Do you dream with your expwBPD? if so good or bad ones?

[growing_wings]

HI folks,

SHe was in my dreams last night.  the dream was full of emotions, i can still feel those now. I was looking for her, but then i regreted i was doing that so i try to walk away and hide, but she managed to see me and came out to talk while she was closing a door, but i could still see her... and talk to her. We both missed each other... .

it is the first time i have a dream of her that did not involve a rage or a chase (me running away like mad from her)... . i am a bit down, my bday is approaching and i wonder if that has any impact

Do you have dreams with your expwBPD? are they nice or not? do you have the feeling / desire to get some sort of closure in the dream?

[Skip]

I don't know much about dream psychology, but my personal observation is that I dreamed what I was suppressing or trying to control during the day.  The mind was forcing some emotional processing.

The dreams were emotionally draining - often for hours after I woke.

In time, they lessoned in intensity and incidence.

[GuiltHaunted]

I practically never dream about my ex. Maybe 3 times in 9 months since the breakup, and these were neither nightmares or good dream, simply she was just there. One dream that I remember the most was about or cat, and she was just present in the dream.

Actually I don't dream much at all. Is this good or bad? Does it mean I am not processing? I am quite happy actually, that at least I get my peace from her during sleep, she is a lot on my mind when I am awake... .

[growing_wings]

I don't know much about dream psychology, but my personal observation is that I dreamed what I was suppressing or trying to control during the day.  The mind was forcing some emotional processing.

The dreams were emotionally draining - often for hours after I woke.

In time, they lessoned in intensity and incidence.

Thanks Skip, i feel this is true for me... . i AM supressing the desire to go and talk to her by keeping NC, i am consciously choosing this, but this does not mean i dont want to go and do it. so that might make sense... .

and yes, dreams are very draining... and very intense now (2 months NC)

Guilthaunted, thanks, it is not bad that you are not dreaming with your ex i think. It is quite intense to do so, so having a peaceful dream without them is not bad. I wish i could be in that stage , but i still dream with her a lot...

[nolisan]

I am about 1.5 years out - total NC.

I am actually quite surprised at how few dreams I have had about her.

One memorable dream was particularly healing. We were traveling together in a foreign country. We had a mix up and she got on a train - I didn't.

As it pulled away she looked out, our eyes met and we smiled gently / lovingly at each other. It was like we both knew we would never see each other again - a movie ending, much different than how it played out in real life.

It was truly healing and still gives me closure - maybe what our souls really meant above our woundedness.

[Chunk Palumbo]

I've been there. When I was in love with her, I used to experience, on occasion, very vivid, heart-pounding thoughts about her in my sleep. She's always be leaving or with another man. Core issues: betrayal, abandonment, figurative death.

I remember having one where I'd been stabbed, and was lying bleeding in a taxi's backseat. In the dream, the first person I called was her. I could feel everything.

I told her about this dream at the time. It intrigued her highly.

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

After my ex raged on me... (before I tried to reason with him 2 days later

and ended up being betrayed and hurt more than ever in my life... seriously)

I had a dream about him the next day after his "I hope you die b**** vm"

...

I had a dream he molested my daughter... I am always super paranoid about that

stuff, because children get hurt like that all the time and no one knows it for years...

It's the ultimate betrayal... and worst way someone could hurt my child. And thought

of my child being abused is very scary for me, because I want to protect her from that.

I don't want her to end up like me.

It was sick... b/c I discovered it in the dream... and he was acting like nothing happened... .

It was sick. I still don't understand it.

Wondering if my brain was warning me he could hurt my daughter possible or if it

was a reflection of something else.

Wish I understood it.

[DownandOut]

I haven't been posting a lot recently because I've had some success in my career which I've tried to use to replace my thoughts of her. Nevertheless, I've been browsing some of these threads and this one really hit me because, for the past week and a half, I've dreamed of my uBPDexgf every, single night and I haven't been able to get through a night without waking up 2-3 times. Coincidentally, I've had this recent success and, at the same time, I've reached the 6 month mark of NC. Some of the dreams I remember vividly, some I don't. The main theme with all of them is what I would describe as a "loving distance." I watch her from afar, or we are together but we don't talk or she's preoccupied with something else - however, in all of the dreams I know I love her. Some of her family members have acknowledged my recent success and I'm not sure if that's partly why I've been dreaming of her. It hurts like hell though.

