things, because it's the only problem we've really had for a long time. When she doesn't want it, she pins all sorts on me to justify her decision, but it's not something we argue about any other time. I suppose I think in my head that if we can get through it and get moved in, it'll be such a relief for both of us and we can concentrate on being happy. But right now, there's huge barriers in the way. It's not for me to break them down, but it feels like a really good opportunity for us to be happy is passing us by. When she feels comfortable with the idea - like I said, this is a lot of the time - I have no doubt it's the right thing.
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