[Changingman]

Yep 3 in 6 months,

Very horror, she an automiton, she walks in I rage and tear flesh from her face, her eyes stay in place staring. A doll life size not real, all around a busy bar full of crazy drunk hip people. Just stares through me.

The other revenge fantasy against the other guy.

I now realise there were many probably, emotional and physical. Should I pick one at random or the latest she has attached to fully for now. Ha take me away from this. It feels like an asylum I have left, nearly. Almost had a panic attack today this stuff is sticky.

[growing_wings]

thank you for sharing your dreams. its reassuring to know that i am not the only one waking up ...

intensity... . glad to read that the dreams decrease with time... .

can only wait.

best wishes to all

[Tincup]

I have had a couple of dreams over the past few months.  I don't remember a great deal about them, but in one dream she shot me (this was when I thought she was stalking me).  I have another one a couple months later that was neither good or bad, she was in the dream but almost as a third party. 

The one where she shot me scared the crap out of me as I NEVER have scary dreams... .

[monkeyman]

For like a month after the break up I kept having dreams where she was hanging out with or having sex with her new boyfriend, and I couldn't sleep more than five hours a night.  Since I've been on no contact for a while though I've been sleeping just fine.

[growing_wings]

I have had a couple of dreams over the past few months.  I don't remember a great deal about them, but in one dream she shot me (this was when I thought she was stalking me).  I have another one a couple months later that was neither good or bad, she was in the dream but almost as a third party. 

The one where she shot me scared the crap out of me as I NEVER have scary dreams... .

Tincup Y monkeyman, thanks for sharing your dreams... .

Tincup, your dream is like one of mine! how deep they get in our psyche. . i got shot too, but an arrow from the back... . it was her...   i still remember the "pain" when getting shot... . glad the dreams are not friendly...

[Lizzie3]

I can stop dreaming about my ex partner. Over a year broken up and I dreamt about him last night, I had a nap this afternoon and dreamt about him again.  It's really holding me back, making everything so raw.

I last saw him in January and because of his unacceptable behaviour I told him not to contact me which he hasn't done but we're still friends on facebook.  I think this is what is causing these dreams.

I just want to call him to be honest-I'm not going to though... .

[Lizzie3]

That should say I CAN'T stop dreaming about him... . sorry 

[growing_wings]

I can stop dreaming about my ex partner. Over a year broken up and I dreamt about him last night, I had a nap this afternoon and dreamt about him again.  It's really holding me back, making everything so raw.

I last saw him in January and because of his unacceptable behaviour I told him not to contact me which he hasn't done but we're still friends on facebook.  I think this is what is causing these dreams.

I just want to call him to be honest-I'm not going to though... .

HI Lizzie, yes constantly dreaming about them is draining... .

staying FB friend is quite a strong connection really... both consciously and un-consciously (at least it was for me)... i chose to "un follow" my ex while we were still friends in FB so i could not see waht she was posting, then she unfriended me and i blocked her.  and it kind of hurt to break that connection to begin with, but i think this has helped me in the moving on process...

hope your dreams ease with time... i only dream about her once a week perhaps... but very emotionally... difficult to process when i wake up...

[Allmessedup]

HI Lizzie, yes constantly dreaming about them is draining... .

staying FB friend is quite a strong connection really... both consciously and un-consciously (at least it was for me)... i chose to "un follow" my ex while we were still friends in FB so i could not see waht she was posting, then she unfriended me and i blocked her.  and it kind of hurt to break that connection to begin with, but i think this has helped me in the moving on process...

hope your dreams ease with time... i only dream about her once a week perhaps... but very emotionally... difficult to process when i wake up...

I did the exact same thing and have found blocking to be especially helpful for me.  The one time I have heard from her was about me posting all over on fb.  We were not fb friends but do have a number of mutual friends.  At first I decided this was her problem and if she didn't like it she could block me.  But then I decided I didn't need to give her an excuse to contact me.

I dreamt about her last night.  It was the first time in weeks.  I do not remember the dream but I do know she was in it, it was not a good dream and it has left me unsettled this am.

I am not sure if it was unfinished business or simply that I actually read this thread right before I slept and had been trying to remember when the last time I dreamt about her was.

I will just say I am hopeful the dream does not have a repeat tonight and in the meantime I will take care of me. But hats all I can do!